A
female
age
51-59,
*ove sucks!
writes:so there's this guy i truly care for,but i dont think he feels the same way he's going through a hard time and a separation right now and he has 3 kids.we fooled around and he wanted to have sex but i said no to him evr since that he has had very little contact with me and it really pissed me off so i wrote him saying that im giving up and not trying with him anymore the problem is weve been friends for so long and i do have feelings for him,am i wise in not talking to him right now? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Good on you. Life's too short to be dealing with this type of crap.
A
female
reader, love sucks! +, writes (22 February 2008):
love sucks! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u everyone for ur help in this matter.the truth is it sucks.losing someone like that who meant alot to u but its better to end that kind of realationship,instead of getting hurt,im not about to be anyones friend with benefits or booty call,anytime i respect myself to much for that!!!and hes still living with his wife whom hes separated from and has kids with,of course he stays in a separate room.the thing is i feel he just wanted to use me for sex,cause i think hes staying there to try annd get back with her even though when he wanted to get laid and i said no(thank god)!that he wasnt gettin back with her.but hes not playin me anymore i deleted him off my msn and im not havin any conatct with him tats not a mess i wanna get involved in so.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Best advice is give him space and avoid the hassle - he's got a lot going on and do you really need to get involved any more? If he wants to cast his net a bit wider then let him.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 February 2008):
 In the old days, we used to call this "on the rebound."
Man or woman, when coming off a split, are both easy and usually just looking for a quick affair to ease their pain or whatever. Such situations may or may NOT go much further than being a so-called "f*ck buddy" and are rarely very productive beyond that stage.
On the other hand, someone who is suffering through a breakup often really needs something like that, and that's when they hit the bars, Web sites, acquaintances and anybody else they can think of for some comfort. I've been there many times and damn sure will always love and appreciate the gals who gave me the comfort and, if I knew where they were today, would do most anything for them. Sometimes it works out just fine and long friendships ensue, maybe more.
In my long years, I have been both the needy and the giver in such situations, and I can't say that any of it was all that bad - as long as one knows what's happening and why.
That's life, I guess. Sometimes, we all have our downs and need someone to help give us a lift. The question is: Do you want to play that role in this case?
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 He's either intentionally or unintentionally putting negative emotional pressure on you to have sex. That's just not ok, you don't emotionally blackmail or guilt trip people into sex... that would be the perfect recipe for a disfunctional and in the long run emotionally abusive relationship.
So you did the right thing.
On the flip side, his separation is probably wreaking havoc with his emotions, including his sexual and general self-esteem. So, whilst what you did is right, some sympathy does deserve to go his way. Divorces really bring out the worst in people.
I would suggest making it clear that you do value his friendship, and that this doesn't mean a permanent end to your friendship. But, for the time being, given his situation, your contact needs to be either platonic (with no sexual pressure), or not at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 He found that you are not available and he may want to seek greener pastures.
If you can over ride your feelings,it is wise to let him know where you stand over this issue.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrMel +, writes (8 February 2008):
Umm...Hellooo..Lose this guy!
He's on his first separation and judging on his behavior I'm sure he's well on his way to eventually dealing with his 2nd one ..
He doesn't deserve your friendship..
We as women never want someone we care about or have feelings for to get angry with us...hence reasons why you posted this in the first place..
You want to clarify that his actions were indeed wrong and you SHOULDNT be feeling bad!
Move on and find a guy without baggage...who in the world wants that!?
You owe it to nobody but yourself..
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (8 February 2008):
Hi,
It looks like he has lost a valuable friend by behaving like an absolute arse. If he wasnt a divorcee going through a hard time you would think he was a real player given the way he is behaving.
The fact that he got upset when you refused sex tells you what he was really interested in and moreover, how much he valued sex over your friendship.
It's his loss, until he can straighten up his act and start behaving like a decent individual then you have every right to shun him. He's got 3 kids to support and a failed marriage in his emotional suitcase he is hardly in a position to be playing the playboy demanding sex. A guy in a situation like this should value his friendships and rely on them for support, not demand sex and go into a mood when he can't get it. He should be ashamed of his behaviour and you have every right to expect nothing less than a grovelling apology.
good luck.
...............................
|
