A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 22 year old girl who has a 27 year old boyfriend of one month. It basically took us 3 months to actually become an item, we are so alike yet different, I guess that's why we connect, love each other dearly. Our worst fear is losing each other, but now the problem is his ex came to him and told him she is pregnant. I can't lose him, at that same I want him to be there for his child. Please help, how do I handle this ?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 Perhaps this is horrible of me, but is he certain she's actually pregnant? Women use this extremely manipulative tactic as a desperate last means of holding on. Could she be just saying this to manipulate him into coming back to her?
If she truly is, in fact, pregnant, then it sounds to me like he has been messing around with her while you were seeing him. If you weren't official for a couple months, it sounds like that may be why. Or at least part of the reason.
Only you can decide what you are and are not willing to put up with. for me, this soon into a relationship, it would be a deal-breaker, unfortunately. The reason being because she's going to be all up in his life for the next nine months, and of course, after that, she and the child will be a constant in his life, as well. It's not something I would sign up for.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 I agree with the advice given thus far. This is going to be hard for you, but the best thing you can do for yourself right now is leave. I'm speaking from experience. I was like you with one of my previous relationships. I sacrificed it all for love, even though deep down I had my doubts and a nagging feeling that I was being foolish. I realized too late that he was not worth it.
Don't be afraid to be selfish or self centred in this situation. Your bf had no problem getting his sexual needs met while he was pursuing you.
If you decide to go ahead with this relationship, be prepared. You are not going to enjoy the ride, and most likely you will end up regretting your decision a few years down the road.
We are here to tell you don't waste those precious years of your life.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 September 2013):
 ..."pregnant" ... by WHOM??????
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): There are going to be months of complications and a lot of contact between your boyfriend and his ex.
She came to him with the pregnancy with the intention to get him involved with raising the child.
It is certain she intends to keep it and not raise the child alone.
She also intends to complicate your relationship by presenting a child into the situation. Provided it is his.
The best thing for you to do is to get out of this situation.
I know that is not the advice you wanted to hear. You want a solution that will make accepting it easier. There isn't one.
She is not going to go through nine months of a pregnancy alone. There will be hormonal swings, a lot of emotional outpouring, she will be very dependent on him, she will demand his attention, and she will resent you being in the middle of it all. You came along in the middle of something that was still going on between them. He didn't give you all the details. You're finding this all out now.
You can cling to him; but it isn't going to be easy. There is a child involved, and she has a tool to manipulate him.
The new girlfriend falls second to a new baby. The baby gets all the attention and deserves it. He is responsible for the child's welfare and financial support. He also has to take an active part in caring for the baby; or she will seek legal action for his financial support. He'll have no choice.
Prepare for months of stressful clinging to your new boyfriend. Your options are to either just be supportive and deal with it; or just go find yourself a less complicated relationship.
She's going to be the mother of his child for the rest of his natural life. She's not going anywhere.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 September 2013):
 He was still messing with his ex when dating you. A young girl like you should not have to deal with a man with ex baggage. You are still in love with him, it is hard to break up with him just like that but always know that when you can't handle it you can let him go. Yes you can lose him. He needs you more than you need him. Love is a strong feeling but in certain times it is a conscious decision. Sometimes love is not enough and when it isn't, you have to be stronger and protect your heart.
Things you can handle is maybe he doesn't love his ex anymore. Things you can't handle could be lack of quality time together. Also he has a child already so if you decide to have children in the future you will miss out of the specialness first time together. You have to worry about taking away time from that child. If you are materialistic like me I won't be too happy when a man is sharing income with people who have nothing to do with me.
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