A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so dreadful. I worked for this man for 6 months. Before I went to work for him, we were close friends. He’s been married for almost 12 years, and I’ve been in a common law relationship for 7 years. We both had struggles in our relationships, and we shared those with each other and supported each other’s desire to be good spouses to our significant others. He said I helped him understand women better, and I felt he helped me to understand men better. In November and December, he began talking divorce with his wife. They’d been at odds for some time. I felt so badly for him, because divorce is so disruptive and antagonistic. There are children. As he was leaving on Christmas Eve, he looked so forlorn. I hugged him and wished him a good Christmas. It wasn’t the first time we’d hugged. But this time, he closed the office door, pushed me against the wall, and ravaged me with kisses. When I looked alarmed, he seemed surprised. “You must have known I’ve wanted to do this for a long time?”, he asked. “Not at all”, I answered. But instead of feeling compassionate yet offended, I think I felt happy and relieved. I’ve never felt what he made me feel in that moment. Then, he said he loved me more than anyone, and always had, and that he wanted us to be together. He called me on the way home, thanked me for supporting him, and asked me to “wait” for him. He kept repeating how right we were for each other. It was surreal.Over Christmas, he sent me over a hundred emails that were romantic and loving. He poured his heart out to me in tens of thousands of words. For every con I listed, he had a hundred pros. Meanwhile, I was feeling guilty, because I love my partner and would never want to hurt him, nor could I imagine really my life without him. But the weekend after Christmas, my boss and his wife reconciled, and he called me at home on the Monday to tell me that he’d told her about his feelings for me...and about the kissing. I felt betrayed and devastated and embarrassed, and I let him know. He kept repeating, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that, right?” Then he said I couldn’t return to work, because she didn’t want me anywhere near him. I was paid a severance sum plus damages, and dismissed without cause. Seven months have passed now. I haven’t heard from him or seen him. To me, logic dictates that I should resent him and never want to see him or speak to him again. Instead, I miss him. I feel as though there’s a huge void in my life. I don’t know why this is happening. I’ve been in counselling for 6 months, and I just want it all to go away. My old work friends call me and tell me he’s lost his smile and isn’t himself anymore. I feel the same about myself. His colleagues and supervisors have assumed mistakenly that my abrupt leaving was because we’d had an affair, and they’re shunning him for firing me without cause.My life had a sense of direction and purpose before this moment; now, suddenly I feel lost, like nothing matters anymore. Any helpful suggestions would be welcome, because I need to find my smile and my self confidence again.
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affair, christmas, confidence, divorce, kissing, my boss Reply to this Question
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female
reader, colormered  +, writes (29 July 2009):
I can relate to your situation. I had a friendship with my boss and he fired me three months ago. We worked together for 2 years. He is a male nun. I think he could not deal with his feelings and his position and calling. Anyway, I think about him daily but wish I could just get him out of my mind. I pray over the situation and know in time with God's help I can forget about him. We never got physically close but we shared a lot of information. He would pick me up for work and drop me off. He visited me when I was out 3 months sick. He teased and joked with me. Then one day he just up and fired me....I worked for a non-profit organization that can fire at will with out any reasons.The only advice I can give is hang in there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Wait a minute. You're talking about a lawsuit here, whether you went a long with his advances or not (Ok, you did). Mistake or not, he can't just fire you because his wife wants you gone.
Be honest with yourself tho, please. You were emotionally unfaithful to your partner...you were 'with' him in your mind, helping him, offering advice, listening to his intimate problems regarding his wife. You shared intimate things, too, about your own relationship. Your mind was with HIM for a few months, regardless of whether you did physical stuff or not.
His wife knows he was emotionally, mentally gone for months, thinking about you. You and he encouraged each other in that w/ intimate lunches, meetings, etc.
There's no such thing as "just friends" when a man and a woman start sharing intimacies.
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