A
female
age
36-40,
*e130172
writes:My husband and I are working through some trust issues. With that said, we basically are trying to rebuild the foundation that our relationship is made on, because we both love each other very much and are not willing to walk away from something truly amazing that we once had and could possibly get back. The thing is, I am now clueless, I know that after being lied to that we cannot get back to the past, but instead must build a stronger future. I explained to him that we cannot do things the way we have in the past, and that we both must make changes to make us work. My problem now is that we have opposite work schedules, he works overnights and on weekends, and I work typical weekdays and daytime hours. How can we balance our difficult schedules and try to rebuild our relationship at the same time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ne130172 +, writes (7 August 2013):
ne130172 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice! It's so nice to hear people say that relationships take work, instead of those who say there's no hope...which sadly I have heard people say. As an update, we created a "date jar" where each of us put in fifteen date idea slips (10 free, 5 costing some money) and once a week we are going to plan a date night where we draw a slip at random. He was pretty excited planning his fifteen dates! We also started an "I love you because..." mirror message board in the bathroom so that when each of us wakes up for work we have a new message from the other telling the other a reason for why they love them. It absolutely makes my day, although my other half has been slacking when he wakes up late. He may need a little nudge to get back in the habit!
Any other ideas are appreciated. We are working through our problems to create a more mature responsible relationship. Good luck to you all as well.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 July 2013):
I don't see how you can! A relationship requires the two people to be together. You guys might as well have a LDR. Except at least in an LDR you can communicate.
I think he needs to look for a job with more regular hours. If that's not possible, you may be able to make time for couple's therapy, which could help.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 July 2013):
 If you cant see each other text or say in person your schedules for the day. Then offer to touch base in between an activity. I do this all the time with my lady. Works great.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (29 July 2013):
 Change jobs? If you value your marriage enough, you'll have to prioritise it above your careers.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (29 July 2013):
 if you have any over lapping time off together before you both work, and off work, you could and should put that time into each other. look for any spare time to invest in each other, without that things that matter will suffer. i work shift work, my wife works days."sounds similar to you two." we spend our time with each other all we can when we have any time with each other, things around the house gets done while the other works, for both of us. if either one of you take time off from work make sure you spend it with and for each other " going out enjoying each other", building the relationship, not doing your own thing, or house projects.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): Where there is a will, there is a way.Just like couples who work far away (overseas) and still connect, communicate, etc. - you will need to do the same.If both are willing to forgive whatever happened in the past, to work on the future, to keep what you had and improve on it, then both must put in effort. Notes, messages, emails, little gestures to show you care, you love each other, and schedule time in your conflicting schedules, at least once a week, for a good open honest conversation which may be better than some people who see each other every day, but don't communicate at all - talk but mean nothing if you get the idea.
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