A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have found it hard to make time for each other lately. He is so busy working and I am busy with kids and house. We always make decisions together but lately we can't agree on anything he just says what he thinks I want to hear. We recently decided to get a second dog for the kids now because it's such hard work we have looked into re homing it. We found a nice family but now we have been arguing about upsetting our kids or keeping it and letting someone down. I am really stressed and making myself ill trying to make everyday decisions and it's like he doesn't care anymore. We hardly talk these days as we are both so busy but I know all this will get better in time. Any advice would be helpful. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): Why is your husband just a "yes man"? Have you shot down his opinions and criticized his decisions in the past? Or do you tend to make everything into a crisis? Not all decisions require both people. It can be burdensome to be constantly asked to discuss every single little detail. I don't know if this describes your family but it is one reason why people refuse to take responsibility for decisions and instead bounce it back to you or just become "yes men ".
For rehoming the dog: it was a mistake to get the dog "for the kids". Dogs are not toys! They are high maintenance animals due to their high level of intelligence and sociability. They have the intelligence of a toddler. As such would you have a toddler for your kids? Of course not. It is always to be expected that the adults in the family are the ones who will be doing the work of caring for the dog.
Getting a dog is a major commitment. They are part of the family. You don't just get rid of a family member when it is an inconvenience. What message does that send to your kids about loyalty and commitment? If you truly don't have time why not pay for a pet sitter to help you out? Or take your dog to doggie daycare. But if you really feel you have to rehome the dog, I recommend you explain to your kids that you made a big mistake and that dogs are a major commitment and you just cannot do that now so it is ypur failure which is why the dog is gone. Make sure your kids do not get the message that dogs (or any pets for that matter) are disposable and van be acquired and got rid of on a whim.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): By "rehoming" your dog you give your children a bad example how you can rid of a someone who is too much bothersome and too much care. Don't be surprised when you get older though and need care from your kids. I am sure your kids love their pet, and to take him away from them is not a good idea. I can't imagine if we gave our 90 lb dog away when he was alive. He was our baby, and part of our family. And believe me he was sooo much work. Kids grow up and stop being babies, and can take care of themselves, but dogs never do that. With that said, I can very much relate to what you said. My husabnd is u fortunately the same way as yours. I learn over the years to make desicions by myself. Now when kids are grown, they come only to me if they need advice or help. I made desicions about everything: entertainment, food choices, travel, babysitters, classes for kids and so on. I adopted this role of general manager since I saw that my husband can't be bothered. But now when kids left, it gets to me. I don't have to make major desicions anymore, and my husabnd can just stay home the whole time and don't move if I don't offer anything. It gets really annoying. I don't think you can do anything here, if he is not proactive in making desicions , he never will.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 December 2013):
 I think that you have guilt over rehoming the dog and rightfully so.
Yes dogs are a lot of work... they need training (all must be involved)
they need to be exercised both physically and mentally daily and that usually requires an adult.
you wrongfully bought the dog "FOR THE KIDS" the problem is KIDS are not responsible enough to be dog owners... they can be reminded to "feed the dog" or do poop patrol
but they are rarely old enough to train the dog to behave or remember to do all the things needed. that falls on the adults... buying a dog "FOR THE KIDS" NEVER works.
So you are the one the dog care is being dumped on and you don't want it. Hubby does not care and does not get involved so he says "do what you think is best dear" and then you WANT to rehome the dog but YOU don't want to be the BAD guy "sorry kids mommy can't take all the work and daddy is not helping" so the dog goes and mommy is the bad guy...
I've seen it a million times.
how old are you kids? if they are double digits they can be of a lot of help.... if not... rehome the dog and say "later when you are older we can talk about getting a dog again but it's a lot of work and you have to commit to it for a long time"
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2013):
 Can you be more specific on 'everyday decisions'?
What decisions are you struggling with?
I think it's fairly common in most families that the man tends to sort out the work and finances and if she is a stay at home mum, the woman tends to take responsibility for the kids and the house. I know these 'tradition' roles will stick in the craw of most people but as a family you just have to muddle through and made decisions as you go.
If you are the kind of person who expects everything to be done equally decision wise, maybe your husband is feeling stressed and over worked himself and if pushing more onto you.
As for the dog situation, if the dog is too much work, then it's better it is rehomed. Of course the kids will be upset, but life is full of dissapointments and they will have to cope with much worse as they get older...they will get over the dog.
The only way to stop the resentment growing is to identify exactly whats bugging you and take some time to speak honestly with your husband and try to find a compromise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): You're best bet would be to get hold of a book called 'Six Thinking Hats' by Edward De Bono from the library. It focuses on group thinking and how to reach a decision based on all facets of a topic - emotional, informational etc.
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