A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend makes me feel bad constantly about the number of sexual partners I have had. I have been with seven other women. I don't think that's a high number. I had sex with seven different women but I only had sex, get this seven times. Every encounter I had was horrible until I met her. That's the truth and not something I said to make her feel better. She had sex with the same guy before me for years. She says that's different because she loved him and I just had casual sex. I had sex with those women because I was lonely and I didn't know if someone special would come along. I used to be very overweight and I finally started exercising and losing weight. When I finally felt better about myself I met her. It was really really hard to lose weight. I weighed almost 400 pounds. I am now down to 200 pounds. I didn't have sex until I was 30. I think she needs to give me a break. Why is ok for her to have a lot of sex before me with one person but I can't have more partners in my past?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): Haha your lady needs a reality check. If you'd got married in your early twenties then I suppose 7 would have been an okay number (before you got married). But if you've been single over all that time then 7 IS NOT A LOT OF WOMEN!
I got married at 30 and back then had already had about 90-100 partners
A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (16 April 2010):
 think of it this way, quality vs. quantity.
she had sex with ONE guy lots of times but it was quality sex. You had less sex but they were more about quantity because they were meaningless. Like people who do one night stands or eat cheeseburgers at mcdonalds.
That being said, she needs to move on. Either accept it or move on and let you find someone who doesn't care so much.
She should know that you're rare as it is. At 40-50 for a guy to ONLY have seven is some kind of miracle.
And btw, you're not alone. There aren't many of you out there but late bloomers such as yourself are out there so don't feel badly about yourself that you 'started' so late.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (16 April 2010):
 You don't have to justify anything you did in the past. All of this was before the two of you met and there's nothing you can do to change history. She needs to move on and think about a future together rather than fixate on your past.
BTW, good job on the weight loss!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 She has a different sexual standards.You cannot blame her for having that kind of opinion because you have 7 different partners.
She could be thinking she is the number 8 and there could be a number 9 or 10. She could be feeling insecure .No doubt 7 is not a large number but to her it is more than her record. If compared to her record, it is a lot.
This is just her opinions only , just accept it and move on.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Huge congratulations on getting your life turned around - that's wonderful. Yes, she needs to give you a break. She is going to find very few unmarried men of 40+ who have had sex with less than 7 women.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Hmm, this sounds familiar. It's called insecurity and if you don't mind me saying, flat out rubbish. She needs to give you a huge break, you have done nothing wrong. If she can't respect you over this then that says a lot more about her than it says about you.
Don't let her treat you this way. Tell her to stuff it if she has a problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): You shouldn't have to justify your past to anyone, let alone a person that is supposed to love you! There is no difference between her having sex 1000 times with the same man and you having sex 7 times with 7 women. She is out of line by even bringing it up to you. It's not like you were cheating on her. Why does she even care anyway? She should never make you feel so insecure about your past. Tell her this bluntly, and let her know that treating you like that is unacceptable.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (16 April 2010):
Your number should no way be an issue, 7 I would have to say is a fantastic number considering your age. I know guys my age who have slept with 50+!! She doesnt have any right to demean you on your number. Whatever you did in your past before you met her is irrelevant to your relationship together. If she is going to judge you on it, then maybe she isnt the one for you. The best way to a healthy relationship is honesty, tell her how this makes you feel the fact that she makes you feel bad for your number and that shouldnt be the case. Be honest but not blaming. Allow her to do the same, and then come to a solution on how you both can move on from this silly little issue that really has no meaning but to put a strain on your relationship.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 April 2010):
Maybe she's just very insecure and needs reassurance that she's not just being used or something. I'd ask her why she feels the way she does and see what she says. Maybe the last guy hurt her?
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