New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225387 questions, 979953 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My husband told me to sleep with another man, I have and liked it,will we have problems?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2008) 48 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

my husband, of two years,. has given me permission to have sex with other men. i did not ask him for this, he just told me it was ok one day while we were raking the yard (why, when we were raking the yard...wouldn't bed be a better place...but my husband marches to only his drum). he was my first boyfriend, first lover. i felt suddenly abandoned, unloved and told him so. he told me that sooner or later i will want to have sex with someone else and he didn't want me to feel pressured to cheat and put our relationship at risk and would rather have me meet my needs without guilt. i told him i would never do it, but after six months or so of thinking about it and thinking what it would be like with this or that cute guy, i told my husband i wanted to have sex with a guy from the gym. he asked how i felt about it and i told him i loved him dearly but he has been the only sex partner i have had and i would like to see what it is like with someone else. i made arrangements with my friend and we met at a motel. i felt scared, but it turned out to be pretty nice. i felt a little guilty afterwards, and when i got home, i told my husband about it and asked him if he still felt alright. he said everything was ok. since then i have had sex with three other men and i feel a lot sexier and confident about myself. is this what a person is supposed to feel?? i am pretty happy and i don't see any difference in my husbands feelings towards me. i want to see more men over the years. i like this. is this the way it is for most women...do you all feel this kind of satisfaction????????? is my husband right for letting me and will he get a lot of harassment if someone finds out???? i know our lifestyle is different.

View related questions: unloved

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, 4inkilla4 United States +, writes (2 July 2012):

I have been married to my lovely wife for three years now. I tell her all the time that its my fantasy for her to sleep with another guy. She humors me with words but she won't go through with anything. What should I do? I wish she was more like you.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

I disagree with several of the answers you have received. I am a man who enjoys sharing his woman. I always want her to feel free to experience all of lifes pleasures. I love her dearly and when we have shared her with other men our sex life seems to be in Hyper Mode. I am not a jealous person and I have no desire to be with other women. I don't cheat on my woman and she wouldn't be with someone else without my knowlege. All that said, it is my fantasy and she has induldged it several times. Some were good however some not so good and to be completely honest she says that she is really only doing it for my benefit and not hers. I do sometimes wish that she found more enjoyment or at least the same as I do and I think we are going to stop it because of this reason. I only really wanted to do it if she was enjoying it and if she is not into it then I don't want to force her. You should really talk to your hubby to find out his real motives for allowing you this freedom. Perhaps he is experiencing his own performance anxieties or something like that making him release his hold while in fact it may be tearing him up inside. I am sure this wouldn't be what you would want. If it is indeed his desire for you to be sexually free and it makes the love making between the two of you better then you are both lucky and I say have fun with it. But if it is not really something he enjoys then maybe you should consider not doing it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012):

Hello Girl

I just saw your post. I want to tell you, from a husband stand point, my experience, which just happened yesterday.

I had the fantasy of watching my wife having sex with another man, it just turned me on so bad. I told my wife about my fantasy. She looked at me sayin: are you crazy? why?. I told her how I began to have this fantasy. She has a very strong will, so I knew at that moment that I could not force her to do that. I just wanted to share with her my feelings about it. To make this story short, we found a guy in a web site, we began to talk to him. My wife liked him (nothing specia, but such a gentleman and a nice guy, those who know how to talk to a woman). Even when we previusly decided to remain in the fantasy level, my wife, lik you, felt that she wanted to live a new experience, since I am the second lover in her life, and her fist one was not so good. When she told me she wanted to do that, I felt devastaded. I could not tell her not to do it, since I asked her on the first time (at a fantasy level). I wanted her to experience everything in life, despite my own feelings, but today I am devastaded. I know she had the time of her life, because this other man is very good in bed.

Be sure you are not hurting your husband. I didn't tell her about my own feelings so she could enjoy it at the maximum level. Be sure your husband is not doing the same but hurt in the deepest of his heart.

Good luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, tatert United States +, writes (30 January 2012):

Honestly, I don't understand your husband at all. I view my wife as my best friend, lover, and the thought of sharing her with other men disgusts me. A wife is to be adored and treated with respect and dignity, not as though she is just some whore. He is obviously unfaithful and want's "permission" to do what you are doing. He is gonna tell you he is not having sex with other women, but I would bet money he is, and had before he told you that it was ok for you to as well. What better way to alleviate your guilt than by sharing in it with you. Now you are both just running around screwing anyone that you find attractive and making it ok for each other to do so. If that works for both of you then no problem. Just don't think it is because he wants you to be happy. He wants to cheat too....fact.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, most4tune8 South Africa +, writes (10 July 2011):

There are many different views to this that range from all sides and extremes. I come from a very religious, conservative up bringing where sex is between husband and wife and anything beyond that is considered dirty and unnatural, a temptation and the dude with the horns and red hot fork gets blamed for it all!

As for me, I think you are in a very lucky situation. Make the most of it but be careful. Be sure you are still loving your husband and be grateful to him for being okay with this type of lifestyle.

I say that because I wish for the same in my relationship. I wonder about becoming intimate with other ladies but my real desire is for my wife to have many lovers, lots of sex and experience the full pleasure that I am not giving her.

