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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I like this guy but he lives far away. He said that he would date me if he lived closer to me. I asked him if he would visit me and he said yes. He asked me the same and I said yes. We seem to both like music and we had a good conversation. He has been consistent with his email messages to me and he called me a few times to chat. I know your suppose to let the guy chase after you, but I am not good at dating. Something always goes wrong. I try not to be a negative person but it's almost like I expect it to happen. This guy told me that I have a nice voice and wanted me to sing on the phone and I just froze. He said that we should sing together. He also told me that I am hot. He has already given me his email, and sent a picture of himself to me. I don't want to blow it and I don't have any expectations but he is nice to talk to. We have been texting each other quite a bit. I don't want to bother him too much and seem needy. Guys like the thrill of the chase. I'm afraid if I stop texting him he will think I lost interest in him. What should I do?
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female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (29 July 2013):
 You actually need to meet. There is no point in constantly emailing and texting. One meeting with a person will tell you all the things you want to know. If you've not met after three or four texts then you're quite possibly wasting your time. I've done all the online dating thing and those that emailed forever clearly had no intention of meeting me despite what they said. Quite likely they were married or already had a partner I suspect. I eventually set myself a limit of three emails then goodbye. I finally met somebody, we emailed twice, met, and have now been together four years.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): Don't attach your heart to someone who lives too far away so quickly. Slow down and enjoy what you have for the moment.
Often; women tend to fasten their hearts to the first guy online, who comes along and offers them attention. You are correct to avoid being needy. Reign in your loneliness and not let it influence your better judgement. I don't doubt that he is charming. It is easier to be, when you're on the internet and not meeting in-person.
Men and women alike get caught-up in romanticizing, fantasy, and drama. Our age makes us feel we have limited time when, it comes to approaching relationships. We tend to lower our standards and get too eager. Better let him know how much I like him now, or he'll lose interest.
Oh that is soooooo not true. It only takes a fraction of a second to make a bad decision.
Sometimes smart and mature women tend to let a poor perception of their age-group override their common-sense; when it comes to men. Making snap-decisions; or racing into romantic situations for fear they'd getaway. He's already far away, so there's no rush. You can't blow anything.
You hardly know the man; so developing feelings for a stranger is not only needy, but foolish.
You don't have to make a relationship out of this. Good friendships and collaborations can come of such a connection as well. Take baby steps for now.
Does every-time someone seems fond of us, have to lead to a romantic relationship? Can we not just make friends, and let things develop over time? Allowing the relationship to define itself. Can't we get to know the person first, to decide if our romantic feelings are even justified?
You don't really have enough evidence to know if you really like him as much as you think you do. You've exchanged a few interesting e-mails. Keep your feelings in check and don't be so concerned about blowing anything.
We always put the cart before the horse. Keep your options open and continue meeting and dating other men. Do not consider your involvement to be more than casual at this point.
Just remember you like things "about him," not him.
You haven't met him yet.
Be mindful of the distance, and instability of long-distance relationships. They are frustrating and complicated. They lack real intimacy, and get very expensive and stressful.
Just consider him a wonderful pen-pal and continue to enjoy your single life as it is. When things start to become a reality; and you actually meet and spend time together, then you'll have reasons to be concerned about blowing it.
Hope I make sense.
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