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My mom is having a hard time dealing with a death in the family and is venting all her pent up emotions on me

Tagged as: Family, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2014) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Dear cupids,

This is not a relationship question but more something ive been needing help with in terms of my mother.

My aunt passed away a few months ago, and both my mum and i were really close to her.

Obviously this has affected my mum massively and she doesnt really know where to turn to handle it. Ive had my first semester at university and i returned home this christmas to find her a bit of a mess. Obviously i want to be there for her as much as i can but so often she is feeling sad and turns on me, it feels like she uses me as some kind of verbal punching bag to get rid of her pent up emotions.

Its really horrible to be on the end of and she keeps accusing me of being selfish, in a really attacking way but all i am trying to do is move firwards with my life at university etc.

Instead of picking why she likes having me home she notices every little thing i do to get in the way, eg accidentally leaving boots in the hall etc.

Im trying to explain to her that i want to be there for her but its really hard as i feel she is pushing me away.

How can i deal with this?

Thank you

View related questions: christmas, university

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014):

I would do my best to get her to counselling.

She will only harm herself by pending up her emotions and snapping at you. You are not being selfish and quite rightly you need to focus on your studies and your friendships as this will help you get through.

Despite her grieving, I think if this was my mum I would point out how she has treated you this entire holidays and that for that reason you want to ensure she goes to talk through her feelings with a therapist or counsellor.

I would have booked her an appointment with her gp and then drive her there. I think in this instance your mum both needs to be told how her actions are hurting you and are going to push you away and that she needs to admit she needs support to get through this.

I know you're trying to fly the nest, but arrange with her a day and time you two will call, skype, FaceTime...whatever is best. That way you can check up on her wellbeing and she has contact with you regularly. She can hear about your life outside of her little bubble and this might both distract her and give her something to look forward to.

Definitely book her a doctors appointment and get her down there, she needs referring to a counsellor.

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