A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! I've been with my fiance for 4yrs, we've had bad times, he used to be a bad gambler, and I had to take control of his money to help pay his debts so he had no money to gamble with. luckily this worked and he hasn't gambled for a year. we still have arguments(who doesn't) but nothing compared to what they use to be. Friday, we had a serious argument. He'd been out Friday night, came home, and was out of character which made me suspicious. He was desperate to find his phone. The next morning I had to check it, bad i know! He'd sent a love u message to a girl! After screaming at him Saturday morning, he later texted me to say it was worded bad but there was nothing in it and he then blamed me for snooping. I did and still do trust him(I know he wouldn't and he does love me) but I was still very pissed off and stayed annoyed at him. He went out Saturday night and didn't come home which left me thinking the worst all night. We've argued again and he's said he's pissed off at me for accusing him and even though he loves me, he isn't happy and hasn't been for a long time. He said because I control him, he's not himself, and I'm making him into someone he's not. He does things to please me but it's not what he really wants to do and that I have to know his every move, and what money he's spending. I'm moody when trival things don't go as planned and he says he has no private life. I do think he's made me this way from our bad past. I'm probably so used to doing it I don't see that I'm doing it. I love him very much but is it time to let go? For both our sanity, I just don't think I can but I think he's going. He's sleeping on the couch tonight, he never has before because he always comes to bed.
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female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (28 April 2008):
If you have been engaged for four years what type of 'private' life does he think he needs? Umm He is in a relationship with YOU - I am not sure from what you wrote...did you take control of the money or did you do it together? Did he ask you to help him stop gambling? I think this is where the problem starts - yes you got him to stop gambling, but at what cost? He was addicted to it - an addictive personality is not gonna be happy unless HE is the one who wanted to change - He could be blaming you for changing what he felt when he gambled - I say if you have been together 4 yrs and things are still going like this - RUN! You cant spend your life trying to make him happy - he sounds like he cant be trusted and obviously doesnt respect you or love you like you deserve - Dont waste anymore time on it - Dont look at it like he is going - Look at it like you are LEAVING and doing better for it! Take Care
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): It sounds like he is cheating on you. I think you are better than that and deserve a guy who has it more together. Break up, and maybe that will make him grow up more, or you can find someone new. This isnt going anywhere.
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