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My fiance never wants to have sex. How can I improve this situation?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My fiance never wants to have sex. I ask him all the time why and he tells me he is extremely self conscious of his penis.

He won't let me touch his penis if I try to grab him. I know he loves me but I can't seem to fix this issue.

I try to initiate love making with him everyday and there's always an excuse. Please help me

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOP what happens if you don't initiate? does he come after you in a few days?

have you ever had a good sex life?

if not, then it won't change and you can't fix him and you are better off ending the relationship or taking a lover with permission. (that's always my answer... not to cheat but to let the partner know that you will stay if you can get your sexual needs met somewhere else with his permission)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntWhat exactly is "wrong" with his penis? Have you two had sex ever? Can he get it up? Can he "complete" a lovemaking session?

Has he TALKED to a doctor/counselor about his issues?

I'd tell him that you are going to back off lovemaking/sex (and then you BACK OFF) for 30 days. You can still give him a kiss a hug, but nothing that says TAKE me to the bedroom!

If he AFTER 30 days do NOT initiate -then THAT is how your married life will be. NO sex.

I would also TALK to him after those 30 days. ASK him if he expects you to ACCEPT no sex after marriage.

So YOU have to decide if you WANT a marriage with NO sex or barely any sex or not. IF you don't, the break off the engagement.

I think, UNLESS you are ASEXUAL, that it is RIDICULOUS of him to expect that you would be OK with no intimacy. And I think you would be making a HUGE mistake in thinking that "after" you get married he will want sex.... If he doesn't want it NOW (and isn't wanting to WAIT for marriage for religious/cultural reasons) I don't see a RING on your finger will change how he feels about sex and.. his penis.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

I'm so sorry, but you can't marry a man who doesn't want to have sex with you. He'd make a wonderful friend, but a terrible husband. If he doesn't want to have sex with you, he doesn't love you in the way you love him. Stop deluding yourself.

I have no idea why he would ask you to marry him? Unless he's a gay man in the closet, and pressured by his family.

Taking on a young wife and offering her no intimacy makes no sense at all.

You're too young. He has an issue that may require professional therapy. Do you plan to have a family?

Unless you plan to adopt or pregnancy via artificial insemination; I highly recommend that you put your wedding plans on hold, or cancel them altogether.

The guy has a serious problem, and your marriage would be doomed from the very start. How on earth would you survive a non-sexual marriage?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntMy advice is two-fold:

1. DON'T go through with your planned wedding until/unless you and he reconcile this, and,

2. See if you and he can get to the bottom of this - by yourselves, OR with the assistance/guidance of a qualified counsellor.

IF you and he can reconcile his reluctance (or, inability) to have a sex life that matches YOUR preferences, THEN you must tell yourself that your choices are to live a non-sexual life and marriage, OR, go your separate ways.

Good luck

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