I have had that desire for the past 20 or more years and it is still there. She is sexy. When she lets her hair down, she can go wild. I know that but I have never seen it - because of conditioning.

You are able to go and do that!

Enjoy it!

You should!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and right from the beginning we said that one day when we felt ready we would be open to the idea of experimenting with other people in the bedroom. I have always enjoyed being with a woman and thought this may be as far as my husbands fantasies would roam but recently he has been fantasizing about me being with another man. We have the most truthful and committed relationship and because of these fantasies and playing it has brought us even closer and I feel more connected to him than ever. When my husband first brought up the subject I said that I didn't know how I would feel if the tables were turned and he said it was his fantasy to see me with another man not for him to be with a woman .... And since this conversation I have met many couples who the husband feels the same way, it is all about pleasuring his wife. They want to see their beautiful wife getting pleasured from a third person perspective or have the wife come home and confess all the naughty details ... As long as your husband is always a part of this and you both agree on what is happening then it is completely healthy. Not only does it make the wife feel unbelievably sexy but it makes the makes the husband incredibly attracted to her, it keeps the spice alive where most marriages diminish in this area after years of being together. Most of the couples I know that have been involved in some level of swinging have the most open, honest and loving relationships I know.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, he4she United States +, writes (2 January 2011):

I'm a straight single male I heen with three couples, they were all for the wife's pleasure. The husbands just wanted their wife to be happy. These couples are still together and very happy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010):

I was totally in love with my wife when we married and she was in love with me. I told her I didn't want use to get into future problems if she someday got excited, turned on, and wanted to or at the moment felt an overwelming desire to have sex with another man. She had had a few prior partners. We had a great sex life with incredibly open communication. About 9 months later she got turned on by a classmate, we talked about it, planned it and she did it. It was exciting for both of us strengthing our relationship. I was proud of her sexuality and her honesty with me. She was proud of my faith and trust in her.

She chose to have a new "outside" about every year or so. That's not the "correct" frequency" - it's what she wanted. Correct is what feels right for the individual.

On another note, why do some readers think they know how much outside experience is "correct" or "allowable"? Some people have never developed their sexual appetite. That's ok. Some have a great appetite and need many partners on a regular basis and that's ok too so long as the frequency does not imped on the relationship with their spouse. Don't some people like to run into their 80's and some never like to run? We don't condem one group or the other.

Individuals are - well - individual. Your ideas may be right for you - maybe only for you (and yes I realize my ideas may not fit you, may not fit millions of you, but it may also fit millions of you.

Some people seem to feel it's better to be sexually supressed and pretend that that's a virtue. The problem with that is that the pretense eventually gets old and often (over 50% of the time according to statistics often cited by various studies) someone decides to have "outside" sex in a traditional marriage. The spouse finds out, or there develops a feeling of attachment (to help justify the sex) or a feeling of frustration with the spouse (again to help justify the sex)and impediments develop to the marriage.

My advice if never have sex, never have non-sexual intimate relationships unless you feel very, very connected to your spouse. For many in traditonal marriages, it goes exactly the opposite - No outside sex when you feel connected to your spouse and then outside sex when you don't feel connected. That's a recipe for disaster. When you're not feeling connected to your spouse, then is the time to work on re-establishing that connectedness. Once you're reconnected then you can let youself have fun "outside" - not in secrecy.

If you and your spouse are in a strong, trusting, highly communicating relationship and not keeping secrets then what the two of you (you and your spouse not you and your outside partner) do needs to please you and not every other person on the planet.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010):

Dont be surprised if he leaves you if you overdo it

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

Many men enjoy this fantasy, but for many different reasons. I have done some research into this particular fantasy that men have, and I will try to list and explain some of them.

1) Some men are simply bi-curious, and this is a way to get some physical contact with a man without actually taking a direct step towards bi-sexuality.

2) Some men wish to live in a dominant/submissive relationship, some or all of the time.

3) Some men are deathly afraid, and some are convinced, that their wives/girlfriends will eventually cheat on them. They wish to "control" as much as they can of the cheating. Typically men will lay down some ground rules, that can't be broken, and that the wife agrees to abide by, which if followed allow sex, but attempt to limit emotional connections in these "affairs".

4) Many men wish for their wives to be the consummate prude in public, but a total whore in the bedroom. In allowing a wife to cheat, and her doing so, in the sight of her husband or at least with his knowing ahead of time, is simply the height of being a whore.

5) Some men become bored with the sexual relationship, and indeed, are allowing the wife to "cheat" which will make their effort towards a swinging lifestyle easier to broach with the unsuspecting wife.

6) Some men are masochists, and enjoy the pain and humiliation that comes from the knowledge that their wives have been unfaithful.

7) Some men wonder if they are large enough to fulfill their wives (many men have this insecurity) and wonder how differently their wives will behave with a far larger and physically more attractive partner.

Obviously these are simply some of the reasons men want this fantasy. The men who wish this fantasy, may have one or more of the motivations as listed above.

