A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a mom to two daughters, 11 and 13. Been married for 13 years, but we've been together for 14 years in total.Earlier in the week, my best friend Jenny and her fiancee Katie came to my house, as Jenny had something important to say about my husband. I've known Jenny since high school.My husband, on the other hand, I've only known since I was 20.Jenny told me that she had two pieces of news; one about my husband, one a celebratory piece of news about her.She said that she'd bought herself a 2019 Toyota Landcruiser, she'd waited years to find herself a good one and could finally afford it after having to buy older sedans and budget SUVs and the Landcruiser was way beyond her budget until now, but her financial situation had gotten better since 2018.But the car isn't the big issue, it's my husband, which soured the celebration somewhat.She said she and Katie went to a local McDonald's and she saw my husband and Janey kissing and cuddling, Jane was wearing an "I (HEART SYMBOL) OLIVIA RODRIGO" white crop-top and he heard her say to him "I've left my wife for you, now we just gotta move my kids in, it'll be gooood" and Janey was laughing and saying how my husband was better than any Tinder date she'd had.Jane is the school principal.I've no reason not to trust my friend over this, she's honest and open about things, I don't think there's any ulterior motive.I confronted my husband over the incident that very same night, he denied it, said "That's fucking crazy talk, is your friend cray-cray or on drugs".After four hours, he eventually admitted he'd been in an affair with the school principal since July 2021, and that he's going to move in with her.It's not like she's the younger woman - she's only three years younger than him (he's 43), so it's not a huge older man/younger woman age gap.I don't know what to do for the best other than reporting her. NEED HELP!Names changed in this for anonymity.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2021): Get a divorce. Or did you think that he would promise to behave and treat you well in the future. Maybe he will but he will never keep that promise. He would either carry on seeing her behind your back being more secretive and cautious or wait till the dust and suspicion has settled, or if he has to wait a few years before starting to sneak around again. The point is that a man does not sneak about if happy at home.
So why is he not happy at home? If he were a sensible grown up he would have talked to you about it, but if you ask him he will just shrug his shoulders or lie, so that will not get you anywhere. You have to work it out for yourself. Some guys are not able to do relationships, does not matter who they are married to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2021): My dear, I am so very sorry!
Don't delay in calling a lawyer! His boldness and insensitivity may be an indication that he has had a head-start; and may already be legally prepared. Don't be fooled by a sudden change of heart; he'll come crawling back, claiming he didn't know what he was doing. This is a stall tactic; and could mean he's buying himself time to move assets, or drain bank accounts. Check all your bank cards, credit cards, and your savings or checking accounts. If you can, put a temporary freeze on any co-signed accounts. No large cash withdrawals, or high balance credit card purchases without both signatures!
Keep your head about you, stay reasonably calm. If you are a woman of faith, seek some spiritual guidance and prayer from your worship ministry. God is in your corner, He loves you, and He comes in handy in times such as these.
Don't panic, and go easy on the children. News like this has to be served delicately. Don't let scorn, or anger, tempt you to be toxic; or use the children as pawns. That could backfire.
May God bless and guide you, and give you His peace.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2021): Divorce is not such a good thing to do.
But it seems you have to get a divorce lawyer and fast OP
AND consider the kids
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2021): I'm going to guess that your sex life is something less than exciting and that he's looking else where. Have you tried talking to him as far as problems, money, pressure, sex, etc. Maybe try some new things together?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 December 2021):
 You contact a lawyer. ASAP.
Depending on the state there are a variety of outcomes when it comes to financials. You need to be ahead of the affair/divorce train. He is still in the "affair fog", so you might be able to settle this faster and in a way BETTER for you and the kids.
Talk to your lawyer BEFORE reporting her. Get your ducks in a row before you go scorched earth. You also have to think of your kids here.
So my advice? TALK to a divorce lawyer, IF compensation is an option in your state, I'd sue HER for that. It can go into a college fund for your kids.
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