A
male
age
51-59,
*b897
writes:I'm 43 and divorced 5 years from my ex wife Janet. We have one daughter together Amanda who is 13 and is living with me because she wanted it. We split up when she told me she was having an affair and when i asked her was it me or him she choose him. Since then she has had four kids with him and never re-married and split up with the guy 8 months ago.About two years ago i met the second love of my life . We started out as friends and sooner or later i developed deep feelings for the woman . She is alot younger than me she is 32 but she was so beautiful that i found myself thinking about her every second of the day. We then went on dates and got into a serious relationship after and last september she gave birth to my second daughter Hannah. At first my 13 year old daughter did not except her step mother she didn't want her around because at the time she only saw her mother rarely and didn't want another woman in the house,it took well over a year for my daughter to open up to her and now they are just as if they are mother and daughter . I proposed to my girlfriend last October and our wedding is this July. For some reason my Ex wife heard about it and demanded to have my eldest daughter Amanda live with her . Amanda refused to live with her because she said she would miss her baby sister then my Ex wife believed my fiancee had Amanda brainwashed to stay with us (which she didn't) and came to our home one evening roaring the place down when she heard i had another baby since she said that i couldn't afford to keep two children (i clearly can as i have a business) and that Amanda is better off living with a real mother . She is sending me letters saying she is going to take my daughter back home were she belongs and that she will destroy my wedding if i don't give her back her daughter. It is my daughter that wants to live with us and for that matter my ex can't get that into her stupid head. I am tired of her coming to my home upsetting my kids,she has woken my 4 month old child numerous of times and is calling my fiancee names like hoore and **** because she is marrying an older guy and spreading horrible rumours about us . I don't know why she hates my fiancee she never met her and dislikes how her and Amanda have gotten so close. What do i do because i am putting up with this for months, when i go to work she comes to my home attacking my fiancee. I'm not stopping my daughter from seeing her mom , she dosent want to talk to her because her mother didn't contact her for a year and she dosent forgive her for it . I feel i am in the middle. My fiancee wants to hold the wedding for a year until this all blows over but i don't i am afraid she will destroy our wedding but i don't want to hold it for a year i wanted it in July as it was the summer and im concerned most importantly for my daughter she means the world to me and her mother is acting like a fool.What do i do here i am utterly confused and need advice on what to do?
View related questions:
affair, divorce, ex-wife, fiance, my ex, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Hi,
I am not sure what advice to give you, because clearly your ex-wife is irrational and out of control. But, I can tell you for sure that she's behaving this way because she's a bitter person and unhappy with her life. When she was with her man, she didn't bother you, or contact your daughter, now that you are happy, found someone to share your life with, she's a bitter, jealous, selfish person. I am sorry that you and your fiancée are going through this difficult time. It must be frustrating and stressful. I am guessing the only way to solve this is taking legal matters so she can stop harassing you and your family. Go to the police station, file for a restrain warrant so she cannot come to your home or work whenever she has her crazy moods... Congratulations on your new baby and wish you a happy life with your new fiancée.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 OK.. I suggest this needs legal help, so there everything is clear to everyone.. She can't just demand your daughter come live with her, that's not the way it should work.
Go for either sole custody, or joint custody, but make it clear that your daughter wants to live with you.
Secondly, your ex-wife has no business at your house if she is offensive. Tell her she is no longer welcome there and you'll get a restraining order if she comes near your home again.
Once lawyers are involved, give them all the letters. Then she won't be able to threaten to take Amanda.. Amanda is not an object, she can't take her away from you like that. She would have to prove that your abusive or your daughter is failing to thrive. At the moment, she's in a bad spot. She has too many kids, so your daughter would get left out, she's on her own without a man, so there's no proper family home and she left her daughter in your care for many years after she had an affair... nope, she can't win... call in your lawyers and once she sees that your getting legal then she'll back right off...
Be careful when she spends time with your daughter, she will spend all her time manipulating and saying bad things to try to get your daughter to hate you and your new partner.
Get an answer machine for the calls... record everything she says and again, send it to the lawyer as evidence that she's an unfit mother and maybe insane.
Stop trying to make peace with this crazy lady.. cut her dead, make some legal threats that you can back up and get her the hell out of your life. Amanda can go to her mothers house if she wants, or she can call her on the telephone, but there is no reason in the world why you or your partner have to see her again.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 January 2012):
You need to come out from being in the middle and take a side, preferably the side you want which in my opinion would be with your fiancee.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): Legally the EX has no footing. Daughter is of an legal age where she has her say in courts. Plus she has bonded with her baby sister. You have an established home life/routine.
Call the police on Ex Wife whenever she shows up. Don't let her in the house. Stop taking texts/calls from her unless you use them to slap her with harassment and get a peace bond against her.
SHE HAD NO RIGHTS TO GO TO YOUR HOME and Harass your Wife. GET The Authorities involved.
How do you not know this???
Get A Lawyer and invest the time and money into putting the EX in her legal standing. AWay from home, visitation access only, if that.
Put Teen Daughter in counselling.
Your FAMILY comes first. So do your Duty.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 January 2012):
 Get a lawyer, keep all the "evidence" and sue for full custody.
Just because your ex gave birth doesn't mean she is the better choice as a mother for your oldest.
Take her to court. If she is now a single mom with 4 kids I doubt she will want to spend the money on lawyer's fees. And your oldest is old enough to decide for herself where she wants to live.
...............................
|
