A
female
age
41-50,
*ueenG
writes:I have been with a married man for going on 8 months now and it seems that we go well together, meaning the relationship between us just keeps going, we dont seem to have any problems, yeah sometimes i get mad at him when i cant be with him but he seems to always make it up to me.. However the problem is he dont want me to have anyone else but him, he says that if i should be with someone else, he doesnt want to see me again. I tried explaining to him why cant i have a friend on the side, and he said that he loves me too much for me to be with another man. he say that he loves we more than the universe, and he tell it to me everyday, but he is still with his wife and is buying a house with her. When we have sex it is unprotected and he doesnt seem to care bout it but when he is with his wife he completely ignore me, I hate this situation that I have created. He said that im hurting him, he should have never married her and that me and him are good for each other, its ok for him to go lay up with his wife but im supose to be at home alone waiting for him.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 May 2012):
When you knowingly make a deal with the devel, dont turn around and start complaning about the terms a month later....
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 May 2012):
 If he will cheat on his wife he will cheat on anyone including you. While you are amenable to his demands and accomodating of his needs he will tell you all the words you want to hear.
But it does not mean a thing to him
He will eventually find a new woman.
He will dump you eventually.
He may even bring in a pathetic excuse for why he needs tp break up. Or worse he may blame you.
BUT while you are with him he cannot spend 24/7 with you. He cannot spend every day over Easter with you. You cannot wake up with him beside you on Christmas day. You cannot visit any family events that he attends for his family. He will not introduce you to his family
You are NOT second best. But he treats you like it.
Once you start to stand up for yourself and ask for your needs to be better met then yes, he will walk away.
He will waste your time. You do deserve better
That he and his wife are buying a home together tells me that their relationship is Rock-Solid 100% committed.
Stop providing this man with his Sexercise.
You know he is lying to you. Unprotected sex with a Philanderer? YOu could catch some very dirty little bugs from a Philanderer who is so selfish he wants unprotected sex.
He has probably had many women in the past and will have many more in the future. He only cares about getting a 'lift' from sex with a woman who is not is wife. It is like an addiction.
I come from a position of seeing girls who have given a married lover the BEST years of their lives BUT when the man has tired of the woman her life has become a life in tatters and he walks away back to the wife, while she has to pick up the shattered dreams she had and walk away after having given up years when she should have been enjoying a beautifl relationship 24/7 with a faithful man.
Please consider all the down-sides to this unequal (power unequal) relationship.
You are starting to have doubts, and you are right. This will end in tears.. yours.
You know this is only going to hurt you long term.
Please reconsider ?
It is your own long term happiness that it at risk. A married man can never give you what you need.
And he will only TAKE what he WANTS.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Hi
Time to wake up and smell the coffee your not some niaive 16 year old your a grown woman. Your choosing to be his knock-off his dirty little secret, so when your with a lying cheating selfish scumbag you WILL have a problem or two.
He has sex with his wife,tells her he loves her,then has sex with you and tells you to remain loyal and single FOR HIM? Your the one who is free , free to see and date whoever you want, not him
Get rid, end it now, tell him your done with him. Go find a single available man who is free to be with you 24/7 if he wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): The idea for a single woman in her thirties to be with a married man is not very smart from the very beginning. Of course he doesn't want you to be with anyone else, so you ll be readybwaiting for him any minute he wants to play.
Are you looking to settle and have a family? If yes, he is not your man. You can playg with him as he is playing with you, in a mean time look for someone who is husband material. And remember, all ends eventually, and this affair will end too.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 He loves you so much he is married to somebody else?
He loves you so much when he is with his wife he totally ignores you?
Honestly, what are you doing here, where is your head? Where do you think your relationship with this man is going? Are you expecting hearts and flowers some time down the track?
A friend of mine put her life on hold while she waited for her married man to finally leave his wife and be with her forever and ever as he promised for more than 6 years. Guess what, when he finally DID leave his wife it was to set up house with the wife's best friend!
Men like this are not worth wasting your breathe, time or life on.
You say you and him dont have any problems, huh! What about the fact he doesnt want you to have a life without him, he goes about his life with his nice wife building his lovely home and expects you to just be a waiting for his scraps with your knickers in your hand. That's a big enough problem for any relationship!
Kick him, dump his sorry arse, tell him to take his double standards and insert them somewhere painful and then get to work on building yourself into the sort of person who wont accept anything but a committed monogamous loving equal relationship.
