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My negative body image is ruining my life in every way

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 December 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2017)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid, without going into too much detail, I used to be overweight through out all my teen years, and after a major depression for a period of over 3 years, I was obese at 340 pounds.

Over the past 2 years I got weight loss surgery and have lost 130 pounds putting me currently at 210. My doctors have expressed to me I should be at my healthy goal weight of 152 by summer 2018 :) and I am very excited. I had a few health issues such as lower back pain and knee problems that have almost gone completely away since weight loss.

I'm so thankful of how much healthier I've become. My issue is my loose skin. I have no confidence in myself. I didn't have much confidence when I was obese either. I feel sometimes as if I'm trapped in my body and will never get out and be able to truly be myself. First my weight was an issue, now it's my loose saggy skin from loosing the weight.

I don't feel confident in dating and it's weighing me down mentally. I don't have the nice body that men typically go for so I feel like I don't have what it takes to have a healthy relationship.

My negative body image is affecting my life in every way. What should I do?

View related questions: confidence, overweight, period, trapped

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (20 December 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntTry joining a fitness class and see if you can begin to tone some off it up. Did you loose the weight fast? If you did then that is probably why the skin is quite loose. However if you eat healthy now and up the exercise it will sure help with the skin. Once you reach your final target see how you feel then and if you still feel uncomfortable apply to get the excess skin removed.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2017):

When you are done losing the weight you can get effective surgery to remove the excess skin, and I would certainly do so.

With that being said, most people don't have a perfect body- they have lose or saggy bits, or are too thin in parts where they are "supposed to be" curvy, or have cellulite where society tells them not get the idea. I think every kind of body IS beautiful in its own way. But very few are perfect, especially as we start to age and women give birth...wrinkles form, sagginess have to learn to accept yourself as you are at some point and just forget the unattainable dream of perfect.

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2017):

I think you shouldn't date for a while. Meeting men when you have a low self image is likely to result in you going for the absolute worst kind of guys who will be able to see that in you. Sorry they are out there and they are not good people. Try and improve your relationships with your body in other ways. Don't focus on how attractive you think you look but on what you can now do with your new leaner body. Swim then run. Lift weights. Learn to love your body because it can take you places and is strong and healthy, you'll feel better about yourself and this will shine through. You are much better meeting guys through sports and hobbies you share than any other way. Starting to exercise isn't easy but it's much easier than staying home feeling bad about yourself. Good luck, be proud of yourself because of how far you've come. But remember your target weight is something that you can't rest at when you get there, being healthy is a lifetime of making the right choices.

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