Men who engage in this fantasy seldom realize the danger they are placing their marriages/relationships in when these fantasies are acted out. They believe their wives can have sex with little or no emotional feelings resulting from the fantasy. Though many men (and some women) can detach sex from emotions, women are simply wired differently and have a harder time doing so. There are many other things that occur, along the lines of bio-chemical euphoria that occurs in sex with a new, and exciting partner. Dopamine and oxytocin are released in great quantities within the brain and these are simply some of the most addicting drugs to humans. In the end, this fantasy is much like revenge, in that 99% of the joy comes from the anticipation of the event, with only 1% of the fun coming from the participation in the event.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, ???fe?? United States +, writes (23 November 2010):

Ok I read all the post here and I have to say most people are open to it and dont see the problem which means they are open minded to let people make their own decisions. Except for the anonymous female on oct 27th who is close minded and should comment on something else. Now for my opinion......

I don't see any problem with having an open marriage as long as the trust,respect and love is still between you two .

My first marriage was an open marriage, at first it wasnt but after 4 or 5 years we started to experiment. We had neighbors that were swingers and we swapped wives one night. It seemed to open the doors for a lot more, but the problem started after she was sneaking off while I was at work and not telling me about anything.But like I said if you can keep mind right it could be a long and lasting marriage.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

you guys are all sexual freaks and really need to realize that sex is NOT the primary goal and meaning of a MARRIAGE. You should have never gotten married if you do not understand the meaning of fidelity, love and intimacy that comes from mutual respect, honesty and commitment. You guys ALL really need to get divorced and I feel sorry for your children who have you as role models for what ideal lovers should be.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

Weird that he told you just out of the blue. I don't understand the motivation, unless he was holding some emotional guilt. That said, I don't think that sex outside the marriage is necessarily bad.

Talking with my wife about fantasies one time after sex, she admitted that experimenting sexually with another guy was one of her dreams because she hadn't been with anyone other than me and was curious. Although shocked to hear that come from my (normally very conservative) wife, it's actually a very reasonable and natural fantasy in many ways.

Later, I agreed to support her if she wanted to act on that fantasy - as long as she was honest with me about her emotions and experiences. We've discussed it, and the idea still excites her... but (for now at least) she's decided that it's not something she wants to pursue further.

My suggestion is to just be very open and honest with each other. Why was this something that he brought up? Is it a part of his fantasy, to have a dirty wife or to know that other men find his woman attractive? What rules do you (as a couple) need to make this work without creating jealousy and insecurity? Do the opportunities for outside sex go both ways, and will you swing together? What type of support does each person need for mental, emotional, and physical safety?

Having sex with other people introduces a risk into any relationship because sex does promote emotional bonding between most people. Unless you communicate well and have a strong relationship to start with, it's likely going to create a myriad of issues that will need to be resolved.

But if you really do love and trust each other then this can be a great experience. Just remember that you need to be aware of his needs and keep them in focus instead of getting carried away with fulfilling your own desires.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010):

My significant other (for 3 plus years) recently indicated that he fantasizes about my sleeping with another man while I am away from him, and indicated that he gets excited thinking about my performing sexual acts with this guy. When I asked if he wanted me to have sex with another, his answer was yes. I then asked him if he wanted to have sex with another woman, he said no--but he would love to watch me having sex with another man. I am suspect--in the earlier stages of our relationship, he asked me about my knowledge of "swingers" and when I responded that I was not into that, he dropped it.

After reading the your comments, I realize that I would never to be able do this. But what really blows my mind is that my partner and I are both 60 years old--why would he entertain an activity that could possibly result in the end of our relationship or a STD unless there is more to it than just getting off?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

Hello All

This is the first online reply i have ever sent, but feel i had to give my point of view to set some records straight.Im very very happily married, ive been married for 12 years to an absolutely beautiful , sexy, caring , perfect wife.I know for sure she has never strayed, and more importantly to answer some peoples questions i have never strayed, nor do i ever wish too.I gave my wife what we called a "golden ticket", which means i told her she can choose and sleep with one guy of her choice, well this was over a year ago and she has not taken the offer.I have offered this as i love her soo much and feel part of an unbreakable marraige.The thought of her dropping out of the usual 9-5, keeping a good home,working and paying bills, looking after myself and the kids to have her time makes me feel great, she deserves a little fun and i would feel no jealousy at all .We talk about it in bed and im sure one day she will take this offer/opportunity and i hope she does.We have talked about every detail down to what she would say to me my text when the time comes and how i will reply (like "go for it huni and have fun"), i guess oddly when the time comes and i know shes out there with a man making love to her i would be as turned on as she obviously would be!.Just wanted to set the record straight with some of you guys,ive never been happier, ive never cheated as i have a very sexy wife and i love her loads, she has never ever cheated, we have a great life, im not depressed nor insecure, i just want her to experience that feeling of freedom and that feeling you get with being with someone sexually for the first time.One thing i hear over and over which drives me nuts is when men say they would never let their wife do such a thing as they belong to them as they invested a lot of time and money on them!!, women are not property!.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, californiaguy United States +, writes (10 April 2010):

Yeah, don't worry about what society says- if you guys are in it together and having fun, enjoy!

I am married to a wonderful pretty woman who once in a great while gets to be a bad naughty girl and have sex with other guys. It's incredibly hot for both of us, because we use the event as foreplay and sex talk, and we have the most insanely hot sex after and before.

