A
male
age
36-40,
*aptain Ziggy
writes: This is just as much a general question as it is specific to me. So here are my thoughts. I've been seeing this girl for a couple months now. It's not long enough to be something too serious, yet it's moving fast. It's safe to say we're exclusive, theres sex, and cuddles, and we each spend a night or two at the other persons place. Theres no "I love you" being thrown around, but we're definitely into each other. So the other night shes out clubbing and bar hopping with a couple friends, and one exceptionally slutty friend who LOVES to drink. Let me say that I'm not much of a drinker, and neither is she... supposedly. And also before I go on that the slutty friend knows that me and this girl are in a fairly involved relationship, So she gets piss face loaded until the sun comes up, I mean like, absolutely shitfaced, she estimated 20 drinks. At some point her slutty friend has the idea that they should go flirt with these 2 guys are get their numbers. So they go off and do that, and one of the dudes asks them to make out. She starts making out then with the slutty friend! Then slutty friend then proceeds to give one dude my girlfriends number, and gives her own number to the other guy... This dude has been texting my girlfriend non stop for 2 days now. So im wondering several things: Its not really the flirting with the dude that I mind, some people are just flirty, I get that. But its the idea that she was willing to go so far as to make out with her slutty friend to flirt with this guy that bothers me. It's a testament to the type of girl she really is, and its completely immature. Any thoughts here from anyone? How do you all feel about the slutty friend? How do you all deal with the significant others tremendously slutty friend? How do you all feel about the obvious amount of weight that this girl has in my girlfriends life to make her act so out of character? Do you have recommendations here? And finally. Would you consider your boyfriend or girlfriend making out with someone of the same sex as much of a deal breaker as them making out with someone of the opposite sex? Theres a double standard here because two girls making out is just too sexy to complain about. And I'm one of those people who does find it sexy, I consider it less of a deal breaker than her making out with some dude. Yet that brings me into agreement with the double standard, aaannnddd I'm having trouble with that, I'm one for equality... Thoughts?
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 did your girlfriend tell you what happened that night? it sounds as if you were there with her.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 February 2011):
 You're welcome, it's good to have DC so you can get a second perspective on it.
Sometimes, we just don't know who we're dating.
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A
male
reader, Captain Ziggy +, writes (22 February 2011):
Captain Ziggy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks though for all of your opinions, definitely helped me sort shit out.
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A
male
reader, Captain Ziggy +, writes (22 February 2011):
Captain Ziggy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to clarify, I wasn't there when any of this happened. I was home, she went out with her friends.
You're all correct though, I am splitting hairs here. Also, I agree with tennisstar, I would consider kissing someone else as cheating... for some reason I'm trying to come up with excuses and give her the benefit of the doubt. And there really is no way I can broach this without sounding controlling, which is another reason why I'm here asking around about it instead of just discussing it with her. I also don't know if she has told the dude texting her to stop her not, I haven't asked!
And my thoughts. I'm pretty rotted about it actually. I feel totally deceived about the whole situation. It's impossible to find honesty! Having heard everyones thoughts just validated my own. So I would have to say that I am no longer interested in seeing this person.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I realize you have only been dating for 2 months, but it sounds like you two are exclusive… since you refer to her as your girlfriend. Given what you’ve told us, I think you should be concerned… very concerned! There are major red flags regarding your girlfriend’s character. If she acts this way when you are with her… I can’t imagine how she acts when you aren’t around!
First, why would your girlfriend let her slutty friend give another guy her phone number? Either your girlfriend wanted to give her number to this guy, or she looks up to her slutty friend and will do anything to get her approval. Personally, I’m not sure which option is worse. What did you say to your girlfriend when she let her number be given out? And why hasn’t she told this guy to stop texting her?
Your girlfriend and her slutty friend were trying to get attention from others by kissing in public. I have no doubt these two guys think your girlfriend and her friend are both easy sluts who will do anything a stranger asks. Sure, you probably enjoyed watching them kiss, but let’s be honest, they were trying to impress these guys… not you.
I would caution you about getting emotionally attached to your girlfriend. Unless, she makes a clean cut from her slutty friend, this behavior is likely to continue.
What are your thoughts? Are you interested in continuing your relationship with this girl?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 February 2011):
All the blame can't be place on her slutty friend. Your girlfriend obviously needs to have some self discipline when it comes to alcohol consumption. No one forced the alcohol down her throat, she did it at her own will. She didn't have to get annihilated, she could have limited herself to maybe a few. If she's around your age, she should be past the peer pressure to drink as well. Although I do agree that her slutty friend isn't a great influence on her. However, there's nothing you can do about their friendship. Trying to say something will just cause arguments and make you look like the controlling bad guy.
How good of friends are they? How often do they hang out?
Why hasn't your girlfriend asked the dude to stop texting her?
If you're into the girl on girl action then there's nothing you can say regarding the kiss. Others would say it's cheating because her lips were on someone else's rather than her boyfriend's. I happen to agree.
Really 2 months in you don't know your girlfriend, you're still figuring it out. In a sense there's really not a whole lot you can say without coming across as controlling. If this out of control drinking continues with her slutty friend then I would take a second look at who you're really dating. You could go out with her, but why should you have to keep a watchful eye on your girlfriend?
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A
male
reader, Captain Ziggy +, writes (22 February 2011):
Captain Ziggy is verified as being by the original poster of the question But normally she doesn't drink, at all. This is maybe the 4th time shes had a drink since we started going out, but at no time was she totally fucked except for this one, usually a bottle of wine at most. She actually seemed like a very decent person up until this, and I'm usually pretty skeptical.
And I didn't encourage anything. She did this all without any encouragement from me. However I haven't mentioned it to her because I'm wondering if it's really worth pursuing. Like I said, I've only known her a couple of months, but this seems totally out of character.
I guess I'm wondering who she is. The nice, easy going, laid back, studious person? Or the crazy club girl that craves attention and just wants to be drunk? Are her actions a reflection of who she is? Or can it be chalked up to one drunken evening with her slutty friend?.. But then, I suppose, the question is "How many overly drunken evenings will there be? and how much more drunk will she get?"...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Forgot to add, she has her own fantasies which obv didnt coincide with yours. So she's not too worried about your double standard. She's busy getting her own jollies. If it's a male pair of lips or a female pair of lips, it's still someone else's lips, well, now you're splitting hairs, aren't you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Your girlfriend has a drinking problem, and isn't as "into" you as you might like. Proceed with caution. And you're confusing yourself by thinking that encouraging promiscuous behavior like kissing another girl is a good thing. All it does is convey the message that you're okay with blurring boundaries. Which she went ahead and did. So be careful what you wish for, as you now have found out.
Drinking problem, no commitment, you encouraging this kind of thing, dude, what did you expect would happen?
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