A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've always thought of my self as an ideal big brother. My household has always been unstable home. Having a natural protective nature to those close to me since birth, In my infancy I had made it my silent duty to defend my little sister from whatever might make her destroy her innocence, and dedicated myself to her happiness. My parents being rather irresponsible, and I only being two years her senior, cooked for her, protected her (by, for example, drawing my dads attention to me when he was drunk), watched over her, loved her, and was her best friend and companion, just as much as she was my comfort. This is not to suggest that I did not take time to develop myself as a person, I had very good friends, made sure to develop my skills and social life. When she reached 12 years old she developed her own life, as most girls do, and started to leave me alone more. This of course was depressing, as well as liberating. My sister was no longer such a big crutch but also, no longer stood by my side to lighten my mood with her smile. We still maintained a special connection, mostly because of are shaken family, our love of fine literature, and distain for all things superficial. Around the time she turned 14 I found myself attracted to my little sister. Not a fabrication of lust as some others might mistake for love, but neither was it pure brotherly love. I wanted her to be my wife, rather then my sister. The feeling boiled up inside me, having nowhere to escape because I refused to utter it allowed. I contained it and hoped it would pass. One day after she was cleaning me up after a fight with my father as I protested claiming that I would be fine, I gripped her wrist. She blushed a little and there was a pause of romantic tension in the air. My sister was the only person who had ever truly know me, she was, the only person I could wholly relate to. As the awkward pause lingered in the air she made an excuse to go get some ice. It was then that I first suspected that my sister might return my feelings. I was excited, yet repelled by my own excitement. It had always struck me as odd that she had such beauty and yet had scares had one relationship. Some part of me had held out hope in my fantasies. One day while watching TV I asked her about it, she said that most boys her age were stupid and immature and that she didn't see the point of dating them. I asked if she had someone (other then Johnny Depp) that she liked. I could feel my heart pounding racing as I risked it all. She flatly said no. Though the big brother in me was overjoyed (why corrupt my sweet little sister with the same perverse desire?) The lover and human in me was crushed and making an excuse of unfinished homework and went to my room to sulk. I lay spread across my bed for a hour, I felt some tears leak into my eyes sighed, and hoped those too would pass. My sister entered my room, she was so nervous that she was shaking. She told me that she had to say this otherwise her suffering would be eternal (My sister uses similar diction to mine) She said that if she did not say this it well up in her for all her life till it finally overflowed. Then she told me the words which resurrected my heart. She told me that she loved me, told me that she had felt this way for the longest time, told me that she cared for no one but me, that she had hated all my girlfriends and knew that she could only be with me, or that she would remain an unhappy virgin all her life. She had stuttered out most of the words and the look of shock on my face had defiantly crushed her. When I noted this I made my confession as well, and then she raced towards me and gave me the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced in my life, and holding her, I reached a level of happiness I felt unattainable. This of course becomes a paradox, I am incomplete without my little sister as my lover, and yet, I have become the very corruption I have fought to protect my sister from. We have not made love yet, and I am unsure if we ever will, I am in a struggle of love and morality. Though I often find myself questioning what is morality I still have a natural advertence to a sin of this magnitude (again help me, is this really sin when it is sung by a chorus so beautiful?) All I know is that last night I slept with my sister in my arms (again to the people who have just skimmed to the end, we have not had sex of any kind) and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Dear patient reader, if you believe your definition of morality to be a right one, then please, I beg you. Please help me decide if I am doing the right thing. I need guidance, not scorn, and I appeal to you, the reader, to help me decide the fate of two children deeply in love from a broken home.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, King of Hearts +, writes (2 October 2010):
I can say that I honesty don't have a clear answer for you, but I can tell you this. If love is true, it wll always find a way.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (14 September 2007):
 To Lovehasnobounds,
Have you READ THE POST?
Firstly you acknowledge that other siblings that have married have gone to prison...are you telling this boy that he should commit an illegal act?
Secondly, why not first encourage him to learn about the law in the area where he lives? At least he can make an informed decision. You are entitled to your beleifs about marriage, but they are no substitute for was is the actual law.
Lastly, these are NOT ADULTS. This is a 17 year old child and hisyounger sister who are already growing up in an abusive environment which means he might not be feeling what he thinks he is feeling.
Your advice will damage these children further, and I am going to vote to have it removed.