The thing you need to watch out for is making sure he's in on things. Don't do it and then tell him later, that'll make him question your truthfulness. If you do this thing, it has to be for both of you to get off to, not a selfish side trip for you.

Good luck!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010):

i dont think that is wrong i would love to let my wife have sex with other men. its weird weve benn togeter for 5 years and i no its weird but it kinda turns me on when i think bout it i would like to have a three some with her and another man we talk bout it in bed but idn if she just says it in the heat of the moment. can u help me how can i get her to do this?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, shodoc United States +, writes (30 March 2010):

Go for it! I have recently let my husband sleep with another women. She is a good friend of mine and we have joked about it for a while. I was out of town and gave her the green light. They had sex and now she is wiling to show him a few new tricks, using me as an example. (I get all the benefits.) My husband is not okay with me sleeping other men yet and that is okay with me. I want us to have an open, honest and trusting marriage and in order to do this he has to be ready to take that step. We have been married for ten years and sex had been getting stale. I have had more sexual experience then he has and want him to gain more confidences in the bedroom. He is a husband and I don't want our marriage to end, but I need more excitement in bedroom. I feel that is unrealistic to belief that a person is expect to only sleep one person for their entire lives.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, shades of blue United States +, writes (8 March 2009):

shades of blue agony auntI told my wife months ago that I liked the idea of her having sex with another man. She was very offended and hated the idea. I told her it was just fantasy and that I enjoyed imagining her being very sexual and teasing other men to the point of sex. She tried to play along with my fantasy, but would become offended.

One night we visited this site and others so she could read about other couples having sex outside of marriage. The night ended terrible and I thought she was leaving me. She cut me off that night. Not just because of looking at the sites or fantasizing, but she did not want to be that sexual. It was all very dirty and disgusting to her. Years of me pushing her to be more sexual came crashing down.

I honestly felt hopeless, wishing I had never opened my mouth. Weeks went by with us being detached from each other.

Then, you guessed it, she met a guy online. She kept me in the loop as the relationship developed. She kept saying how much she liked another man wanting her. She got worked up as he begged for pictures of her and told her what he wanted to do to her. Somehow, she thought of him as a gentleman and sent him a dozen or so pictures. She also became very graphic with telling him what she wanted to do with him.

Most of the time I was into it, but other times I would get very upset when I read emails or saw the pictures she sent him. She has now agreed to meet him and have a night of passionate sex (provided they "click" when they meet in person). I am excited for her, but still feel bad inside.

The great thing to come of this is my wife is so confident now and is feeling more sexy and sexual than ever. She has blown me away and been aggressive with me. Our sex life is the best it has ever been. She actually seems to be accepting me. We are talking and liking each other more than we have in years.

For the most part she has displayed no sign of guilt and is trying her hardest to meet up with guy. My biggest fears are that I will loose her to him or that things will go back to the way they were before him.

We both keep saying over and over again how crazy this is. How could her sleeping with another man make her feel better about herself and help our marriage? I do not know, but for know it is working. I also know that if they ever do meet up that he is in for a hell of a night!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, cuck counselor Canada +, writes (28 August 2008):

It is a very common fantasy for men to like to watch and share their wives. Some fulfill that fantasy. Most go through life frustrated because social values get in the way and often frustrated mates become obsessive and refuse to understand their partners desires/needs.

Multiple partner sex is not a solution for a broken marriage but many happy couples have found it to be a fulfilling, recreational experience if they play respectfully and openly.

There is no hard fast, 'right or wrong.' Neither the state nor the preachers have any business in the bedrooms of the public. If you are open, honest and have a strong healthy 1-1 sex life and marriage then there is no reason to not enjoy fulfilling each others fantasies.

I could go on and on about this but the reality is that it works for some but it can be a risky game. To play successfully you need to begin with a strong 1-1 bond and be able to talk openly and honestly to each other. Play safe and realize that having fun is not a sin.

There is a long history of cuckolding, orgy, partner sharing, etc........suggesting that it is human nature. Whether you and your partner choose to repress this desire/need or whether you fulfill those fantasies is a private choice.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Same situation on my end.. actually he really wants me to ,and then have sex with me. This does feel very weird, however, it is a fantasy of his.. Speaking to someone below about this being not a healthy relationship i disagree .. you have to understand all relationships are not created equal and some have such a strong relationship built around trust and peace that makes it okay. I would worry if you were doing this to fill other voids beyond SEX.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

why do guys like to watch there wifes sleep with a nother man

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

Don't you wonder if he's sleeping with other woman and just not telling you. I wonder if it's his guilt and it makes him fell ok if he knows that you're doing the same.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

my husband also recently told me that he feels bad that he had slept with many, many women before we got together. but that he's my one and only. so he said that he really feels i should go out and sleep with other men. i've always been the flirtatious type, have almost slept with several men outside my marriage. and last week i finally did it... i met another married man and slept with him. i don't feel guilty about it at all, but i also don't feel like i want to tell my husband about it.i'm not sure how all this will play out. when my husband and i talk about the possibility of an open relationship, he always encourages me to sleep with other men but says that he just doesn't have time to sleep with other women. it's been a crazy couple weeks and like i said, i'm just waiting to see how all this plays out...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

Why are you worried about what other's think?

