A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thanks My gf and I have been together over a year. She is very moody which is getting to me. She will be sweet and loving, then aloof and rude. She does suffer from mental illness and chooses not to be treated. I try ot encourage her to speak with her doctor and rethink it. She also barely sleeps at night and gets upset because I do and can't be texting all night cause I have to work and she is on disability. I'm trying my best but I have to say if she doesn't get treatment then I have to move on. Any word of advice please?
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2021): You have done what you can. I'm not sure why some of these people giving advice are being negative to you. Seems like they have their own issues. All you can do is suggest she gets help you can't make her and if she doesnt and she is getting worse you'll have to tell her straight that its affecting you and if she doesn't then you have your answer. If possible of you know her family maybe mention this to them that your concerned. Might be easier if others know the situation.
Good luck . You seem like a good person
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2021): Thanks for your comments
There was one comment that was off the charts incorrect, and very judgmental.
My gf was diagnosed by a medical professional to have several mental issues. She chooses to not seek treatment and it has escalated since we got together. I ask her to please reconsider this and get treatment because it is becoming worse.
Also in response to someones uninformed notion, I came on here for advice not to for assumptions on because I mentioned she has mental issues therefore it means I have them.
Thanks for your comments and advice I appreciate it .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2021): She has no reason to seek treatment. She has you there for her. The rest is all talk - at least for now. Getting sulky and changing from being nice to nasty sometimes is not a mental illness anyway, it is her personality, no amount of treatment would change it. I've often found that people who speak of being with a person with a "mental illness" are often mentally ill themselves. Either not diagnosed or ignoring a diagnosis. Most who are not mentally ill would not choose to get together with someone with such a big problem, they would insist their partner is as mentally healthy as them right from the start, not a year down the line.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2021): You can only advise and support her. You cannot force her against her will. Maybe she doesnt realise how much it is affecting you. I suggest you talk with her calmly at a suitable time and place and explain the impact its having on you and your relationship and probably her as well and that there is treatment she can get that will make her feel better and your relationship stronger. Ask her if you can do anything to support her in getting that treatment. Then if after a few weeks she does nothing with that informarion you just have to grin and bear it, or leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2021): Hi OP.I understand your concerns OP. But relationship issues are never ONE SIDED. Can I ask what part you have played in your relationship issues? Are you perfect and a stellar boyfriend to her? Or do you have issues of your own, which you have also brought into this relationship, which you have not mentioned, and which may have compounded her mental health issues and made them worse? Do you perhaps ALSO need therapy to become a better man in this relationship? Instead of pointing fingers at someone else, for a condition they did not ask for, why don't you look in the mirror? How can YOU IMPROVE to help this relationship survive and more importantly FLOURISH? Remember, a mental health condition does not DEFINE a person. We ALL have ISSUES. It is a hardship they must deal with. It does not make them a bad person or a nuisance or not worthy of love, or being discarded because things are a little harder. LOVE ENDURES ALL OP. I am not sure you LOVE this woman or you would not be here complaining and looking for reasons to bail on her.It is easy to lay all blame on someone because they have a "mental health" issue but someone dealing with these issues is having a tough time, even without your support and selfish thinking. Maybe being MORE SUPPORTIVE and UNDERSTANDING would be a start. And encourage her to see a therapist. Talk to her family. Have them do the same. She might need an intervention or a little push. It is not easy for people who are suffering from anxiety or depression to want to get help. Sometimes they feel numb, helpless or like there is no hope. It is up to you to step up FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND and stop thinking of yourself and how her condition affects you. Barely sleeping at night is vicious. It takes a hard toll on people. Try to be empathetic of her. How would you like to be awake all night and never get a proper sleep? Then have to go to work? That can wear anyone down. You would not know the impact that has on your body and mind. You never go through it, like your girlfriend does. Nobody can be at their BEST when plagued with incessant sleeplessness day in and day out. Encourage her to see a doctor. Even to get help sleeping. Melatonin is a good sleep aid, as it is natural. 2 a night will help her fall asleep. Suggest that to her for starters. She may need some type of medication to help her live a balanced life. But if she does not see a doctor, she cannot be treated so that she has a better quality of life. She must do it for herself, first and foremost. Her better frame of mind will have a positive impact on your relationship as a result.It seems to me you just want to bail on her and find any excuse. If so, then sorry to say you are not man enough to handle being an adult in a relationship. You seem like a greedy little boy who wants a made to order girlfriend to be exactly as you want her to be. With no issues. In that case, go order yourself one of those living blow up dolls from Japan online. People are not puppets and they are not perfect. Human beings can be messy. Yourself included! I can see you are not perfect yourself with that attitude.I may sound harsh here by you need a heavy dose of reality. You really don't seem mature enough to handle an adult relationship. It seems you are thinking about yourself only. And you know what OP? You ditch her for the next one, and I guarantee you the next one will have her own set of issues and problems and she won't be perfect either. Her problems and shortcomings may even be worse, but that is a chance you take. Remember, you can't just replace people when things get hard. The issue is with YOURSELF. Look at yourself and your own shortcomings and ask yourself WHY you need to keep chasing after greener grass when the going gets tough? The going will always get tough in ANY relationship. Instead of complaining and trying to run to another lawn, water your own grass, mow your own lawn, FIX what you ALREADY HAVE! And you might see that it was worth it. Coming out on the other side to the most beautiful lawn on earth!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2021): You'll be a good soldier and you'll probably endure it. Until her mental-health declines; or her behavior becomes so intolerable, you'll decide you have to breakup with her. You obviously love her; but guilt forces you to do the noble thing. Suffer!
She refuses to seek help, and she knows you're not going anywhere. She has no fear of any consequences for her behavior; and she's stubborn on top of that.
You'll just have to deal with it; until you've had enough, and you can't take it anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 March 2021):
 You can't change her, you can't change her mental health or how she feels or thinks.
You suggested she seek help, he refused. So that is where you are at.
You have dated her for a year so you have a fairly good idea of how she is and who she is. You know by now if this is a person you can see yourself with long term AS SHE IS, or not.
If she is not the partner you want long-term, end it and wish her well.
You can't date someone for their potential. You are.
You think if she ONLY gets the help she can be a great partner and person all the time. That isn't realistic. Even if she does get mental health help she will still be who she is. Also, she might not WANT to change.
You can't fix her or have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't want to get help.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (29 March 2021):
 You have advised her to seek help, and she is choosing not to.
You can offer support, you can offer advice, but at the end of the day the only person that help her get over that first step is her.
Now her unwillingness to seek help is now affecting your relationship.
Its rather unfair that she is upset that you try to sleep, then is texting all night. Sooner or later you are going to start running into problems at work due to tiredness, and this will be where will have to draw the line.
Mention again that she needs to seek help, if she does nothing after this attempt, then as you say at the end of your post, maybe it will be time to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (29 March 2021):
 Unfortunately, you can't help her. You can advise her that she should see her GP but that is far as you can go with her.
Her mental health is now affecting you and that is not good. You need to end this relationship for your own health and let her get on with dealing with her issues.
...............................
|
