A
female
age
26-29,
*onfuzzledamethyst
writes:My parents hate my boyfriend Ok so I have been with my boyfriend 8 months now and we are in a happy, comfortable relationship, I love him to pieces and his family are lovely people however my parents hate him here are some bulletpoint reasons why...-I am 16 and he is 18 I have just left year 11 and he is leaving school (year 13) to join the RAF (his birthday is 2 weeks after mine)-Because he has a motorbike and offered for me to go on it once they thought it was irrisponsible even though he let me borrow his old biking gear that was too small for him and he would be safe on it (he passed his test months ago and has been riding for 2.5 years-because his sister works in a petrol station they think it's no place for a lady and it shows his dad and step mother don't care about them-my mum thinks they are 'common' because they arnt 'like us' my mum thinks we are royality or something it's very pathetic -he completed all his A-level school work and because he goes tithe gym very often (he's very muscley) that he doesn't care about his work because he doesn't turn up to all his lessons between free periods - they stopped me from callin him in the mornings to wake him up because they thought he was too lazy to get himself up-I met him through my old best friend (she was dating him) she treated him badly for 2 months and he dumped her then almost got back with her because she suggested 'FWB' which he didn't do but my mum thought he wanted to do-they think he is arrogant an rude (he really isn't) -his dad drinks and smokes and they don't approve of me being in that environment even though he doesn't do it when I'm round -because they think he is allover me-we text a lot when we don't see eachother and my mum thinks he is controlling me to constantly keep in contact with him which is not the case -he is a distraction from my schoolwork and exam seen though we used to see eachother all the time and now we don't ever see eachother out of school -I have to be closely monitered when I go out to make sure I'm not meeting him I'm secret-they invited him on holiday and now they said he can't come this has made it awkward and he is quite upset about it -apparently when my parents took us out for a meal he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (wrong again) -he doesn't have a very good background (not his fault am it downs affect how he is to me) -when we have a nigt in I told him to wear trackie trousers and he didn't shave and I didn't wear make up my mum said that was disrespectful and tht I am losing Intrest in my appearance -my mum preferred my ex and keeps wanting me to get back with him although he treated me badly for a year and never saw me, my parents met him once and now we are friends again they think it's a opportunity for me to 'win him back' which I don't want!-I changed my interests in fashion, music and hobbies which is wrong. I played basketball (his fave sport) with him once, I can't play well but it was a laugh, apprently I like dark bikers stuff not (leather and emo stuff) wrong I picked soenthing like that out because it looked nice, and I listen to some rock, which I always liked they jut didn't know I was into it, and he asked me if I wanted to go to the local bike show with him and they said I couldn't :(-he's joining the RAf as an engineer something he has wanted since he was a child and apprently he doesn't care about me to leave.All theses random things my parents make up because they don't like him half of them are rubbish because I their pompess views It's horrible that I can never see him and it caused so many arguments I had to tell them that we are on a break (which we very much are NOT! But since then they have been fine with me unless they see I have. Been texting him. They have told me that If I chose him I wont have their help or support ever again /: it's tearing me appart I love my boyfriend and he loves me I wouldn't give him up for anything! They see how happy he makes me and they did like him when they first met him they could hear me constantly laughing in the lounge but when he left they used to shout about all the crap he apprently did! What do I do :( our dates are perfect, he may not be perfect but no one is I accept him for who he is, we rarely argue and when we do we sort it out and we almost spilt up once thanks to them whih made things abit odd, the next day after that argument he came to me and said I don't wanna be appart form you I love you and all tht :( Please please help me I want my freedom back!!! I wanna see my baby boy again and have the relationship we used to have where we saw eachother for hours now we have to make 10 mins last /: I need advice please help thanks xx
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a break, best friend, I love you, muscle, my ex, on holiday, period, smokes, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 You won't like my answer, but here it is.
I worked out a rating system for the 20 bulettpointed things that, you say, your parents hold against your bf. 0 points for what it would be irrelevant or no big deal to me if I were your mother. 1 point for what would raise concern or annoyance in me, or what, anyway, I can see why it would bother or worry the average parent . 2 for what definitely would raise my heckles as a parent.
Your bf scores a worrisome 28, - not the total disaster that would be a max. score of 40. Bit not even acceptable and within the safety limits of, what ? let's say 15.... because parents know that they can't aspire to a perfect score , and they have to show some tolerance, flexibility and understanding re. their kids' love choices.
