A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband of 19 years met a 23 year old waitress in our local cafe. She has sinced moved to another state but they talk to each other 3-4 times a day. He seems to get upset when i ask if he has talked to her and what they talked about. he has told me that he is attracted to her. he assures me that they are just friends and when they talk he is listening to her problems with her family. he tells me that he loves me and always will and that i am being jealous. Do i have reason to worry?
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female
reader, marmalade22 +, writes (28 July 2008):
 I truly think there is something wrong with his friendship with this young girl. Definitely call her and talk to her woman to woman. You really don't know what their conversations are. Do they email each other or use texting to communicate with other? I think you have a right to know as his wife. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot your hubby would be uncomfortable with you speaking frequently to a younger man or any man.
Be aware that she may lie to you because you have no idea what your husband tells her about his life. The exchanges they have can't all be about her family and friends, so be very careful.
I wish you all the best, I know exactly how this feels except my husband started talking to a young girl but told her he wasn't married. But you don't know if he has told this girl that he is unhappily married to gain her sympathies and trust. Be strong and always remember that you are a special person that deserves your happiness and peace of mind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): No 23 year old listens to an old man's problem without getting something in return. Check your bank statements, make sure he isn't sending her gifts or money or if he hasn't stayed at any hotel's recently or pulled out large unaccountable sums at the ATM.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): I have kind of the similar problem but my boyfriend in a way stalks his 23 yr old health teacher..He tries google searching her and trying to find ways of contacting her but never can...however, his feelings are far from mutual...she adored him and thought that he was cute, however she is happily engaged... He too admits to being extremely physically attracted to her...he's even gone as far as telling me taht I have a bigger butt than her during sex...do you think that maybe he is trying to emotionally cheat as well? Did your husband start off like that?
On the other hand...it does sound a little suspicious of your husband to always be talking to this woman, to help her out is one thing but every day??? How many problems can this woman truly have?? I wish you the best of luck...and whatever happens I hope that it won't be as bad as one might think.. I pray that he realizes how this is making you feel and changes his way.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I agree strongly with "Ask older sister", and everyone else who answered you.
He is having an Emotional Affair. If a "Physical Affair" hasn't happened yet, expect it, unless he puts a halt to this thing.
See if you can get him to go to a Marriage Therepist with you.
If it were me, I would call her up and have a little chat with her.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 What he is doing is inappropriate. He is attracted to her and gets some pay off by the communication. If they lived close to each other, who knows what might happen. So to answer your question about jealousy, yes you are jealous. BUT, you have reason to be. He may truly believe that he'd never cheat but he is enjoying the thrill of the hunt and that is disrespectful to you. He's convinced himself that it is normal to be attracted. That is true. He has also convinced himself he will not cheat. That may be true. He is also being inconsiderate of your marriage. That is what he needs to see.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): Well is it possible that they were having a physical affair before she moved and now that she's so far away, are only able to keep it up by talking on the phone 3-4 times a day? That is totally unacceptable. I think you know it too. How could you not act jealous? You're his wife, I would be irate!! I wouldn't be able to deal with this to be honest & would probably flip out on him.
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A
female
reader, 4me +, writes (23 July 2008):
You already know that you have something to worry about. It's not right that he's doing this to you. He surely isn't going to tell you his real feelings. If he cared about you he wouldn't be doing something like this that he knows hurts you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): There are two types of affairs, emotional and sexual. Although some people think that an emotional affair is not as bad as a sexual affair, I disagree. I think that its probably worse. Either way we look at it, he is cheating. Perhaps he is living some fantasy out, seeing as though she is so young, he might get a thrill by that. It still does not make it right, and you should not bet told that you are acting jealous, how else should you act?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): It sounds to me like he's putting his finger in two pies - yours and hers.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 yes you do have reason to worry. he is being totally disrespectful and unfair to you and this behaviour is completely inappropriate. and the fact that you know he is attracted to her just makes it all the more obvious that this should not be going on at all. the other poster is right, alot of affairs start out as friendships especially when one person leans on the other for emotional support. if he cant respect your marriage and stop this behaviour then he is not worth waiting around for. the link that the other poster has put up sounds interesting check it out.
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