They ARE being harmed in this. She (the CHILD) has only ONE protector in her family, and he is succumbing to sexual desires that would not have developed if they hadn't been brought up in that hell like environment.
If two ADULTS of sound mind that are siblings want to get together it is their business. THese are not adults, these are children. One relies for her well being on the other, making him like a guardian or parent. They are in a situation where they are already abused and THAT is affecting their judgements.
To Lovehasnobounds: There is something wrong with you if you can read the original post, and STILL not see the damage you are doing right now to them.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): You're 17 years old? I don't care what you've been though already, you have simply not had the raw number of years in this world yet to see this as clearly as you will later on. I'm not saying your feelings are "childish" at all. But I'm saying that grownup feelings need to be handled with grownup feelings-management software. THAT is what's lacking at 17. I had also been through a lot by the age of 17. (And in retrospect, my "immature" 17yo self was a lot more correct about a lot of things than many of the people and sources that were giving me advice at the time.) But I still think this one will probably seem different to you in retrospect. You're talking about a serious deep love that is hard to match. But the fact is that you probably haven't given it a chance to be matched yet. What other girl/woman has had anywhere NEAR the same chance for you to be as in-love with as your sister? The years, the growing up/older together, the shared experiences, the knowing all the dark secrets . . . who else could compete with that? My point is that you don't see yourself ever feeling this way about anyone else because your sister is the only one who's had this kind of chance to get into your soul so far in this lifetime. But it's still not right. The sooner you start bringing other people into your life, the sooner you may see things some other way. It won't change overnight, but you've both got DECADES of romantic years in life ahead of you. And if you really care about her, you won't kid yourself about the damage that pursuing this could potentially do to HER. You're in a better position to handle this than she is.
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A
male
reader, Say It Straight  +, writes (4 September 2007):
Hi,
Youve done a good job up to now and youve been the best big brother that she could have ever wanted, keep on doing that.
Your sister needs you now to be strong and to realise that she needs protecting now, not just from your feelings but from herself as well.
The worst enemys come from within.
Its good that you two are close, hell how could you have got through your past without standing together, but make yourself another promise to see that you carry on and see your little sister grow up into a beautiful woman and move out into the world, into a good relationship with someone else, without carrying the scars of your family life with her. I'm sure that your sister wants the same for you also and right now and up to now you two have needed eachother so much.
Look back on this in ten years when the two of you are both still the best of friends but in your own relationships, having survived and come through an abusive upbringing, how much would going further now spoil that!
I feel very very proud of you for what you have done so far and i don't even know you, keep going, don't get sidetracked now, this will be by far your biggest hurdle, but don't fall at the last and carry on the abuse that your parents showed you, only you can put a stop to it and its in your hands, keep on loving your sister as a sister and never lose that, she will always be your little sister, when you next hold her let your self realise that you are still protecting her but this time your enemys are within, you cant see them but even so you must keep to your original promise and make sure she gets through this without any damage.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (31 August 2007):
In my work, I have gotten exactly this type of situation before where siblings become lovers, or fall in love.
I want you to know that growing up in such an abusive home, you were forced to grow up fast. You had the emotional understanding of children, having to take on audlt roles. In this cross over is where your feelings of family/lover become mangled and confused.
The emotion you feel is REAL, but its source and your interpretation of it is not. Learning from the others I have helped, I think you may be interpreting one set of emotions for your sister as something it is not, becuase due to the emotional damage you experienced from your home, you have been unable to make those emotional connections with people outside the home. See what I mean?
Continue to care for your sister, and continue to protect her. BUT, she is your sister, she is in many ways your child (you become her provider and parent), but she is NOT your lover.
You made the claim:
This of course becomes a paradox, I am incomplete without my little sister as my lover,
You could only know this IF you had already slept with her. You say you did not. Thus, I take this as an indication that the relationship you speak of is STILL JUST IN YOUR HEAD. My guess, like the others in your situation I have worked with, that your head is trying to make sense of your situation and feelings for her, and making wrong interpretations based on the limits of your emotional scope due to your upbringing.
You also made this claim:
and yet, I have become the very corruption I have fought to protect my sister from.
THe emotional damage, the "taint" of your past has manifested itself into your drawings to your sister. It may just be a way to you trying to find a resoltion with yourself to stop this.
Please see professional help.
