A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some advice. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 2 years. We had a awesome relationship and sex life the first year. We were always doing things together and always thinking about each other. We have had a few hick ups lately and I'm confused. I proposed to her on Christmas last year and ever since then I feel that I'm not her priority anymore. For the last 5 month everything has changed. I have been more moody and she has been more distant. Our sex life has died. She only wants it when she wants it. Foreplay has stopped she doesn't ever jump all over me like she used to. She always wants to be the one that gets rubbed, she always yells when I bring Up anything about sex. She also been working way more hours at work and never takes time off. She used to text me throughout the day and call if she was running late or leaving. Now i barely get a text or call. She goes out with her friends till late and with me she just falls right asleep. We got in a big fight tonight cause I told her how I felt and i feel like I have to yell just for her to acknowledge me anymore. She said that I am selfish?? For the reasons of that I tell her I want her to give me attention, that I want to have sex with her more, that I want her to touch me like she wants to be touched, and that even though she works I still think that she should make a effort to make me first priority. Does that make me selfish? I really love her but lately I feel that I am forcing someone to love me and I feel that you shouldn't have to force that. I really care about her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I'm so confused! Please help with any advice. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): Actually yes I do work and i work more hours then her, second I clean, cook, and take care of everything all I want in return is respect and affection. The problem is she feels going out to get drunk with friends and comming home at 5 am is ok. It's not ok. Especially when she can't answer the phone or text and always has excuses why. I didn't want to bring this out but every answer seems to refer to me being lazy. I always ask her what's wrong and what's stressing her. Her response is I'm lecturing her and being demanding. There's no communication on her part so how can it get better. So there's the reasons of my insecurities and anger. I try to hold it in but it all feels like she has no care in the world for my feelings. So before you want to throw blame ask for the rest of the story. There is a lot more to it and it just really hurts me so my question really is should I leave or should i stay. I care for her but when I start loosing my self respect then that's a major concern. It is also hard with controlling thoughts of her cheating with these signs. When i ask her about it she gets defensive. When i ask her why she locks her phone I'm being controlling its just a no win situation I guess. Thanks for the responses
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): thanks for the response......
I am not unhappy at all....i am just hurt do to the fact of the lack of interest anymore....we have had our fights and i am not one to say that i havent caused alot of them. i truly believe she loves me i am just confused. she has had alot going on with work and family health issues the last few months. she says she is going to make a attempt and that she is sorry but time will tell. i just dont want her to feel like im a pushy guy. i just feel that what i am wanting is not asking for to much or being selfish. i dont know if she just says that due to anger at the time or if she really believes it. maybe she is seeing someone else. love is a hurtful thing sometimes
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2012):
 If you think you aren't her first priority NOW, just think what things may be like a couple of years after you marry each other. Do not go through with the marriage if you are still having these "hiccups"; and this sounds like a very serious case of them by the way. You both need to have a nice long chat about all this. I don't think you are being selfish but you definitely sound unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): You have to find ways to make yourself happy again. It seem like she kind of removes herself from the relationship when she choose to. This is probably why you have been moody. You are not getting the emotional support or affection you need from her. But again you are not selfish you are being neglect what other way is there to respond. Your love needs to get it together.If your issues become worse you should consider couples therapy...I wish you the best sweetie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): I don't think you are selfish. If you ask me I would say everything is changing way to quickly. You should be her first priority and you should not have to ask for her affection or to be loved. It is not fair how she makes time for her friends and not enough for you. There is also a communication problem between you two. She is not treating you either way you look at it. Her way of being toward you seems to be selfish. You are not getting what you need and you have tried expressing that to her and it seems she is not acknowledging that. You have to find wayso
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): Do you live together? Do you have a job? Does she work more hours than you do? If you live together and she works more than you, are you helping with chores around the house, or are you leaving her to do them.Next, you ARE being selfish. You expect her to put you first, and yet you don't consider her feelings at all. Basically, you have told her that she comes second...after you and your feelings. Have you tried asking her about what has been stressing her out? Instead of waiting for her to text or call you, do you text or call her? Why not meet up with her and her friends when they go out, so you can spend more time together?Finally, if she isn't getting enough sleep, and you continue to pester her for sex (especially when she is exhausted and trying to sleep) you will lose her.
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