A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have not spoken or seen my mom in almost a year. To put it nicely, she was never a good mom. She was emotionally and physically abusive through out my entire life, and has never changed. I've always tried to talk with her about our problems and help her and she told me she doesn't want to and that I need to get over it. She won't talk to me like a parent and child should and it hurts me. She is very emotionally detached. My mom came into a whole lot of money the beginning of last year and she did not give me a cent, but helped other people. I explained to her nicely that the situation really hurt me and I didn't understand why she helped other people and not me, her only child. She does not understand why I'm upset song tells me I'm acting stupid. I have not spoken with her since, and it's like she doesn't even care. My mom has always been mean to me ever since I was just a child, but she's gotten worse and worse and I'm really heart broken. I will never have a normal relationship with her and I'm hurt. How do I deal with this?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (23 April 2015):
I'm recently estranged with my mother. I cut her out of my life because she was and is emotionally abusive. I also suffered sexual abuse from a family member twice as a child and when I told her, she called me a liar and asked me never to tell anyone as it would cause friction in the family.She herself is narcissistic. Hope I spelt that correctly but google it to see what someone like that is. My mother was never a nice person and seemed to hate me. She still does sadly and has proved it many times. She's two faced, back stabbing and a liar. I'm 30 and finally realised she'll never change and that I don't need someone like that in my life. I deserve to be loved and happy and so do YOU. Have you got any other family and friends who you can turn to? It was not an easy decision to make but having support does help.There are other people who love you and it's important to realise this and reach out to them. The point I'm making is, you are NOT alone. Focus on yourself. Heal and live your life well and healthily. You don't need someone toxic in it who will only bring you down. Sadly people won't relate to what you're going through and will judge and say to you "Oh but she's your mother, surely you can forgive or things can't be THAT bad" This is a sensitive topic and area and it's important to surround yourself with people who get what you're going through and who can help.Speak to a therapist to deal with the issues of abuse you've suffered etc Also look online for sites that deal with 'family estrangement' where you can connect with people in similar situations as you. But always remember this...You would'nt allow friends or anyone else to treat you this badly so why your mother? Why is she different than anyone else? You've made the right choice by leaving her out of your life and not communicating with her. People will probably shake their fists and heads at me for saying this but it's true! No one should be abused and treated like dirt by ANYONE!!!! Family or not, it's unacceptable! You deserve to be treated with kindness and love and made to feel as special, and I'm in no doubt you are, and you're not getting that from the one person whom you should be able to open your heart to. Not everyone is cut out to be a mother sadly. The pain and anger they can inflict on their children can be profound and long lasting. But hun, you're a grown woman now and can decide whether you want her in your life or not and if you can handle her awful behaviour. You are in control and can decide if you want to be a victim or a survivor. If the answer is a survivor...then open your heart and mind towards people who are positive and who will love you. Get all the right help and grow and be prosperous and successful. The hurt your mother inflicted on you cannot and WILL NOT stop you being the powerful woman you are meant to be. None of this is your fault. And you don't have to live with the heartache she has caused you anymore.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 April 2015):
 I fully agree with Eyeswideopen
Some people shouldn't have kids. And some people do not comprehend that HAVING them was NOT the child choice, that punishing the child for whatever misery, is NOT right.
If your mom see YOU as a "mistake" then the MISTAKE it hers, YOU are not it. What IS a mistake is to push HER unhappiness ONTO you. Maybe because no one likes to wallow in misery alone.
It's HER loss. I do think talking to a neutral person (or counselor) can help you learn how to deal with the fact that your mother... is NOT a good mom.
As for her inheritance? Well, it's "hers" to do with as she pleases. When my grandmother passed my mom inherited a LOT of money, my brother and I were out on our own doing well, so we weren't gifted any money. BUT she did help BOTH of us with )% house loans (which we BOTH paid back). And I had a GREAT mom. The kindest sweetest person I have ever met. When my other grandmother died (and left a smaller inheritance) my parents went on a once in a life time vacation. JUST the two of them. And you know what? THEY deserved it! I was raised to be independent and to not have a huge sense of entitlement.
So let the money part go. It's a pointless thing to be angry about. YES, she could have given you some, to make your life easier (at least financially)- but If she can't EVEN give you emotional support I fail to see why she would give you financial support.
Don't keep negative people in your life. And when you have kids one day, BE a better mother.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 April 2015):
 If unloading some of your grief to a counselor by all means do it. Some people have no business reproducing, your mother is a prime example. Just know that in the long run it is her loss that she wasn't a better mother. This will dawn on her in her later years when you have effectively excised her from your life. You will be much better off with her long gone. Sorry this happen to you but you can make sure that if you decide to have children in the future that it never happens to them. Good luck Honey
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2015):
 Your mother is a mean person, I can't even imagine having such a mother.
I think based on your post and the history you report that I would treat her as though she was deceased.
I would mourn the loss of the mother I wanted and the mother that will never be and then I would try my best to accept the new normal. Which is life without her in it.
I would also try to deal with the abuse you experienced...
You could rise from this abusive troubled childhood to help others as well as yourself. Have you looked at getting some support via counseling?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Sometimes.... people who we ought to like and love are able to keep us at arm's length... and we have to get on with our OWN lives... and leave them to themselves...... I'm sorry that THAT is what has happened between you and your Mother....
You have to love her - in some form - because she is your Mother. Beyond that, you "owe" her nothing.... save the civility that ANY PERSON is entitled to....
Let her go... you go on and make the most you can of your OWN life..... The BEST way you can "get back" at her, is to have a great life, without her in it!!!!
Sorry. Good luck...
...............................
|
