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male
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*antino
writes: My girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend of 3 yrs 2 months ago and is with me. We've known each other for about a year and i liked her straight way and she liked me but she was with the other guy. The relationship she was in wasnt good so she kinda had to get out of it. When she broke up with him she didnt hear anything from him until now. She thought he was just getting on with things and didnt care but at the weekend he called and was upset and said he needed her to take him back. They spoke on the phone for a while and eventually came to the conclusion that she wasnt gona get back with him and that he should try move on. And that was that.....or so we thought coz the next day he called again and asked her to take him bcak again. She told him no again and that she thought it was best if he didnt call again. Shes really upset now and is blaming herself for hurting him. Shes also lashing out at me. I know i should make allowances but at the same time i cant be her punching bag. How much should i take from her b4 it gets unreasonable? She says that i was responsible aswell for breaking up their relationship so i should be hurt aswell. How should i handle this one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): At the end of the day it was her decision. Just because he bounces back into her life doesn't mean that you have to take the brunt of her angst. I would tell her to stop this nonsense and if she really cares about you she won't be getting in touch with this ex again. If he rings she has to stop being a shoulder for him to cry on. Tell her exactly how you feel and let her know this is not acceptable. You have nothing to be blamed for.
Take care
xx
A
male
reader, Bourne +, writes (19 December 2006):
 When shes ready to start respecting you then your ready to continue the relationship. Tell her one time that you love her and your sorry she's hurt but you didn't MAKE her break up with her ex, that was her choice.
Her ex is manipulating her and probably using her to get revenge on you. You might also want to talk to him and tell him not to be calling her anymore.
Be there for her to help work out the hurt shes dealing with, but she is not allowed to take it out on you anymore. Listen to her, empathize with her, but she's not allowed to blame you for a decision that she made.
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