A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is trying hard to save our marriage after his affair with a teenage girl. I believe it is over and he is behaving now. He is nicer to me than ever and is going to relate with me. He still when explaining thing makes me feel it was my fault it happened. He isn't as apologetic as I would like him to be I would be so upset if I had destroyed him in this way. I have two girls and a new baby boy and I feel still in shock and the doctor has put me on anti-depressants. I'm not sure if it is worth the heart ache and mental torture of staying with him. I keep picturing them together all the time. I feel I am doing the right thing but why can't I stop punishing myself with these images. I feel that the last year was hell and watching eastenders is like watching my life. What do they see in these teen girls I'm very similar to Tania and I don't understand what is wrong with me. His explanations just don't help I would like my esteem raised but I don't know how. Has anyone come through this and are happy now I'd love to hear from you.
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female
reader, katie85 +, writes (18 January 2013):
I am going though exactly the same thing, I am 28 next month, my husband is 30, we've been together 13 years, we have 2 children and he has constanly cheated on me!, all of them much younger, mostly teenagers!, I have gone through his phone and emails and facebook and found out there's more on the go then I first thought and even found out his on a dating site, when I confront him he just gets very angry and says its my fault for snooping when I ask why he always says he doesn't know why!, this is mental torture!, Even some he has kissed, done sexual things with infront of me and there boyfriends, he always played mind games with me saying I'm seeing things, I'm paranoid etc, when his phone rings I'm hearing things then months later he'll say yeah he did have a call!, this has made me feel ugly, old, fat, boring, humiliated, depressed, lonely, useless, I love him so much though I want to stay with him and our 2 children. I think he just needs help, he clearly has a lot of issues with beingable to tell me or show me his feelings, he txts these girls sexy messages he never txts me even hello or how are you never mind sexy messages!, and he says he loves them all the time, I've never told anyone but him I love him, he refuses to go to counselling with me, his mum just says well his just like his dad I know what your going through he would never talk and got angry and it frustrates you so much that's why I'm glad his left me for his much younger secret lover!, he says he won't ever do it again but in 13 yrs I struggle to remember a year that he hasn't cheated, I don't think he can make me feel loved or wanted I just keep clinging onto hope that one day he'll surprise me and say let's try for a baby or let's give you the wedding you deserve the dress you always wanted (we got married at gretna on the cheap no guests, no reception, no dress), I know I need to be more positive I have to be strong but its hard!, has anyone been through this? I'd love to speak to the lady who posted this post and see how she is now!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Stop watching Eastenders if it distresses you. As for self-esteem there is counselling, self-help books and courses.
Your husband is going to Relate with you. Many wouldn't. Maybe you could ask the counsellor there to work on the issue of why he blames you.
I think it is a common experience to have images going through your head you can't forget when you have been hurt.
I've been cheated on and have similar images even though I have cut off from the relationship. Reading some of the other problems gets it into perspective and helps. Cheating sounds like its very common.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Well ,I believe your husband loves you.Ofcourse he cheated but that doesnt mean that he doesnt love you.I wish that you must both of you and your husband go to a proffessional marriage counselor who will handle the situation well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): I agree with Dr.John (mid-life) crisis! I went through the same as you I think with the guilt he has he needs to blame a little of it on you, this way he doesn't feel like the one who almost destroyed a good thing, he is being nicer to you Of course he almost lost you he is not stupid and thanks God you took him back give him time and he will come around, the images you see I know they are also with me it has been 11 mos since the affair,,,and I still invision them both it destroys me inside but my husband is there by side and also very nice of course...Hang in there..Sweetie
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I have not experienced this myself but I know of those who have.
One couple I am distantly related to. He had an illicit relationship which almost destroyed them as far as their relationship goes. She very nearly threw him out and divorced him.
However, she decided to forgive him and take him back and now their marriage is better than ever before.
Sometimes a guy is very sensitive to the aging process and can be very flattered by a young girl that may give him any kind of attention. This may make him feel like "I've still got what it takes!"
This of course is no excuse but it could explain why this has happened.
I think he will want to watch his step a little closer especially knowing how close he came to trashing his relationship with you. Best Wishes. Doc
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I haven't been through this myself and i feel for you.
I don't understand why your husband is making out this is your fault, he strayed NOT you and you need to get this through to him.He probably feels very guilty, and so he should. He has behaved despicably and he now should put you first, but one thing i will say is IF, you give him another chance and he does this again, show him the door. This kind of heartache is not worth it, and you and your children deserve better. Nevertheless, i hope you can work things out and it will take time for you to trust him again, probably a long time, but that cannot be helped, the images you are seeing are completely normal,in time i am sure this will lessen, at the moment the hurt is still raw. Give yourself time. Good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Hi,
Although I haven't gone through anything as terrible as you've described, i have been cheated on before, taken him back and gone on to have a happy relationship. However, I think you've got to concentrate on your personal happiness and your childrens before letting this man back into your life. If he loves you and is truly sorry, he will allow you to have the space. I think this is necessary for your mental help. Try to take each day at a time and think about yourself and your children's needs first.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I'll be blunt. Dump his cheating arse.
i wish my parents had split up ages ago. i understand the stress is alot to take. and i'm sorry to say this...
But your feelings are out weighed by your kids emotional state.
cheating with a teenager though? your trust will never be the same again.. how can it.
Save yourself and your children and i wish you well.
Stand your ground, be firm and you'll get through it.
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