A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a casual acquaintance that I sleep with. We have been together a couple of years. She sleeps with other people, too, and I am fine with that.The problem I am having is that more and more often she keeps suggesting that we involve these "others" (other men) in our sex life. Whether it is just watching (me or them) or more than that, she brings it up often. She said that she has had threesome twice in the past and she liked it.I have to admit that sometimes I seriously consider her proposals, but for the most part I am just not into that. She says that's totally fine that I am not into it and she lets it go, but then she will bring it up again some time later. To be honest, if it was just about her pleasure I might do it. However, I get this feeling that somehow it is these other guys who are pushing for this. I think this because of how quickly she is willing to accept "No" as an answer, like they are putting her up to it. Many of them have known her longer than I have. How can I tell her basically what I said above, which is that I would be glad to be part of anything that gets her off, but it weirds me out if the other guy is getting off on having me participate? Of course she will say that it's for her benefit, but I don't know nor trust these other men. I am 100% fine if it is just me and her, but adding another... not so comfortable.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 If your relationship agreement/contract allows you to have sex with other people, then tell her not to mention it again because your not interest and it offends you. She is then allowed to go and find two other men to have sex with, and your relationship will remain the same without this added worry.
If she and you are exclusive, then you must tell her no and tell her if she suggest it again you will feel bullied and find someone else to sleep with.
Turn it around, would it be acceptable for you to keep bullying her for a threesome. No, then it's not acceptable for her to do it either. Make it clear, no threesomes with men ever and she must not ask again. She has asked, you said no, that should be the end of the story.
Don't even give her a hint of agreement or else you sound wishy-washy and it sounds like she can change your mind. NO should always mean NO!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2012):
 JUST SAY NO....
if she keeps bringing it up she senses your ambivalence in the matter.
Tell her "this is the last time you can ask. IF I change my mind I WILL TELL YOU.. other than that please do NOT ask me again it makes me unhappy"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): I would distance yourself from her and all her ideas,she's probably reporting back to one of her other men on your reaction,telling them you may agree eventually.
Do you really need to see her at all?
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Hon, just tell her that adding others to the mix just does not do it for you.
I do hope that you are being careful and using a condom and going for regular STD checkups...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 March 2012):
 Just keep telling her no, she will find some other dude who will do it with her.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Whats the big deal anyway? Just tell her you are not into the idea but if she likes it, she can go ahead without you. In any case she sleeps with other guys. Just make sure you dont expose yourself to sexually transmitted diseases with so many people in the picture
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Yeah man just straight up tell her youre not interested and dont want it to be brought up again. Dont be soft on the brod. Firmly tell her, not angrily, but firmly tell her youre not into it and want the subject dropped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): "I am just not into that. I am 100% fine if it is just me and you, but adding another... is just not going to happen. If these guys are so eager to have threesomes why don't you get two of the guys who want that to get together?"
That's it OP. Stop trying to complicate things by putting conditions where you "might" do it. You're not going to, so just tell her that. No big deal.
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