A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am 24 years old and have been married for four years.I recently found out that I am pregnant for the third time and was scared but excited.My husband does not want me to have the baby and says he will leave if I do.I can't understand how he can say that looking at the other two beautiful faces.He is worried about money and what we are going to do and he says it's all my fault that this happened.I just can not see punishing a poor little baby because he wants to be a jerk!I just can not do it,I never could.Has anyone been in this situation before?and do you have any advice for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): To the good aunts Stop cursing this poor man. He too has a right to have a say . Yes the OP has made a decision and she will keep this kid but in future plse understand this: we all can get too emotional over abortion and make decisions based on our heart strings. So think logically. Ok I won't go into the merits of an aboirtion or anti abortion bec your decision is made.
I just have a few things for you to be mindful of:
Your hb is not a bad guy
do not judge him so fast. He is worried about finances. Give him credit for thinking beyond sex and emotions
Are you working or a stay at home mum. If you are not contributing financially why are you dictating the terms of your marriage
If you are working can you get a raise, or do extra to cover the costs of an additional child.
During this time stop fighting your hb, win him over with love and affections, slowly make him come to terms with this baby. Do not alienate this man or else you will be taking care of 3 kids without him by your side. I am basically telling you to grow up.
After this baby is born get on the pill/ injection and make birth control a priority. Damit you re younger than 25, so stop becoming a abay factory. If you had the money go procreate all you want but you don't
Lastly make your other 2 kids part of this pregnancy. And your hubby too. Don't you dare act all superior bec you have now decided. Win your hb over with love and realise this: his threat to leave is a serious one.
The above advise is only based on your decision to keep the baby. If you were undecided or pro choice then my advise would have been tweaked a but to suit the situation.
Good luck
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 That's heartbreaking... what the hell kind of a husband expects his wife to abort her baby? :'( I read your post and it broke my heart.
Have you thought about adoption, like other posters suggested? And why the hell is he blaming you? Unless you tricked him, and I have no reason to believe that you did, he shouldn't be. It takes two people to make a baby and he could have had a vasectomy if he didn't want more kids.
If you just aren't able to provide for the baby... look at all the people who desperately want to have a child and are unable to have biological children. You could always consider adoption.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (20 August 2010):
I agree w/ you i wouldn't do it. and how can he exspect you too! knowing you have 2 children that you look at every day. he is so wrong and sellfish and not a good father! to even consider a abortion you will not do good if you did you are going to have a hard time doesn't sound like he will tho. you sound like a good mommy, do whats best for you i would tell him go ahead and leave im not having an abortion! and you will have child support on 3 so either way it's going to be costly.
BEST WISHES!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Abortion is an awful decision to make. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-abortion. But, I've known people who had abortions 70 years ago and were still suffering for it.
They don't talk about it in public. It is private and terrible pain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Thank you all for your advice I am pretty sure I have made up my mind.I love my husband more then anything but this is my child we are talking about and they are a blessing.I will find a way, I have to I am ment to have this baby for a reason.I don't know why yet but I am sure I would rather have a little money trouble then spend the rest of my life morning my baby.Thank you all again for all your advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): No one should be forced to be a parent against their will. He has as much say in this as you do. Men do have rights dispite want the previous posters say.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): tell the jerk to go take a hike and have the baby. You will find someone better than him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 August 2010):
 What DOUCHE LORD! Sorry. He should have gotten a vacectomy if he didn't want any more kids OR used condoms 100% of the time..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Were you using birth control? Did you discuss the risk of another pregnancy and how you felt about that with one another? I think you have both been irresponsible and whilst I know that you would love this child like your others you cannot avoid the fact that your husband seems ill prepared and resentful and he is being very practical. Resentment can grow and cause a great deal more problems. My advice would be to have a think yourself about the finances and the pressure this will cause and see if there are any practical steps you can put in place (working from home, online business, additional child care help etc)and maybe sitting down and looking closely at your finances / monthly budget, so that when you approach him about it again you have some support for your desire to bring another child into your family. Its a common mistake women make that men will just 'hope to cope'. Perhaps he feels his ability to provide is going to be threatened. Support him with these feelings and say you want to turn over every stone first.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 August 2010):
 While I think adoption is admirable, I think it becomes exponentially harder when other children are involved. How do you explain to the others what happened to their baby brother/sister. They'll be thinking they are next.
