A
female
age
30-35,
*nC89
writes:Hi thereMy husband and I have been married just over a year now. He has been on the xbox chatting to girls I told him I didn't mind him chatting to them on the xbox as long as it stays to the xbox, I don't feel that it's appropriate for him to have them on Facebook or have their number.. although I've asked him not to do this he proceeds to add girls and just last night his parents were up for dinner and while I was entertaining his parents he was messaging a girl from the xbox on Facebook and told me it was his mate (a fella) what should I do? Am I over reacting?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2016):
 No I don't think you are over reacting. As much as I am okay with people networking for gaming, I think adding them on to facebook is a bit more personal. Is it all girls or is it both?
The simple facts are he is still doing it even though he knows how you feel, which shows that he simply does not care about how it is hurting you.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 November 2016):
 Ok, personally I cant see a problem with chatting with chicks in the same manner as you would a dude, gaming context, but to add them as FB friends I think a step too far. The fact that your husband out and out lied is a real problem. Deceit in situations like this tend s to grown and intensify at an all to alarming rate. The right thing for him to do is respect your wishes as his wife and think about whats more important. Time to Sit him down and tell him what you want,why and what will happen if it doesn't stop. You could start with his lying to you just reiterating your concerns of this having the potential to get out of hand. By doing that he has just given you proof that it's already started. Stay strong and stand by your word.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): well you could either accept thats what he does, or leave him. you could try playing him at his own game, but that would make you as bad as each other, but at least it will give him a taste of his own medicine.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (19 November 2016):
 Talking to them is in poor taste - doubly so because you've already asked him not to - but it's the lying about it that would truly concern me. You have set a boundary in your marriage (Xbox chat is OK, but not Facebook friendship and messaging) that he has not only broken repeatedly, but is trying to conceal that he has broken. It makes me wonder how he handles other boundaries in his interpersonal relationships, and sadly you should be wondering the same. At best he doesn't have much regard for your feelings; at worst he is reaching out to these girls to develop something emotionally or even physically despite the commitment he made to you. And it's clear you cannot take him at his word when he tells you something because you have already caught him in a lie about this.
If you have not told him point blank that this behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop immediately, now is the time to have that conversation. Be completely frank and direct about it - no beating around the bush to protect his feelings here when he has so little concern for yours. If these girls were people he knew and had existing friendships with, my answer to you might be different, but this isn't him trying to maintain meaningful connections in his life, it's him looking outside his marriage for attention, an ego stroke, and maybe even more than that, depending on the nature of these conversations. Do not let him convince you that it's controlling of you not to accept this behavior from him, or that what he's doing is harmless when the distress it's causing you is real.
Hopefully a genuine heart-to-heart with him about how this affects you is enough to shake him out of whatever delusion has allowed him to think it was ever acceptable for a married man to be doing in the first place, but if he doesn't care and refuses to change you'll have to take a hard look at whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this. You've barely been married a year and he's already acting out - imagine dealing with the emotional stress of wondering what he's hiding from you *now* every day for the rest of your life, or trying to raise kids or care for sick parents with a partner who would rather be flirting with other women on video games and social media. If he won't change and you won't leave him, you're in for years - if not decades - of heartache, misery and stress. Doesn't seem worth it to me. Better to cut your losses and walk away after a year of this than to suffer through another ten or twenty years before realizing you've had enough, only now you have kids or pets or ten to twenty years of shared assets to consider.
I hope this helps clear things up. Good luck with this situation, and best wishes moving forward.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 November 2016):
 Well he's ignored your request to stop messaging females after it makes you uncomfortable, so where do you draw the line now? Doesn't sound like he's any plans to knock in on the head any time soon, so does it would lik his guy respects you?
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