You don't need anyone's blessings for sure. To live he life you want you have severe that line of thinking. You like having sex with other men. It gives you real pleasure. Your husband seems cool with it. You are right the spark can wear off quickly with some. So if you don't plan you end up looking for more - and that could lead to other issues - health, rape etc. I've known a few sexually adventurous women and I'll tell they are the ones the men remember all their lives. I can tell all their names and where we were, the weather etc.but I can only vaguely remember the straight ones. Ask around I think you'll find it's true.

But here's a thought. If you can find a way to bring it into your marriage it might help to build a stronger bond. You could plan your adventures together. If you like being sexy and you want to be naughty with other men why not see if your husband wants to be included - to see you get it different way? If your sex drive is that much higher it might stir him up to see you in action. Men are quite visual and he may like being part of it. I

You ask what will people say? Well I can say how things worked for us. To me my wife is very beautiful. A sexy full busted Terri Hatcher type. After a about four years of an active straight marriage I asked her to get sexy with a guy we would pick. Like you, she said no. Said I was nuts... didn't love her etc.. but after months of pillow talk she, like you, said she would. I really loved it. She wasn't too happy but went along with it for me. Months later we did it again. And again. By the 5th guy she got off. Well this was fantastic! So I got greedy and stupid with it and she got mad. I apologized and we went away on holiday. She was still angry and decided to teach me a huge lesson -and she went on a sex marathon - and made me watch her each time asking me if I still thought she was hot. I thought I had lost her, She had me begging and pleading for her to stop. She after three days and nights she did. I apologized and told her I would never do that again - that if I wanted to her be part of a fantasy she had the right to pick who was in it. We made up

Since then and for fifteen years we sample our wild side a few times a year. She picks who she wants and we set it up. We keep it safe - most of the men are carefully selected friends or men we know. Why? They are happily married so there's less chance of STDs, they have families so they have lots to lose - so they are discrete. And the variety doesn't allow for a relationship to develop. It's like a buffet dinner - pick what you feel like - instead of food it is what she is in the mood for humor, size, romance, rough - whatever the mood she is in. That's fine with me.

So what do people say? From the men we know ...Nothing. The guys who are our friends appreciate the life we have and get to have wild sex. For example - Once in a while my darling wife will feel like a marathon. So I will arrange to go away with four of the guys on a fishing weekend at the lake. My wife comes along and does what she likes when she likes. A few of the guys wish their wives would want to play - but don't ask.

Your husband is a self employed talented artist. If you live in a religious town and people cluck... find a community that fits you both and move there. You husband will find lots of work. And who knows.. you may even help close a deal. Don't laugh. It happens

Cuckold? It's just a word. And for us we all joke about it. It means a guy has a very attractive wife that other want to screw - what do they call a guy who married to a frigid frump - lots sure come to mind

My wife went from straight traditional marriage to a marriage that has plenty of fire in it. It's not for everyone. But we have a caring sharing relationship. She has a new found power - she makes the decisions who she wants to bed and she's happy. So am I. We have three kids (and yes they are ours)

But be warned. We did have some negatives experiences - with guys that fell in love with her and wanted more. We had to say good-bye to them. The other women we know - we don't talk about it and they don't seem to know.

One guy we called it quits with phoned some of the wives. But our circle stuck together and we all denied it - the other men involved laughed and said the accuser was nuts - what else could they do? We cooled it for a while But now everything is back to normal at least normal for us.

The thing for us sex is a huge world to be explored. We don't cheat on one another - although I'm sure some readers with a more limited point-of-view would say we are. When we hear that we look at the divorce rates. A lot of "straight" couples we know are divorced or lead boring empty lives. We have a lot of fun... a full life and respect and still can't get enough of one another after all these years.

You and your husband are finding what you guys like - just be careful, communicate a lot, be smart and be safe. Find like minded people - and don't worry about the others. It takes courage to live life on your terms.

Live YOUR life honey... it is too short as it is. As I like to say... how many good summers do we really have?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

I always found it weird to have my husband telling me how much he wants to have sex with me after being with other men. Now , I get best of both worlds and since when does it matter what others think ? It's not like I advertise and My husband finds me way more attractive and our sex is better than ever!

He said once that by sharing me with other men it was almost like being with another woman w/o having to play the game! Besides, it is much easier for a woman to get a man in a moments notice than for most men and he loves my body that much more when other men love it too . It comes down to what works is best.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

This is not love.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008):

You should be proud of being the motivation for your husband's compersion. He loves you so deeply that instead of feeling jealousy he takes pleasure when you are with another man. I admire him for being so courageous as to ask you directly to sleep in another bed.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (21 January 2008):

rcn agony auntIt's not him sleeping with others. Your question is with you. With marriage comes responsability, respect, honesty. He told you to do it, you liked it and want to keep doing it. That's fine, if he said you can do it over and over again. If it was meant to be a one time offer, that's what it needs to stay. Not doing so, and not being honest, might upset him to where he chooses to end the marriage, which then you'd have free reign to do whatever.

Religion doesn't tell you anything, nor does it condemn. Religion is simply an individual, personal relationship.

