A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been having some relationship issues for the last six months and at one point it got so bad that we were contemplating seperating. Just two weeks ago I found a text on his phone saying Hi Sexy Lady however he had this phone number under a mans name. I asked one of my close friends to ring this number to see if it was somebody that I new and it wasn't. I confronted my husband who confessed that he had met this woman through friends of ours (he won't tell me who) and that he had had coffee with her a couple of times. He said that he was flattered that another woman was interested in him and found it nice to be able to talk to somebody about our problems. He says he wants to make our relationship work and she text him the next day and he deleted the text and her number from his phone. I really want to trust him and move on but feel totally betrayed that he has discussed our issues with another woman and sent her flirty texts. He tells me nothing further has happened. I want to trust him and move on but am not sure how to do this?
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female
reader, shazzersere  +, writes (15 August 2008):
hi,ive just seen your posting,my fella told me about weeks ago he had been texting another woman,5 or 6 times a day,thats what he tells me!!!!!before that,hes started using deodrant,he haddnt bought a bottle in ten years,hed started shaving which he haddnt done for about 2 years(on a regular basis),and started looking for new clothes. i would park the car on the road opposite school,this is where he met her,and he would walk back to the car with her everyday,the car was parked where she worked,and when i mentioned i should start parking on the school road he said no park here,this is before i had any incline what was going on,basically he wanted me to park there so he could walk back with her everyday,then bang,he hit me with the hed been texting her bit,even worst is he had been having the fone on vibrate and silent so i wouldnt hear it,when i would be upstairs in bed he would come upstairs and ncheck so that he would come back down and text her and know it was safe,he sas theres nothing in it,that they were just good friends,but lastnight when he went into bed all i heard was beep beep beep,which i assume was his fone as soon as i got out of bed the beep beep stops,further to this hes telling me everythings innocent yet he wont show me the texts!!!! at first he told me it was cause of his male pride,then it was cause hed told her personal stuff then it was cause shed told him personal stuff,and he expects me to trust him???? perhaps had he shown me the texts id have known it was innocent now i will never ever know. i feel like such a friggin fool and everyday i get more angry and more annoyed,i want to go round to where she works and rip her head off,we will be going back to school in 3 weeks so its going to get even harder,because he will be seeing her every single day again,i cant trust this man as far as i can throw him now which is kind of sad and hurts,the thing that annoys me most is he is checking up on me which is laughable,hes been checking the history ect on the computer,2 weeks ago i told him i found somnething on the puter and he asked what else i had found,which means he was hiding something else on the computer,i have been looking and looking but it looks like whatever it was has been deleted now,anyhow thanks for listening. and i hope you get things sorted, i think youll find it ver very hard to trust him,your lucky at least you got to see the evidence ive had nothing to prove anything,as he now has hidden his fone in his bedroom and with a lock on it too,oh and that and the 4 sim cards i found beside his bed,this guy is taking me for a fool isnt he.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): my situation is very much the same, MEN they really piss me off. when i met my husband 13 years ago he restored my faith in trusting men again, i would have staked my life on trusting him. but i too found a text from another woman. i never thought i had a temper until that day i threw my ironing board across the kitchen amongst other things. he swore nothing sexual had happened, i actually believe him, but i cannot now go in his car as she went in it, and i just cant seem to get it out of my mind. so my solution is pack it all in, its bound to happen again, you will never no because he will be a bit more vigilant next time, and i certainly dont want to be made a fool of again. i know i have changed in myself, and he has sort of opened a door for me, hard to explain really, but i feel our marriage has gone. so get on with your life im going too. if you stay and it happens again maybe not now next month next year whenever, you will have wasted part of your life on a man that only considers whats in his pants. chris.after all i am only human.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Hi Guys,
Thanks for your replies. lexilou you're on my page and you have nailed it exactly, I am afraid that the possiblity for this to eat away at me to the point that I could permanently sabotage our future together which is not what I want. I am currently seeking councelling to help me wrap my head around this. Yes if I found there was more to it I think I would leave.
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A
male
reader, DANCINGMAN +, writes (17 May 2008):
I found text off another man on my girlfriends phone saying "tell me when its safe to ring" and "I love you xxx" she said he was just a friend, yea right, we are not together anymore, we had been having a fantastic relationship up until that point, I know how you feel, you just can't understand why ??? you can't trust him now, he has gone to lenghts to cover up what he was hiding and that's not so he can just talk to someone else about his problems, you can to councillors for that !
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 May 2008):
 It will flatter his ego to have this woman texting him etc. Lets hope you caught him before it went too far. Hiding it under a mans name is proof he has been at least emotionally betraying you. I think you need to decide what you want to happen now. If you found out there was more to it would you split up or forgive him? If you want to move on from this regardless of what has happened and keep your marriage make it clear to him that unless you know the full truth this will not leave your head and could actually damage your marriage permanently, it will eat away at you. If there is more he needs to get it on the table NOW as finding out at a later date will make it harder to forgive. It doesnt mean he has cheated fully and you will have to make the decision to believe him if he states this. I hope you can sort this out x
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Well... he was unfaithful... at the very least an emotional affair, and at the very least with the intention of starting something more. He was obviously sexually interested in this woman, and I wonder if you had never found out, would he have gone further? Probably. I speak as a reformed cheater. Storing a woman's number under a man's name is a clever trick- I used to use unisex names to cover my ass, it works like a charm and looks completely innocent. I'm sure your trust in him has been shattered. Why won't he tell you who introduced them? That's suspicious. If I were you, I would definitely push that issue because it reeks of lies. Maybe he met her on his own, maybe she's an escort that he paid for, maybe he works with her. Why was his friend introducing him to women when he's married? He's not being honest with you and you can't move on until you have the truth. Otherwise these questions will haunt you. Perhaps couples counselling would be beneficial. Chances are GREAT that he hasn't told you the whole truth. When a man gets caught in a lie of this nature, he will downplay what happened, making it as small as it can be and leaving out as much as possible. We will try to convince you that it's as insignificant as you will believe that it is, and often once we are sure that you're appeased, we'll go right back to sneaking around. Get the whole story, buy some relationship help books. He needs to recommit to the marriage and "fall in love" again. He's taken you for granted and has started to crave the single life again. This means that he has lost sight of how lucky he is to have you and how much you mean to him. He's forgotten how good he has it, being with a wonderful woman who (I presume) treats him well and with whom he has a great connection. Don't let him get away with going behind you back, let him know that it's unacceptable.
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