A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Fiancé is friends with his boss and the boss's wife. I really like both of them, but I noticed that the boss's daughter who is 14 years old has a huge crush on my fiancé. Which is fine and normal but at a group party at the boss's house she would only see him when no one else was around. At the end of the night my fiancé went into the house to get me another piece of cake and didn't end up coming out. Others asked me what happened to him and I went into the house to find him. He was talking to the daughter. I grabbed my cake and walked out. He came out some time after that, people were still commenting. I told him when he got in the car I felt disrespected for him to do that especially I have only met the others twice before. I told him that it's obvious that she likes him and yes she is drop dead gorgeous but to be smart about it. It's his boss's daughter. Today I found out he friended her on Facebook and is instant messaging her, convincing her to come tomorrow to a get together with his boss, wife, him, and me. I mean come on she is the boss's daughter. How do I approach this?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 June 2013):
 Tell him how it looks. I'm sorry but a grown ass man should try and be "Buddy" with a 14 year old girl, specially not if she has a crush on him.
Is he really that dense that he can't see how this can end really bad for him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Thank you for all of your responses. I am worried because this affects his job it he talks to her and then tells her no, if she comes on to him. I know he friended her on Facebook because it said she accepted YOUR friend request. Then I checked the private messages. I was angry because even though their conversation was innocent when I walked in, was because I had three people ask me what happened to my piece of cake and where is he. That he still stayed for half an hour more after I grabbed the cake and walked out of the kitchen. When I met her the first time she was shy and didnt talk to me but at the end gave my fiancé a big hug and glances. I got in the car and was joking and saying she has a crush on him. I wish he didn't add her bc we need this job and he started the private conversation. He likes to flirt which is fine with me as long as it stays that way, but this is way too inappropriate for me. If he has her as a friend than write on her wall where everyone can see it. Also, her parents are divorced and she has major self concious issues with her body that her dad and stepmom don't mention anything that she can't do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Your fiancé is being WAY out of line here. He is putting his reputation and job in jeopardy by befriending her on Facebook and chatting her up and trying to get her to come to an adult get together. Come on, she is 14 years old! How stupid can he be? Obviously, your husband is loving the attention he is getting from her. She is a minor and she could play him and get him into a whole lot of trouble and accuse him of sexual assault or sexual harassment. He needs to block her on Facebook NOW and any other forms of communication via e-mail or the cell phone before this gets totally out of hand and he finds himself in deep doo-doo.You said people were commenting about him and her chatting. Did you hear specifically what those people said? If they saw their interaction at the party they are questioning his motives as well as hers.You need to have a serious chat with him about this before it blows up in his face and he loses you and his job.BUT, if after your talk together, if he continues on (and it looks like he has even after you talked to him about the party incident), then he has made his choice and he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions. I am a firm believer that people have to own up to their responsibilities and choices in life and if he so chooses to risk it all for a teenage girls affection then he has to man up and deal with the fall-out.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 The chatting in the house could have been innocent enough, but he should not have added her on Facebook, he should not be sending her messages and he should not be trying to persuade her to come out, even if other people will be there. Why would a grown man want to be friends with a girl in her early teens, particularly one whose father is his boss?
It is disrespectful to you, and humiliating also if other people are commenting on him being in the house with the daughter. You're engaged to be married and he shouldn't be nurturing friendships with underage girls who fancy him.
I'm not saying he'll do anything, but he is probably enjoying the attention she gives him. He really needs to be careful because he's on very dodgy territory. Most guys would never go down that road but some do. She is 14. She's attractive and I'm sure she knows it. 14-year-old girls are not like they used to be, even in my generation. 14-year-olds think nothing of using their looks and bodies to get what they think they want. I've read a lot of stories in the press about teenage girls whose lives end up ruined because they text naked pictures of themselves and they end up in the wrong hands. This is becoming increasingly "normal". If she is throwing herself at him, or even just flirting a little bit, then it's up to your fiancé to be mature and stop encouraging her.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Tell him that this has to stop. At the end of the day, no matter how gorgeous she is or how huge a crush she has on him, he is in a committed relationship and she is his boss's daughter. This is completely out of line. Not only is he looking at getting fired if things get out of hand, he could lose you too and if he doesn't realize this, then he's really stupid. Have a talk to him about this and ask him to be sensible. No facebook, no instant messaging, nothing at all...this is crossing the line. Just because she is a kid doesnt mean that he has to act like one too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Even if she wasn't the boss' daughter... She's 14!
That would really hurt me so I would tell him he was embarrassing himself and that he needs to delete her from facebook before her father finds out. Her behaviour isn't exactly appropriate, but he is an adult and needs to respond like an adult... He needs to set boundaries and not react to her at all, while obviously being civil.
I know it is nice to have a teenager be attracted to you, but he should just take it as a compliment and not encourage it in anyway. Ask him how he would feel if it was his boss' 15 SON that YOU were interacting with...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): I don't think you should have gotten mad at the party when he went inside and you noticed him talking to her. Were they in her bedroom? I especially don't think it is necessary that you confronted him the way you did in the car. You could've approached it in a light joking way. You're accusing him of something really big and insulting. That he is hitting on a minor. I feel like you are blowing a lot of this out of proportion. The facebook thing, how do you know it wasn't she who added him? And maybe after you had that unnecessary spiel with him in the car maybe he got kinda mad at you for the accusation and invited her out of spite. It's immature but some guys are like that. Do you really think your husband is stupid enough to get involved with a minor, which could have serious legal consequences? And of all minor's his own bosses daughter, which would get him fired? Not to mention his marriage would be ruined. You don't give him very much credit. Has your husband done something in the past to make you suspicious of him in that way?And of all the people who would be most concerned, it would be her parents. Because parents are in tune to stuff like this and always protect their children. You don't mention they are concerned or they noticed inappropriate stuff going on. I think you are being way too jealous and it is taking your mind to really dark places. You should give your husband a lot more credit and trust than that. Unless there is actual basis that something is going on (exchange of dirty pictures, sexting, them two meeting in private). Otherwise you come off as insanely suspicious and jealous. I would suggest stop being so insecure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): give him an ultimatum. make him delete her off facehook
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