Do not damage your sister the way your family damaged you.
Do not pursue a sexual relationship with her. No. Not at all.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): You got to be stronger, I can say that she will end up regretting it when she's older and she is still too young to realise what she really wants, she properly craves love and comfort and her feelings and your are mixed up. You got to be the strong one and put a stop to this, it's not right. You should be her older brother, you say you protect her yet who's protecting her against you? Be her brother
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): You and your sister grew up in a home that lacked boundaries, love , affection and stability. Quite often in cases like this, older siblings do want to protect and look out for the younger ones. But in some families, when the family is so dysfunctional, quite often siblings turn to each other for love, support and comfort. And that is okay. But then there are times when their own sense of loss and pain in their family, run deep and they go over the line into a sexual relationship and they cope inappropriately with a painful family dynamic. Your sister and you have in effect, been abused by your parents through neglect, improper parenting, lack of affection. Your sexual attraction to her stems from your own sense of loss combined with raging hormones of a teen male adolescent. You have to get this in perspective and use some restraint and never, ever go over the line here. It is one thing to love and want to care/protect her...which is noble of you but it is not 'noble nor right' to want to have just sex with her. You will be using her for your own self-gratification. And I have to say, no short term thrills and orgasms are worth the emotional devastation that you could cause this younger sister of yours. You are the older sibling, so in effect, if you desire sex with her, you will be abusing her, again and again. Why would you do that to someone you love?? She is likely just as emotionally troubled as you, she is likely needing love, guidelines, boundaries and looks to you to to protect her and not abuse her. You are her life boat, so to speak. But if you have a sexual relationship with her, this will cause her future ramifications, that could ultimately destroy her. Survivors of sibling incest, carry on with life, only to finally understand the seriousness of what happened to them as teens. She will figure this out when she is older and I worry about how it could affect her, emotionally. Suicide, promiscuity and a host of other serious, severe emotional problems. Give her a chance at future happiness, Do not use her for your self-gain...that is just so horridly wrong. Call a childhelp line and tell a counselor what you both are going through. You two need some professional intervention from a family counselor. You both are suffering from deep pain and emotional problems due to the aftereffects of your broken family. Please get help as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (31 August 2007):
 I dont want to patronise you but i think you are getting your feelings confused. it is entirely understandable that you have developed such strong feelings for her - you have been through so much and had such a lonely life with your family problems and she is the ONLY person in the world experiencing the exact same thing. she is the only person who's parents are behaving EXACTLY the same way as yours are.i can completely understand why you are finding comfort in each other and feel a connection but please think carefully. later in life your relationship with your sister may well be non existent. in any sense. as well as being illegal, i believe your situation to be morally wrong. i think you both need guidance and counciling to help you deal with your childhood and your obvious emotional trauma but i am worried that by starting this relationship you are only making your problems worse and i cannot see how this will lead to any place positive.best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): You love your sister because you feel she is your equal, the only one who knows who you are and has experienced the pain and joy you have, that in this world and life no one Will ever live up to your expectations. You have unknowingly moulded her into the person you want to have a relationship with on every level. You talk as if she belongs to you, but she is not yours, she never was, you have to let each other go, to find the missing part of her and yourself means to seek far and wide. I don't think you are both allowing yourself to experience what is out there. You have only found each other and have stayed within that comfort zone. I think if you had met after years then I could understand you falling in love with her, but you have always been around her, and she has become your everything as you have hers. Do not see deep down your have both created each other and that is not how a relationship should be, it should be about discovery and the merge to two people with two personalities becoming one. I think you need to move far away from your sister and have a separate life. What you went through is painful, but it does not have to shape your future. You say you’re from a broken home, like this dictates your life. It does not, unless you allow yourself to wallow in it. If you slept with her it would ruin you both, the innocence would be broken and you can never go back. She is your sister, love her like one, not like a lover, it is all in your mind I am afraid you have both created this and no good will come from it.I think you know what needs to be done. If you love her let her be free to live a life and the same for her, you live yours. Not in shadows.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): i am sorry to hear of your situation but i think nothing good can ever come out of you and your sister having a fullfilling relationship not only is it against the law but just think later in life you may want children and there could be great consiquences with this medical and emotional
your sister has been your life for so long and because of your home life situation it has brought you both closer in a way neither of you imagined you just need to be the big brother the protector of her please think carefully
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