We are all on this earth for a limited time, why waste any of it, get a move on, time is a wasting!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 May 2012):
 You say you don't seem to have any problems.
I put it to you that you have a GIGANTIC problem!
First off, this man is MARRIED. He (and you) have no business whatsoever carrying on an affair. He's cheating on his wife - and you are participating in his infidelity.
You and he have unprotected sex. What are you going to do if you become pregnant? Do you seriously think he will pay child support for as long as it takes to raise a baby to adulthood? Twenty years?
Or maybe you won't get pregnant but instead be unlucky enough to catch a sexually transmitted disease from him.
He tells you he "loves you so much - more than the universe."
OP this man is USING you. You're his sex toy on the side. He's not going to leave his wife for you. No, he just wants you available and on hand to "play" with whenever the urge strikes him. That's why he doesn't want you seeing any other men.
Surely you deserve better than this louse! You need to value yourself - pick up some self-esteem and tell yourself you're a woman who should be respected and loved, shown consideration for who you are.
YOU are the one who has to assert yourself, respect yourself and show the world you are worth more than that! Because, unless you value and respect yourself enough to look out for what's best for you - even if that means making some hard choices such as getting rid of men such as this, and INSISTING anyone who comes near you uses proper birth control - UNLESS you step up to plate and assert yourself, nobody else will show you respect.
Although, having said that, it's also true there are decent, well-intentioned and kindly people in this world who will be concerned about you and will offer support and encouragement......
I realize this is very blunt, and it is not my intention to upset you. Think of my response as a wake-up call to spur to take action to look after yourself.....you did say you "hate this situation I have created for myself"
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (24 May 2012):
 He is MARRIED!!!!!!! You shouldn't be engaging in a relationship with him anyway. Why in the world would you believe anything he says to you? He is buying a house with his WIFE for Christ's sake... Clearly you are nothing more than a piece of ass, who obviously lets him have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want you. He doesn't love you. He is using you, and you're letting him.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (24 May 2012):
Are you so naive? Please try harder not to be. This is sad and ridiculous, and way too common. When u learned he was married why didn't u leave. He has no intentions on leaving her for u. I mean you said it yourself that he is buying a home for them both. You are an easy lay, all he must do is seemingly make an effort before u then you'll be head over hills. He doesn't love nor respect you. He doesn't love u bc he hasn't given up his marriage to properly be with you. He doesn't respect u bc he knows how much it hurts you when he ignores you when he's with his wife yet he still ignores u. You also have no respect for him to consider his marriage as a bind and move on. It really baffles me how people cheat with unavailable married people and expect to have a faithful monogamous relationship with them once the other is out the way. If he'd do it to his wife cheat, of course with a unanimous yes he will cheat more on u. Open your eyes not your legs.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 May 2012):
Yet you put yourself through it anyway. Why complain when you chose to do this? No one is forcing you to do something that you do not want to do. Yet you seem to want to blame yourself. Blaming yourself or him does not solve anything. You need to get up and get your life back and find someone who is well...single for starters.
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Queen: You describe a situation which is all one-sided.... IN HIS FAVOR. What will it take for you to come to your senses and decide to get out of it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): End it with him now. if he really loves u he would end it with his wife, grieve a while, then be with u and u alone. at the moment u a
just s piece of meat to him. Dump him now and find a guy that is gana treat u right.
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A
female
reader, RitaVida +, writes (24 May 2012):
This man is a selfish, selfish man. And you're allowing him to keep being this way.
You deserve someone who can fully commit to being with you, in the daytime and the night time; on a boring day AND a holiday (which he won't share with you, no doubt). He's feeding you whatever you want to hear to string you along. You want to hear that you're special, so he's telling you that. You want to hear that he loves you, so he's telling you that. But a man who thinks you're special and loves you, wouldnt hide you or keep you as his second priority--and TELLS you you're his second priority, up front.
You need to realize you're worth so much more than his bullsh-t. Dump this man. You're worth more than what he's putting you through.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): NOpe this is not right at all..... Get rid of him and move on. HEIS MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMAN they are buying a home together, it is her that he loves
Leave and find someone of your own
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A
female
reader, Lovelifex3 +, writes (24 May 2012):
I think you should not be with him at all because one he is a married man and two he's just using you for pleasurable reasons he dosent feel with his spouse he's playing with both you and her telling ou he loves you and by cheating on his wife I know you have feelings for him but you have to let him go an find someone better that's single and let him love you and tell you all those nice things .
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