A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee would not stop seeing his ex wife. I would understand if there are kids involve, but they dont have any kids. He tells me that he loves me, but he wont stop seeing her. i confronted him and he said that they are just friends and he only sees her once a year. What should I do?
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reader, Jamer70  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I agree with deejuilet here.
Just because Paul Mccartney wont ever be talking to Heather Mills again, doesnt mean all divorced exs dont talk to each other even if theres no kid involved.
If they were hanging out often and it were interfering with your relationship it would be one thing. But they see each other rarely, once a year, so there are 364 days where he isnt with her.
Once a year isnt the makings of a re-union and the makings of an affair so takings raimas advice of spying on him is unneed as the visits are rare and infrequent. Prehaps him seeing her upsets you and this should be addressed, but not all break up are two people trying to rip there necks open
A
female
reader, raima  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 there is no reason to see each other i think may be that women is attracting your partner again or your partner want both sides he wants to marry and on the other hand he wants that women for fun or enjoy........better you keep an eye on him just .........watched out how much he is spending in month ...his mobils bills ......all lists...e-mails everything definately you can catch him red handed if he is wrong or bluffing to you.......better carefull darling.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (4 April 2008):
 If he were seeing her frequently, or put her needs above your own, I would agree with the other aunts that this behaviour has to stop. But that is not the case. He has stayed on friendly terms with his ex, and they see each other once a year or so. Cant you see that this actually speaks rather highly of him and his character? Most people do not have the strength of character or the goodness in their souls to maintain a good relationship with someone once the romance falls apart. To say that the two of them have remained friends and see each other (very!) infrequently says that they are both mature, caring individuals who do not see the need to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater'. They recognized that they are not meant to be together, but still think highly of each other. When you never want to see someone again, it is like saying your judgement on this person was flawed to begin with, or that there is so much acrimony that you cant bear to see them.
My current boyfriend went out with a woman for 6 years. Four of those years were long distance and then he moved to be with her. After one year they bought a house together and lived there together for 1 year before breaking up. She wanted to sell the house right away and never speak again. He said no. He moved out and continued to pay half the mortgage for FOUR MORE YEARS so that she and her two kids could have a nice place to live until the youngest was 1 year out of high school. This was WAY over and aboue the call of duty. They never married and even if they had the court would have only ordered 1 year of alimony/support for every 3 married. He lived with her for 1 year, but paid 'support' for 4. Just because he is that decent of a guy. Personally I think he was a bit stupid and I am glad I did not start dating him then as he says he would have stuck to his guns about paying for 4 years, even if he and I were ready to start a life together and needed the money.
Needless to say, they still have a good relationship. They speak on the phone every couple months and he sees her and/or her kids (all grown up now!!) a couple times a year. It isnt like he sees them all the time. It is just every now and again, especially in an event like the dog being put to sleep or the daughter having her own babies. I will admit that when he sees them or talks to them it does bother me a little bit. But I know in my heart that the fact that he does shows what a decent man he really is. It conforts me to know that if we ever do break up he will treat me with the same kindness and decency and that we will be able to remain friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Personally, it looks to me like there's no reason for them to be seeing each other. No ties, no kids, they're divorced! The point of getting divorced is that you don't want to spend as much time together any more, and need a break from each other. I think you should tell him how you feel about this - he's your fiancee! He's marrying you! But if he's still concentrating on an old marriage, maybe he's just not ready to move on again and begin another marriage? It's time for his decision - you or her. Because it seems to me like he wants both and is GETTING both, which certainly isn't right honey!
If he still refuses to stop seeing her and its really bothering you (which I can't blame you if it is), then maybe it would do you both good to walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): well then there is no kids then there is no reason to c each other..the truth is he cant get over her..he likes ur company n like being with u but the truth is he loves her n cant get over her...im tellng u with expernce...tell himits eaither her or me...then ud noe the tuth...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): On one hand whats the harm in a once a year meet up, I think you would have more reason to worry if it were a more common occurance.
On the other hand, whats the need to meet at all unless they are getting something else out of it? There are no children involved so there is no excuses really, if they get on really well, why did they break up?
Its a tough call but I have to say on this occassion, I dont think you have reason to worry, so long as his attention is fully yours the other 364 days of the year.
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