A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband wont talk to me. Every time we have words he will stop speaking to me for months. He comes in from work and goes straight upstairs, makes his own tea, cleans his own plates etc. When i try an talk to his he just swears at me. Theres a lot of issues between us. He keeps telling lies and has secrets and when i find out about them he goes mad. He says he wants a divorce but doesnt do anythink about it. I want my marriage to work but its so hard as its all one sided. We use to be happy but then i started to find out things about him which made me start looking into everything. I would check the computer all the time and find out he'd been looking at porn. Then the porn turned into looking at males. Ive found dating sites for looking for women etc. Im so confused, what is it hes looking for. His sex drive is non existant with me. My self esteem is rock bottom.
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divorce, porn, self esteem, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Find an attorney, get a separation agreement in place and kick him out. Tell him to find his comfort online through his porn and dating sites (male and female) and walk away from this toxic idiot.An abusive cheater. That's what you've got on your hands.Your self esteem should not be taking a hit. Here's why...This shift is about him tearing himself down. Think logically... what on earth do you have to do with him checking out guys? Precisely nothing. This is him versus him. He's let himself get weird.. probably from too much porn. Now he's all screwed up in the head. This has nothing, whatsoever, to do with you. Maybe you need to hit him with a 2x4... and throwing him out (with you financially protected) may just be the board that carries the wake up call.In the meantime, keep your head on straight. Do not allow yourself to fall into the poor self esteem camp. You cannot make or keep anyone else happy or fulfilled. That is their job. All we can do is support one another in the pursuit of happiness. Remember that.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 It's good to try to fix your marriage rather than walking out at the first sign of trouble. However, this sounds unresolvable. You husband has no interest in working at the marriage or even being married and he sounds emotionally abusive. You sound like roommates who don't get along at this point. The dating sites point to a coward who is looking to start cheating to make sure he has a fallback option for when he gets a divorce (as in he won't divorce you until he has another option). It's time you took control of your own life and divorced this loser rather than waiting for him to divorce you. Find someone better, who actually loves you and gives you the love/attention you deserve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): i definitely want to point out something. not to be offensive but back then things were different as far as gays were concerned. to me, it sounds like he is gay but just not very accepting of the fact. i would try to go ahead and see what else is out there because there are really tons of people out there that are so much healthier for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 October 2010):
There comes a point where you need to STOP. And this is the time. This marriage is truly beyond repair. I know you want it fixed, but realistically it's already over. He wants a divorce, he doesn't speak to you with anything other than swear words, he's staring at a lot of porn, which is now male porn. You've found dating sites, he has no sex drive. He lies. The list you have written is endless. And to top it off, he won't make this work.
I know you wanted to fix this, but that's not going to happen. It can't. He's not doing anything at all to fix it. He's doing anything but. You need to end this marriage, before your esteem is non existent.
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