You choose to live the way you want too. We all have a certain set of morals we live by. To be a proper principal to live by give yourself a test to see if doing this is right or not. If you had children, and he says it's OK to do this, then you should be able to tell your child "watch a movie with dad, i'm going to go out on one of mommy's dates." If you're not able too, it's against your own priciples of behaviors.

Also, keep protected all the time. I met a lady 22 whose dying. Her husband slept with one person while they were separated, and gave his wife HIV. That was before laws were past where people can be charged with murder, or manslaughter for passing a disease to their spouse.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008):

original poster of question....when my husband starts a piece, he works at it until he is exhausted, rests an then plugs away at it again until he gets it done. a lot of his work has a predetermined completion time. the mural has to been done when the car dealer opens a new building or the church opens a new building or addition. most of the time i hang around with him as he paints and help him with drudge work: cleaning brushes (i cant tell you how long it took for him to trust his brushes to me), washing paint rags, cleaning pallets or what ever he wants. he has a cot in the studio and we often sleep there and when i wake up he already painting. if i wake late, he always cooks me breakfast. he makes the best omelets. i think the reason my husband gave his blessing to me having sex with other men is that i told him when we first started getting serious that i don't think i could go the rest of my life with only having sex with just one man. i believe we are not naturally monogamous. i never have like how religion is always telling me that i have to live the way they want to and condemn me for wanting to enjoy things that don't hurt them at all. and i am equally disdainful of people who are upset by people who like to live differently. WHO do they think they are????? they want me to have the same crummy sex life they endure because they are too insecure or afraid to be different. marriage is a social institution originally designed to protect property and determine heirs for that property. we get along quite well. if my husband has sex with another woman, well, i ain't gonna lose any sleep over it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008):

well, if this lifestyle works for both parties then hey!! Please keep in mind there are many diseases out there, so stay safe! And yes hes probably giving you permission that way he wont feel guilty. Is he alot older than you? if he is he might feel guilty for stealing your youth. I think its a bit different but if it works for you then no one should judge hell people cheat all the timde they just dont tell so in my opionion your better off.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (20 January 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntThis is pretty weird. I think that he wanted you to sleep with other men so that he could sleep with other women if he hadn't already. I think there's nothing wrong if he has no problem with it but indicate that he should tell you if he's doing other women. If both people know about it, I don't see why you should feel guilty. I still think its quite odd he would even tell you you have permission sleep with other men. Either he's an extremely understanding and sweet guy or he is a guilty cheater.

Either way, I think its ok.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (19 January 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntAre you sure that he's not depressed? I have always been in the art community, and most artists can tear themselves away from a piece for dinner and an evening out with the missus. It sounds like kind-of obsessive-compulsive behavior. Have you ever thought that he might be testing your faithfulness and your desire for him?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

i posted the original question.....i need to fill in a few things; i tried not to write a real long question. my husband and i really are hot for each other. we have sex a lot, a whole lot. he is older than me, but not so much in years as in experience. i tell him all about my meeting with men. he never has said whether it turns him on or not, but he tells me he is happy if i enjoy myself. i thought i my have feelings for someone because of this, but after i had this one crush for a couple of weeks, i have adjusted and it is just good sex. love is not sex, never has been, never will be. my husband said he could have sex with a woman he dislikes and still get off. at first, i really had a lot of sex with the first two guys and not as much with the next two. i don't take any of my husbands time. i go out when he is involved in work. he is a painter of murals and sometimes he will work nonstop for a couple of days. he does them here in his studio, he works at home. they are really cool, he paints canvas panels that are glued to a wall and can be moved if the owner needs to move it.. if my husband wants to go out with a woman, i would not say no, because fair is fair. i am my husbands model, so it's nnot like he around a lot of different girls. if he is not painting, my husband is reading. he has over 3 thousand books in the front room. he has a good heart, never is mean spirited, likes to tell jokes and is always feeling me up. he just has ideas that are not mainstream...he dislikes religion and its chains wrapped around the brain and the genitalia. i don't work, my husband gets about 6 to 10 thousand for a large mural or one of his statues. he sold a sculpture to a cathedral in England. it was a wood carved madonna. he sold his first picture, a mural to a tree nursery, when he was nine. they still have it all these years later. oh, i guess i am running on and on...sorry!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

Well, my story is just the opposite. My wife and I both had just one sexual partner with our first marriages (our spouses were our first). My current wife got divorced about 3 years before I did and had about 10 partners in that time. She was my first and she told me to date other women after we started dating. I dated 4 women during a couple of years. The main reason that she wanted me to date others was to make sure that I didn't just fall for the first woman who I dated after my divorce. She also thought that I would desire to date other women at a later time. This worked well for our relationship. I got some confidence from dating others, as my relationship confidence was low. After these 4 other women. I decided that my current wife was the one who I wanted for a long term relationship and stopped dating others. She told me that I could continue if I wished, but I thought that I had taken advantage of this situation enough. It worked out well for our relationship and strengthened it because of my gained confidence and her knowing that I really wanted her.

You said that you felt guilty the first time. I felt guilty with every woman who I dated, but less so with each one. That is when it is time to stop. Did you feel guilty with the 4th man? If not, then you better be very careful.

