A
female
age
36-40,
*il-kitten-02
writes:Hello People! I have a question that needs a third party response. I have a friend that I have known since pre-school to break a friendship over something so childish. Story: I just had a baby 4 months ago and was asked by my old coworkers to go out. I didn't want to go since I had no sitter and her daddy had to work. My so-called friend volunteered after the fact that her and her boyfriend broken up (or so I thought they did). I still said no, and eventually said yes after she insisted. I thought we finalized plans and waited for her to come over to babysit. She said I did not and began to give me attitude. I apologize and let it go--I didn't want to lose years of friendship over nothing. Well, she kept bring the subject of babysitting and saying nasty things toward me saying I "don't have to sleep with her for her to care" and I "need to humble" myself. I did not want to fight, but I let the friendship go! Others are saying she was guilty and jealous of my healthy relationship... Please help! Question: Is she jealous of my life?
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female
reader, lil-kitten-02 +, writes (5 March 2012):
lil-kitten-02 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I truly thank you both for your answers! I decided to let go of the friendship because I finally got blessings in my life and prayed hard for them! It was hard to let go but I was ot going to stand there and let anyone down me--20+ years or not. I felt she was gulity on the part of not babysitting and wanted to take it out on me. I took blame because plans were not clear. If she has GOD in her life, she will be okay. I'll pray for her!
A
female
reader, lil-kitten-02 +, writes (2 March 2012):
lil-kitten-02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Cerberus: Thank you for making me see things in a different light. I truly felt she was doing a bit of transference because she and her boyfriend are constantly on the rocks. I know him personally also, and know that he is trouble to her "health"-wise; and we have been talking about that (mostly her)! I pray that it will all pass! Thank you!
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A
female
reader, Babs1 +, writes (2 March 2012):
Possibly. Can't really say based on this one incident and with out having some background on her life or your relationship with her. Sounds like there must be some more history. If it was serious enough for you to feel the need to let it go, then go with you instinct. To analyze further: Is this something you can possibly have an honest conversation with her about and smooth over the relationship, or is this a personality trait of hers (jealousy, anger, irrational actions)? Do the good things in the relationship out weigh the bad, if not the best answer is obvious. If so then wait it out.. if she is jealous it's probably because she is unhappy so try to be understanding. Maybe when things have cooled down or you have an opportunity to talk civilly, tell her how you feel about what happened honestly without attacking. If she can't receive you or your feelings it may be best not to be friends with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): "Is she jealous of my life?"
Maybe, maybe not. There could be a hell of a lot of reasons for her acting that way. Being jealous of your life is probably low on that list of things to be honest, surely in the time you've been friends your life has been great when hers hasn't been, what is it like 20+ years of friendship? It's probably more to do with her emotional state, long term friends don't suddenly turn bitter and angry for a reason such as jealousy of your life and even if that is part of it that's never the whole picture and it's not even the most important of the reasons.
She may well just have things in her life going on now that are exceptionally bad, she's probably in a place in her head that's very unhealthy and she hasn't told you about it. There have been a spate of suicides and self harming amongst my friends and their families lately that has shown me you really have no idea what's going on in someone's head as none of us had any idea things were that bad for the people involved. There are so many different things that can effect us as people OP, there are so many things we simply just do not know is going on in even our closest of friend's lives. I think if she's been a valued, trusted, loyal and good friend to you, you will try not to put it down to something as petty and simplistic as simple jealousy. In my experience, it's never that simple, especially when a really good friend suddenly turns sour. I find that people who are't usually petty and childish only ever become petty and childish when they've lost control of their emotional state, when their lives and mind are getting away from them and they take it out on the wrong people.
If she has been good friend to you, if she is a person you think you want and need in your life then do try and work this out with her. Don't let other people fill your head with ideas as to why she is acting this way only she can tell you. A good few years back I suffered a bout of depression and felt the need to isolate myself completely for a few months instead of lashing out at others. My friends were very upset and most initially felt they did something wrong or that I was punishing them for some reason. Some couldn't handle being treated that way and didn't really want anything to do with me any more, they came up with all sorts of theories as to why I was acting that way and they believed it was a negative reflection on them and me and our friendships never recovered, they felt I was being petty and I see no point in having friends in my life that aren't willing accept I can have some pretty bad times and will make mistakes. Others then waited for me to explain why I did what I did, why I acted that way and what it meant to our friendships and just told me they're glad I'm back and continued on.
You have to decide what kind of friend you want to be OP. Is this friendship worth fighting for? If she's being childish and it's out of character for her then surely you can look past it, try and reconcile and see if there are things you can do to help her out of whatever mental state has led her to act this way. Try not to assume the worst.
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