I can't debate each single point because it would take forever. I will just say that their not liking the boy, or not liking him to be with you, does not sound as irrational and ill founded as you 'd want it to be. I also note that you sound very defiant and stubborn, and most of the times you just dismiss your parent's opinion with a : not true ! not true !. Perhaps you do not realize that this way you make your parents come out as total liars, or total fools, or bat crazy. You do not sound even remotely prepared to admit or accept or consider that some of their remarks may be grounded in facts and observation, and not just invented by them out of sheer malice.
For instance: they think he is arrogant and rude - not true ! you say. Wait a minute. He must have said or done something that offended them , based on an average , run of the mill , moral and social standard.. According to which, he acted in an unacceptable way. At least unacceptabe to them. That YOU accept it and you are willing to put up with bad manners and bad attitudes because you've got the hots for the guy, does not mean that they have to be cool with said manners and attitudes.
Of course you want to pass your parents as terrible snobs, but.. for some reason I don't think we are talking here, about an imptoper way he handles his forks and knives. In which case , who knows, they might call him rude,... but, "arrogant" , why ? ... I bet that this refers to the way this boy treats them, or treats YOU, and your not true ! only means that YOU do not mind- and deny your parents the right to mind , instead.
And , they say he is all over you .. Oh they say it , just because they like to say weird stuff , right ? While of course your bf never ever kisses touches or fondles you in a way that would feel inappropriate ,excessive and embarassing to a parent ?...
Moral, I feel we have your very one sided views of the story, and I feel that you must have tried their patience a lot already, if they resort to something so harsh like: choose, either us or him, and if they had to SHOUT at you after your dates... That must mean something, because , come on, who does not feel a bit of tenderness for a young couple in love, and moms particularly ( dads a bit less) would go all " Awwwww.. they are so cuuuute..."
How come your young couple does not trigger tenderness in your parents , but just the impulse to kick his ass, and to keep you under lock and key ...?
Ask yourself these question, and try to answer with a shard of objectivity before piping up with : not true !
Anyway, as WiseOwlE said, you are a minor, we can't teach you a way to trick your parents , even if we wanted to.
So , the ( politically , and not only ) correct advise is : obey. You are 16, living at home with them and off them. When you'll be of age , and able to move out, you can date King Kong if you want.
The less politicaly correct advice is: keep doing what you are doing, and do not try to complain. 10 minutes is better than the 0 minutes you'd be granted if it were for your parents. And rememeber, that if you started with being allowed a lot of time together, hours and hours in a row, and a certain freedom, and he was allowed to hang out at your hom, and invited you out for meals with your family... and now you've lost all this, you only have HIM to blame, or perhaps him and yourself, because you haven't been able to handle in the proper way what you had been given.
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (24 May 2014):
WiseOwl is right that you can't be advised to go against the wishes of your parents. You will have to negotiate with them and work on it in your own way. Fingers crossed for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): Sorry! You are only 16, and we can't give you advice against the wishes of your parents. We are here to help with problems, but not to offer advice to teens who want to defy rules that their parents have set.
When you get older, you will be able to date as you choose.
Right now, I'm afraid your parents can monitor who you see and set boundaries. We can't totally trust you to be honest, because you want to have your way.
So you will make your parents sound atrocious; because you don't like the rules. Which is typical of girls your age, when it comes to older boys or bad-boys. The more their parents insist they don't see him, the more they want to.
The story is pretty much the same. The guy is always perfect in every-way. Then it's really strange your parents don't like him. It's weird they go out of their way just to make you unhappy. They must be terrible people!
Be responsible and earn their trust. You'll gain more freedom. You want the guy all the more; because you think your parents don't like him. Now he's forbidden fruit, and you're Romeo and Juliet.
You're going through your rebellious stage. That's why they've put their foot down.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (24 May 2014):
My parents did the same to me. Eventually I married him, 30 years after they split us up. We couldn't have children as we were too old. They wasted my real chance of happiness. We married others and had children but not together, though obviously I love my son very, very much.
I feel angry for you, they are making a mistake and it is not fair. It shows them in a very poor light. I do not see how they can physically stop you seeing him unless they throw you out! Much better if they agree a weekly timetable of when you can see him.
The mistakes parents make!
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