Abortion is your choice. It's up to you. You know where he stands. If you do make that choice, the earlier the better.
His blaming you for this is complete bullshit. 100%. He was there having sex too. He's equally responsible. If he didn't want any more children, he should have gotten a vasectomy to make sure he was shooting blanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Don't see how he can say it's your fault, these things take two. Unless you tricked him, which I'm sure you didn't.
I think he's being unreasonable saying he will leave you if you have this baby, which is a soft way of threatening - Basically leaving you with no choice.
I can understand where he's coming from if you're having money troubles or he's worried about money. Just seems he's handled it badly and said a few wrong things.
Remember, this is your choice and yours only. Also, don't tell yourself it's a baby, because it isn't yet. It's just mixed sells, not a growing baby.
So, it's either your husband, or mixed sells (a fetus inside of you). But whether or not your husband actually means what he says and will leave, I do not know as I don't know him personally, but surely he wouldn't go through with it would he?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Yeesh, Im 25 and trying for my first! I would ecstatic to be pregnant..as u are..Its ur choice and ur body and ur husband needs to take into account ur beliefs. (if u dont believe in a abortion and u think its wrong) Mistakes and accidents happen all the time so why correct this mistake with abortion? If everyone did that, then there wouldnt be any anti-abortion laws in certain states or advocates picketing the clinics. I also couldnt give my child up for adoption either, I know its helping someone else out, also sometimes u can have open adoptions. Just tell him that everything happens for a reason and God chose for u to have a 3rd baby. It is ur time and probably the last! This is how many children ur ment to have. Give it time, bc ur husband is stressed out now but in 9 months he'll change his mind.
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A
female
reader, Brandee77 +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Firstly, let him know its not "All your fault"... It takes two to tango. Secondly there are other options other than abortion.
But if you both decide to agree to it(abortion), then that is your decision. But he has to respect you enough to respect your decision and I would say that to him. As your wife, you should be respecting me in how I feel about our children. Let him know you will be okay. Money may be tight but as long as there is a lot of love between everyone; God will be with you and it will all work out in the end.
Maybe cutting back on cable or cutting back on something that is just "cosmetic or an unneeded bill" will allow him to see you are doing what you can to save the money to put towards what the extra cost of having this baby would increase your bills by. Showing him you support him and that you also need his support. Let him know you love him but you also love what is growing inside you and you can't just throw it away.
Tell him your true feelings calmly and yet still showing support and love for him. Agreed with previous writer, if you all did not want to be preg, maybe using birth control would be a good option for the next time.
I speak from experience when I say there are other options available. I am a 32 year old who due to cancer now is unable to have children and I would give anything to have a baby. Now I cannot and I had no children before the cancer, and now we will have to adopt and there are so many people out there who would love to have a chance to have a baby. So even if you don't keep it - I hope you can give a chance to someone who can't.
Good luck - I hope it helps. My thoughts are with you.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Well the baby is inside you and it is your choice. If you are having money worries I can see why he is worried, but blaming you and leaving is totally unnecessary - leaving you is only going to make things harder financially. Why does he blame it on you? Were you on the pill? Did the condom split? Maybe he knew you weren't protected but had sex with you anyway? You can probably apply for child support to help take care of the child. You may also be able to apply for a part time home job? There are other things you can do - put away $30 per week into a savings account, let some interest build on it and then it's there when you really need it. Hopefully your family will be able to provide financial support. In my personal opinion, your kids come before your relationship, even before they are born. Avoid abortion if you can. If you decide to give up the child, put it up for adoption, where it can have a healthy happy life and you can find them in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Well, it's not a baby. It's a fetus right now. It's not punishing anyone, as it's a fetus, not a growing baby. If money is tight, it seems pretty reasonable to not want to strain things with another kid. My advice? Use more birth control next time.
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