A
male
age
41-50,
*aidr H8tr
writes:Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for two years but we have known each other for about 9 years and she is absolutely my soul mate, best friend and the one I want to grow old with. We have bickered about this or that and had some arguments like most relationships so I would say we had a pretty good relationship. That is until just recently when she found porn on my computer, and she is really against it and freaked out because unfortunatly I lied about it, and it was the second time I had. The first time was in the beginning of our relationship and I guess I didnt take her request for me not to watch it seriously, because she was showing me a bunch of pictures and videos of porn on her phone. that she did get rid of. I know I will get attacked for what I am about to say (and deservingly so) But she forgave me and understood why i didn't really take her serious, but then did lay it all out on the line that porn was and is a deal breaker for her. And I am soooo stupid when I was starting to get her trust back I got caught with it again. The only excuse I have is that in our relationship, we had been living together until the past 4 months because she is back in her son's life and I am totally for that, so she goes and stays with him and her family on Mon-Thurs and then with me Thurs-Sun. I honestly had quit watching it period until we started staying apart and then started watching it moderately, (like 1 or 2 times and sometimes it wasnt at all why she was gone)I have even asked her as a gift I wanted for my bday, or xmas, if we could make a video of the two of us doing our thing. (because that WOULD be the porn I watched why she was away,people honestly) but she said she would have to think about it but has kind of pushed it to the side, although I have continued to bring it back up and she hasn't came out and just said no. So I know what I said has no real valid point, (especially since I was not honest with her about watching porn again) other than I would way rather watch her and us over any porn out there, does that make what I did right?, no, am I human yes. I know most or the replies from everyone is going to be of course, "you were told more than once and did it anyway" and I do know this but I also know I am a pretty good guy and I treat her good telling her how beautiful she is, how much I love her and she is the only one for me. I have betrayed her trust, was warned and then did it again and she has left me The thought and reality of not having her in my life is just unbearable I know I can be honest with her about everything because the porn is the only thing I had not been honest about. I should of did it in the first place, but I know there is no comparison and I could and can rid myself of porn. She is my love, my best friend and my world, I know it's a long shot but I am willing to try anything and appreciate any helpful advice because my world is falling apart without her. Thank you
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best friend, period, porn, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Raidr H8tr +, writes (9 August 2013):
Raidr H8tr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all I want to thank all of you for time and consideration into this matter. I know it is hard for anyone to believe me since i did lie about it. But i could honestly rid myself of porn. And i really did until she started staying away from me, I know that is no excuse and that i did lie, so I have to live with that, I was just hoping for any life line out there. So once again thank you again for you replies and time, and if their are any guys out there who read this and you know 100% that you are in love, don't do it (lie about anything) it's not worth it. I miss her like a flower would the sun!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): You sound like my boyfriend, except he has lied more like 10 or more times, so you know yourself that your not going to stop. Why is it you men are never satisfied with what you have got, why have you got to take it to another level ! Im with your gf on this one, cos porn and lies ruined my forst xmas with my bf and after all this time and all the other things he has put me thro im considering leaving him. Feel free to read my post I called my bf out over his lies.... Rant over
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): I disagree, porn is like cheating in my opinion. I also don't agree with the it's your body you can do what you want comment. Coming fom someone who has dated porn addicts your porn viewing is tame. Your girlfriend is 1 of the lucky ones.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 August 2013):
 Honestly, you're beating yourself up way too much. I've never been one to understand at all why women get so damn bent out of shape over porn. What you do with your own wang behind closed doors is NO BODY else's business but yours. It's your body and you have every right to make it feel good any and every which way you like. I think the reason women don't like porn is because of an insecurity within themselves. They think their men are fantacizing over other women or want their girlfriends to look like that. They see it as a form of cheating. Which is crazy because it's only a method of getting off. They don't want to replace you and wouldn't rather whack off to a computer screen. It's just a stimulant. Something to stare at to help get the job done.
With that being said, I think she's out of line asking you not to do something you want to do. However, it does get sticky here because you did tell her you wouldn't do it anymore. Therefore, you did break a promise.
If you love this girl like you say, you'll find a way to get her back. You can't lose if you don't quit trying. But definitely be prepared to give up the porn for good this time. If that's what bit takes to get her back.
Anyway, quit beating yourself up. You're human. If she doesn't forgive you over this, then she just wasn't the right one for you.
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