A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:sorry if this is long, but i really need some advice.my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago monday just gone. we had an argument on the sunday night because he was too tired to come over and i felt that due to having commitments with work and events in our life seperately, we hadn;t seen much of each other that week and I was annoyed that he just wanted to go home and sleep. on top of this was the fact that we wouldnt see much of each other for the next few weeks due to the same reasons.during the week, he'd started working 18 hour days. he works at a courier service- initially working 5am-9am and then again 5pm-9pm monday- saturday, but the company had recently been asking him to deliver parcels during the day aswell. often he'd leave his/ my house at 4.30am and not get home until gone 10pm that night. saturdays during the day he spends playing golf as he is a member of a club, and sunday is his only day off. he also has band practise every monday night after work, until late.i had been getting a little irritated with the fact that we don't get much time to see each other, especially as i have just been made redundant and when we did it was often only at night and because of his long hours all we really did together was eat, have sex and sleep. there was never any time for us to have date nights, not that he ever had any money to take me out because he is in so much debt with his parents and grandparents. on top of this hectic schedule he still had to make time to see his friends and family as well as me. he is 22, i am 21 and we both live still live at home.i was getting irritated by all this, but i always thought we'd work through it as situations don't stay the same forever.he broke up with me telling me he just didnt physically have the time or the money to put the commitment into a long term relationship right now, and couldnt give me what i wanted. i feel that if he cared about me as much as he claims/ as much as everyone else claimed, he would have worked through all of this. we tried to stay friends for the first couple of weeks, often him initiating the contact but on saturday after having 2 weeks to think about things we had a big fight, mainly because i thought that after everything i did for him (i literally did everything in my power to make him happy when i knew he didnt have the time or money to reciprocate most of it) he at least should have made the effort to keep it going instead of just giving up. i am angry because i lost my virginity to this guy- he wasnt just in it for sex because i made him wait 2 months so i knew i could trust him- and now this happens 2 months later. it's not like ive never had the chance to have sex before, i was just waiting and i thought this time was different. he was so nice and didnt treat me like crap at all. after our big fight on saturday i told him i didnt want anything to do with him anymore. he had a go at me and told me he'd text me the next day... he didnt. i feel like he cant understand why i'm so upset.we havent spoken since the argument, and i am reluctant to contact him and have also deleted him on facebook, cut all contact. his friends have all said since (without me asking) that he does really care about me, and that theyre all on my side after he's done this.am i stupid to think that he might contact me or miss me soon ? or is this going to be it forever? he still has one of my cds, which he knows he still has to return. does this situation just need time? i miss him so much :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I don't know what sort of EFFORT you put into trying to make this relationship work, but your EX BOYFRIEND quite clearly from your posts can either GIVE UP his job or his OTHER INTERESTS such as band and golf to put the same sort of EFFORT into the relationship.
He TOLD you, he doesn't have the TIME or the MONEY to put into a relationship right now.
You TOLD him you didn't want anymore to DO with him.
The relationship is OVER, it would seem rather than putting in EFFORT you should have put in some UNDERSTANDING of his situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am NOT angry at him for not having much time! i do not expect him to spend 100% of his free time with me! i understand that he cannot see me as much as i/ we both would like. i am simply annoyed at the fact that i have put SO MUCH effort into making this relationship work and that he is just giving up. i'd understand if he told me that for a few weeks we wouldnt be able to see each other as much as we normally would. i know he has a busy schedule. i feel that if he really cared about me as much as he claims and as much as everone else claims he does, he would WORK THROUGH this difficult period and stay with me, after everything i've done for him. NOT BREAK UP. i need advice from people who actually understand what im talking about. not people who think i'm angry at him for not having the time to see me.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I'm sorry but I'm with your BF on this one, cut the guy some slack, he has 6 hours a day to himself and you're complaining because he doesn't spend it with you? And then when he actually does the honourable thing and admits that he can't give you what you want in a relationship you're not happy that he's given up? I don't see what else he could possibly do considering how much he works.
Also, you told him not to contact him again, you can't then criticize that he's not tried to speak to you, you asked him not to...If he continued with how things were going, maybe it would of just become too much stress for him anyways but it manifested itself in a worse way, with him blowing up on you or something along those lines. At least this way it was ended in a respectful way.
You need to find someone who is on the same wavelength as you relationship wise at the moment, this guy clearly doesn't have the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've always understood the amount of time that he has is limited, right from the beginning. Our relationship has been consistent and whilst I do sometimes get abit irritated and wish i could see him more, the time we spent together was always good and I really cared about him.
I'm not asking for him to give anything up to be with me, i just feel that if he cared for me as much as i cared for him he'd make the effort to keep the relationship going a little longer. overall, i WASNT unhappy the way things were. i'm annoyed at him because he doesn't seem to understand or even care why i'm upset.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (7 June 2012):
 in reality you waited 2 months to have sex with him and two months later he dumps you because he doesn't have time for you or money.
i say you should move on.
with a workload like that he will never have much free time and you have no job which has added to your need to have someone to spend time with. go hang out with your friends and avoid him until you get over this( hopefully i have it right) four month relationship.
get your cd and move on
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 June 2012):
 Honestly the poor guy work 18 hours day and you can't understand WHY he is too tired after that to deal with a GF who feels neglected?
I think he was being VERY honest when he said :" and couldnt give me what i wanted." He was right. You want a guy who has the time to SPEND time with you. HE is at 22 trying to work on his career and be a responsible adult who works his tail off.
If you want your CD back, tell him to drop it by. But I think you have some unrealistic views of what this relationship should be. That and I think you put in 100% and expected 100% back, but only got 10% because that was either all he was able to give or willing to give back.
Honey, you need to let him go. He is focused on work now, not dating.
You need a guy who shares your views on relationships.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (7 June 2012):
Would you honestly have preferred him to put his health at risk and drive tired to visit you after he has worked long hours than for him to get the sleep he said he needed?
You told him you didn't want anything to do with him anymore and deleted him from facebook. Maybe he has taken you at your word, and this is why he hasn't contacted you.
I think this young man was stretching his time too thin and there just wasn't enough space to take care of a girlfriend. I understand you have been made redundant, and so will have extra time on your hands, but he is working long hours (maybe too long) and still trying to maintain some sort of balance between work and play with his band practice and golf. Which of these did you expect him to give up for you; his job, his band or his golf?
I think you need to just accept this relationship happened at the wrong time for both of you, maybe once he gets his debts under control and you find employment you can try again.
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