Your situation is a bit different than mine was, as you are already married. I'm sure that having sex with other men makes you feel attractive and wanted and that self confidence may help your long term relationship. However, you have to say that enough is enough at some point. You cannot allow this to go on forever and risk hurting your relationship with your husband. My personal opinion is that you should stop now or at least very soon. You should have satisfied your curiousity and boosted your confidence after 4 men. As some others have said, allowing this to go on too far risks it becoming addictive and severely harming your relationship with your husband.

My wife has just read this and she said the same thing that some others have said. She thinks that your husband may be having affairs with other women and is just trying to cleanse his conscience by allowing you to do the same. She finds it strange that he just suggested that out of the blue. She says this because that was part of why she wanted me to date other women. She was not very happy sith herself for sleeping with 10 different men in the 3 years before she met me and probably wanted me to date others to help with her guilt. That may be part of why she wanted me to continue dating others. He may want you to do the same as he has to help with his guilt. This is assuming that he has actually had one or more affairs. It is also possible that he is guilty about what he may have done before you were married, sort of like my wife was.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Billie0013 United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2008):

Billie0013 agony auntSo now you've satisfied your curiousity with a few guys I suggest it is time to say "ok, I've had a few and they're pretty much the same" and return to being a faithful wife. Thing is, curiousity and wondering what a guy you see or meet is like in the sack is ok, but there's an awful lot of guys in this world and you can't sample them all.

You've had your fun, so, if you want to remain married to your husband, stop now!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

As long as you're having safe sex & not risking bringing any children into the world under these circumstances, well, it's your life. If you husband truly doesn't mind, then I don't see the harm in it.

One point though:

It's time to start worrying when you find yourself beginning to tell those little "white lies" or omissions to your husband about who & what you're doing on the side.

And be aware that eventually he might decide HE wants some fun on the side too. Are you prepared to handle that possibility just as smoothly as he is handling this so far with you?

It's not set in stone that he migth want to play around too, but I'm saying that if he starts feeling that way then he's got a fair amount of justification for it already if you know what I mean.

Of course it wouldn't be entirely 100% fair for him to force you to accept his affairs after he already walked you into the affairs habit without his half of the games being mentioned as a possibility. But I'm saying the whole thing becomes a bunch of grey areas once one spouse has already played around with permission from the other.

Tread carefully.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (16 January 2008):

WOW don't you guys have a "nice" marraige.Have you ever considered what you would do if you started to fall in love with one of your "sex toys"? Maybe your hubby is doing the same and is trying to divert attention away from him.Unless this all mean nothing to you,both of you are putting your marraige on the line but you are both consenting adults.

All the best.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

I understand your husband. I'm in a similar situation where I have a young, fairly inexperienced g/f and I'm older and have had lots of experience. So I worry about her getting curious too.

However, I haven't had the nerve to tell her to sleep with somebody. I think I would have to develop a new attitude of detachment. It's been safer for me to keep it as a private fantasy, and frankly that fantasy is an enjoyable one. But actually going through with it in reality might not be something I could handle. However, your husband can handle it apparently. Does he get a sexual thrill from your stories?

I suppose if this works for you then it seems like you have a good arrangement. Of course there are potential pitfalls but there are in any marriage in the best circumstances.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

This is anything but a healthy marriage situation, and I suspect it is all but over. Good grief, I hope no children are involved.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (16 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntLet me share with you what I see in the future and whether they will come to pass or not ,I do not know. It is just a scenario. I hope I am wrong.

All those men whom you slept with will surely tell their buddies who you are and you will attract more unwanted attentions than you like.

Your reputation will precede you wherever you go .You will get no peace as all kind of vile men would be hounding you for your service.Your life would not be the same again.I hope you can handle your new found popularity and reputations.

Your husband will be ridiculed by his friends for being a cuckold and all kinds of derogatory names and he will find that he will become the laughing stock .

If you do not care what others think about you and your lifestyle, and only want your own self satisfaction.,I wish you all the best and be happy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, IntoxicatingLastBreath United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2008):

IntoxicatingLastBreath agony auntWell..

Would you feel alright if he was having sex with other women aswel?

Because i'm sorry to say but maybe he just told you it's okay to have sex with other men so that he could do the same with other women to fulfill his needs?

And it's not wrong of you to feel sexier and satisfied, i'm sure lots of people would feel the same.

But it seems a bit 'out of the ordinary' that your husband would just burst out with that while gardening, so you should question him more about things..look into it..because maybe stuff was on his mind aswel which you might not know.

And if i was you i wouldn't tell anyone who you think may look at the bad side of things or you feel uncomfortable speaking about things to, because they may handle the situation in the wrong manner.

Hoped i helped in any way

-Krissy3

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

Didn't you even question 'why' he would suggest such a thing? To state that 'you will sooner or later want other men' was certainly not a compliment to his faith and trust in you as a wife, was it. It sounds for reasons of his own that he 'wants' to drive you out of his life. I don't get it. He sounds horridly insecure about his own abilities and his own value as a good, loving devoted husband.

