A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an older sister that emotionally, verbally, and mentally abuses my 13 year old niece and 15 year old nephew. Every day she calls my niece all kinds of nasty names and calls my nephew everything but a child. She mocks their looks, tells them that they'll never amount to anything, tearing them down to build herself up. When I call her out on her rubbish, she acts as if I’m in the wrong for trying to defend them. She tries to justify her actions by saying things like "I’m not saying it to hurt them”, “it’s a figure a speech”, “if I was hurting their feelings, they’d say something”, “our mother talked to me the same way and it didn't hurt me”. I’m at the end of my rope. She won’t believe what she is doing is abusive and everyone has turns a deaf ear to this. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): Call and talk to social services on your own first (don't tell yours sister you're talking to them), tell them everything and ask them what you can do. Then do whatever they say.
Children are powerless to protect themselves against parental abuse so someone needs to step in and act on their behalf.
Your sister does not have a right to abuse her own children. No one does. If she refuses to change her abusive behavior when you have talked to her, time and time again, then it's time for more drastic measures, it does NOT mean to just throw one's hands up and say 'oh well nothing can be done.' That is exactly how abuse perpetuates when no one stops the abusers.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2013):
 have you asked your niece and nephew how they feel about it?
at 13 and 15 they should have some ideas of how it makes them feel....
perhaps you could convey to their mother how it hurts them.
and if they are not happy at their age you could offer to let them live with you instead.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 I'm not sure what happens in other countries but in uk reporting her annonymously to social services would help. They wouldn't take her kids away but would probably make her attend parenting classes or arrange support for the children.
The other option is just to allow the children more time away from her, encourage them to get involved in activities out of school or stay at yours.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 January 2013):
"when i call her out on her rubbish ,she acts as if i'm in the wrong for trying to defend them.she trys to justify her actions by saying things like "i'm not saying it tp hurt them","its a figure a speech"Ok - the next time she says this, respond with "Ok, (and then describe her in unflattering insulting terms)." If she get upset, just tell her "its only a figure of speech."
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A
female
reader, Dangerously Enthusiastic. +, writes (3 January 2013):
 This is a form of child abuse!
Document everything she says it even buy a voice recorder. You need to involve social services or what ever child protection you have in the US. I know it will feel like.betraying your sister but these children will grow up with possible problems that will effect their lives. Plus, you've witnessed it therefore they may be hoping you will day something, they are only children afterall.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): I would start documenting her verbal abuse like record what she says to her kids. Then talk to a lawyer. Maybe you can get a mental health professional to back you up saying these kids living in an abusive environment and get the mother charged with child abuse so she is required to get treatment and a wake up vall that what she is doimg is NO ok. And as a last resort have the kids put into foster care. I mean, if she was hitting or beating them this could be done, right? But mental health professionals know that verbal and emotional abuse can do even more damage than physical so why not in this case?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Probably nothing you can do. She won't listen to you or anybody else if she believes what she's doing is right, everybody else is always going to be wrong in her eyes. I guess if it worries you or gets out of hand more than it already does/is now, you could always report her to child services, but don't expect anybody to appreciate your concern, they'll just resent you for it, even the kids themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): This is not right. People shouldn't be allowed to abuse their children just because its their own kids. I don't know maybe talk to a abuse hotline? I don't believe that its no ones business just because they are her kids. Abuse is abuse. Why should people stand by and let kids be abused just cos its their mom doing it? She says your parents talked to her that way and she turned out fine??? Point out to her that no she is definitely not fine since she is now being abusive to her own kids!! That's what abuse does. It makes victims into future abusers or really messed up adults. What she suffered from your parents has had really had consequences as evidenced by who she is today. She is going to make her kids the same
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 When it comes to other people's children, it gets complicated. Besides voicing your opinion, all you can really do is be there for your niece and nephew. You tell them all the good things that they should be hearing. You encourage them to feel good about themselves. As their uncle, you can be a huge influence on their well-being. And keep at your sister, she may eventually listen to you. Just by letting them all know you care about them, can make a difference to their lives.
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