A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone!Last August I began talking to a French guy online (just as friends) with whom I have a lot in common. Well, after a bit I started to have feelings for him and he hinted that he may feel the same way (neither of us said anything direct since I have a boyfriend at the moment and I really didn't want it to go in that direction). The problem is that, for him, he hinted (again) that he was thinking about a conversations too much and that he was feeling less "self-sufficient" than usual. He seems to be a little socially inept, but that doesn't bother me at all and I have always found that a bit endearing. Anyway, we talked less and less frequently and I started to wonder if our friendship was taking a toll on him a bit... Then he deleted every means I have of contacting him. He completely disappeared for like 3 months then all of a sudden he came back. Shortly after that, I found out that I was accepted to a job in France. Neither of us has said a word to the other since he reactivated his internet life. He offered to help me if I did end up coming to France and told me to tell him if I did, but he made it sound like he would help me from a distance and I am not sure if he really wanted to meet me or anything. I have a feeling he might be really shy, which again doesn't bother me. I am just confused and wonder if I should try to contact him with this news since I would like to have a friend when I go to a foreign country or if this would only put more strain on him... He was always very kind and encouraging to me, but I don't want to do anything to irritate or burden him. I am mainly afraid that he will delete himself again and I will lose him right when we could have a better relationship (and really I just want to be his friend. If things go deeper after we get to know each other, awesome, but I am not expecting that right off the bat...). I wish he would contact me since it feels like I am always doing all the work, but again I don't know if I should risk this... What do you guys think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): You could contact him just to tell him that you've accepted a job in France. Tell him it would be fun to hang out, and then leave it up to him. If he never acts on it, either because he's too shy or just isn't interested, it's his problem, not yours.
You sound outgoing, so you'll probably have no trouble making friends in France.
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