A
male
age
30-35,
*eaver11
writes:hiive been with my gf for about 10 months...we both liked eachother in highschool and once we graduated. after highschool we got together and within two weeks i asked her out...i fell in love.. the first night we talked was for 6 hours straight...so we both fell deep.as a couple months went by...she showed signs of jealousy and afraid of wat i would do..if she wasnt around..i would do anything for her move mountains, break walls for her...i mean anything...i love her so much...and i have 100% trust in her...if she goes out i give her space and time and no doubts because she does alot for me and really shows me tht she loves me...she was molested when she was 6-12 by a relative of hers..........now its come to the point where her trust issues are terrin me down...i keep telling her i love her and i wouldnt do anything to hurt her. She has no girlfriends because she always prejudges and is very insecure about herself....i keep telling her to talk to someone....she tells me im the only one who understands......im tired of it but i love her to death and im not going to leave her bc of wat she went through bc it wasnt her fault....so my question is ......How do i help her?....
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male
reader, beaver11 +, writes (5 June 2008):
beaver11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for your help.......really appreciate the answers...
god bless all of you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): First and foremost...she says you are the only one that understands..this is the only and best start! isn't it nice to know that your girlfriend is comfortable talking to you about what probably is the one most sensitive and damaging to her memory???...the deeper the relationship goes maybe the harder and more complicated it may get too....but do not panic..it's okay.....this is something that takes a lot of time, patience and I would imagine not physical(I'm assuming she isn't ready for anything too intimate yet, because of what she has been through, I may be wrong)..either way... It is very important , you let her know that you are here for her at anytime any place, and that will be proven through your actions and patience!..She has already made the first step by letting you know that she only feels comfortable with you...the next move is yours... talk to her and be patient with her...listen and give her your opinions.... this is a process but from what I read in your column, she is an incredibly special girl and you and her could have a rare special relationship....I can understand it may be tiring..but could you imagine how tired and how hurt and damaged and confused she is from all of this? I'm surprised she feels comfortable to talk about it with you... I'm not doubting you love her...but its times like these that mean the most and prove a lot of things and definitely give you a stronger bond..if she tells you, that your the only one who understands, she's basically telling you, you're the only one who could help her at this stage....maybe one day you'll help her enough by giving her the courage of going and talking to somebody professional about it...but before all of this, make sure you do your bit :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi,
You sound like a wonderful guy, and I think you're doing her a lot of good just by being a good listener.
I think you won't be able to heal the wounds caused by the molestation she experienced, that should be something that would be best handled by professional help.
Have a look at this website, and encourage her to report what happened to her, if she can. But don't push her into it if she is not able to do it at this time.
http://www.rainn.org/
I would talk with your own parents about this to get some help too, if you value and trust their opinion. The thing is that you might need a bit of help with this too.
So start with the website and please encourage her to seek some counseling to help her deal with the aftermath this has caused.
All the best.
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