I don't think you both have any idea of how this could blow your lives sky high. Because I need to know--what will happen when you grow emotionally close to another man, that you enjoy sex with? There is a highly likely chance this will happen. I have always said "sex drives the heart' for most women. You are female and you are not immune to that. Another thing, I do know for a fact, that there is no way that most married men would be able to cope with their wives having sex with other men. The anger, the jealousy would be insurmountable for most of them to endure.. Why? Because 'they love their woman and the blatant sharing of that type of personal intimacy with another man' would be too much for a man to bear. So what is going on with hubby that he agrees to such an arrangement? As Bemused suggested...he's up to something. What was his rationale for allowing this? He's young like you...he's healthy...is their bedroom problems? Let us know. I'd be interested. Has he lost his desire for you? Has he got someone on the side? Oris there someone that interests him?

I can tell you that I don't know of one marriage that has survived this kind of open sexual activity. I'm willing to believe that some marriages do thrive on this kind of thing, but I honestly don't know of any. I know of plenty, on the other hand, that have fallen apart. So, my advice is he should value you so much more as his beloved life partner, (not just his good friend) who shares her life, her love and personal intimacy with just him and only him. I wish you both well and good luck, in the future.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (16 January 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

I am a regular visitor to a site where many people act in polygamous relationships. These are intelligent,mature free thinking individuals who just like having sex with other people. Now it's not something I could do myself, but I accept that people out there do enjoy it. So who am I to judge?

I worked with a woman whose husband liked to watch her having sex with strangers, they both got off on it . Different strokes for different folks .

but I would advise you play it safe, don't meet any man you are a little unsure of as you could end up being abused or contract an STD. Condoms split and slip off as well so make sure you have extra protection. Swingers clubs are an option as they are a safe environment.

As for the rest its really only your business, but you might find that your husband might want to dabble himself in the future as well - how would you feel about this?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008):

You're not only playing with fire, but you are just asking for trouble in your marriage. Have you considered the reasons why your husband is taking such an unconventional approach to your marriage? Have you considered how you are going to feel should he (if he's not already) start sleeping with other women? I would definitely question his motives for such a departure from a normal relationship with his wife.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (16 January 2008):

SamuraiRick agony auntWhat is most important here is the happiness you and your husband have with each other and the arrangement you have, although it is not the norm. He asked you to do this, so he is apparently happy that you are doing it. Happy in the sense that he is seeing you fulfilled with the experience you never had before you married, and often times when couples marry and do not have a lot of sexual experience beforehand one or the other can often stray for curiosity’s sake….usually without their partners permission. When that happens and is caught in the act, it can lead to breakup and divorce.

But your husband is stemming that before it happens in a sense. Here he is encouraging you to get out and experience something new, and he is also confident in you and loves you. And you love him back, as you say. As long As your love is true this can work for you and you can still stay strong in your marriage.

However there are pitfalls here….you are playing with fire while you are sleeping with other men. Sure you are getting sexually fulfilled, but the risks even if you eliminate the potential risks to your marriage, are still great. There is always the risk of STD, even if you use a condom; there are no 100 percent guarantees. You never know who you can trust and you could be abused or physically hurt. And even if every sexual encounter is a good one…what if you happen to encounter one who really gets your attention and you fall in love with. Are you prepared for that possibility?

And another thing…do you see an end to this pattern. Do you see the day when you can say…okay I had my experience, now I’m ready to end that and just have sex with my husband exclusively. You have to have an exit strategy of some sort. That’s a discussion you should have with your husband.

You are entering bold territory here, and not many couples can pull it off. But as I first stated, if this is working for both of you; if you are both happy, then hey….Go for it.

Remember to always play it safe with condoms and also stay on the pill. The last thing you need is a baby with any of these guys.

Peace Out.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, bemused Canada +, writes (16 January 2008):

bemused agony auntThis is surely one of the more interesting posts I have read. Within the confines of a traditional monogamous relationship this steps well over the boundaries to most peoples thinking. It sounds to me as if your husband is either doubting is ability to make you happy or he may be cheating himself and is attempting to offset the gulit by giving you the same license. You took a risk my dear when you went to the hotel with the guy from the gym. You did not know him that well but that is always the risk of a one night stand. I am assuming you used protection and that you used protection with the other guys. You are obviously feeling sexy and desirable but I think as many women can tell you...those feeling could fade fast. I am not going to get on a high horse...you are human after all but I urge you to slow down and think. The situation is troubling you enough to ask for help here. You are in a passionless marriage. Obviously the high that you got when sleeping with other men only shows that you are in a passionless marriage. This is not a good situation and you are obviously not getting your needs met. Do you love this guy? Do you think there is hope. It does not sound good to me. A suggestion. Even if you and he do not stay together ensure that...in your dealings with other guys you are prudent and cautious about your physical and your emotional safety. If you are not no one else is apt to be.

Good luck hun and keep us posted.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (16 January 2008):

rcn agony auntSo you tell your husband after every time, or just that once. It sounds like he was not giving an open invitation to the whole buffet, just to one dish.

You're taking advantage of your husband. You're putting sexual desire over your marriage, and it's replacing the true bond a husband and wife should share together.

People who go out and have affairs after a while, as he was saying you might, a big reason they do it they're not in love. People have become so confused about what real love is it's baffling. It's no wonder why divorce is at a high and continues to climb.

Be a wife to your husband, not (whatever they call gals that sleep around).

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

New answers are blocked to this question

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.109375!