A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I left an emotionally, verbally and ultimately physically abusive relationship. I will not sugar coat and say I did not lash back out. I hit him back and screamed and cursed back stooping to his level instead of leaving. This went on for 10 months. He now posts my nastiest text messages on social media to embarrass me publically. He has thousands of followers and I went to school with many of them. It hurts to be bullied all over again. I was a quiet and studious person in grammar and high school. There’s even a text of my discussing an abortion that I now get therapy for because never in my life did I think I’d have one. Yet former mutual friend take his side. I feel humiliated all over again. He also sent such screenshots to MY inner circle. They all blocked him but it’s reopening the wounds all over. I actually loved this person so much and it was hard to leave so to have this happen is so painful!! Then this is a father about to be 40! I’m feeling so humiliated, ashamed, sad, etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2018): Please do not contact this being again. Move your body higher.
He's a bad egg. This is ALL!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 December 2018):
 This is about him. OP
You are just convenient ammo to feed his need for attention.
To fight with a partner at the end of a relationship is really not uncommon, for anyone. To do it over text? Not smart but again, I would guess in today's world, not uncommon either.
HE is doing this to get attention and sympathy. And to hurt you in the process, after all... you REJECTED him and left him. In his eyes you are fair game.
And unfortunately, the laws are still a bit fuzzy on online harassment.
So again, ALL you can do is KEEP the no contact, ACCEPT that you own behavior wasn't the greatest either during those arguments, learn from this, if you have disagreements in the future don't do them over text. And let your lawyer handle this. He wouldn't contact the provider OR your es, if your ex wasn't posting crap online, so he (your ex) has no foot to stand on with this. But he is trying to pull another "poor little me" act to garner attention.
Stuff happens, OP - move on. Let the lawyer do his job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2018): Hello and thank you. This is OP. I only lashed out when we dated. Once it was over, I went no contact. I never said anything online either. I tried to report the posts but I need the URL and since he blocked me, I can’t get te link. I had my attorney file a report and send him a cease letter but his response was my lawyer is harassing him. I am already so sad over everything and this just makes it hurt more and prolong the healing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2018): Hello this is op. I lashed back in person during the relationship. I never posted anything online. My lawyer sent him a letter but he responded by saying we are harassing him! This is just adding salt to my wounds as I left him months ago.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): Hello this is op. I lashed back in person during the relationship. I never posted anything online. My lawyer sent him a letter but he responded by saying we are harassing him! This is just adding salt to my wounds as I left him months ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): Furthermore, if the recipients of his evil posts and texts can't see he's being abusive; they're the same kind of trash he is.
You have no reason to feel humiliated; when people are judging you based on information supplied by a man who abuses women! If they don't recognize it as abuse and deliberate online-shaming; they're as bad as he is. Decent people block and delete incoming spam and garbage.
In fact, you may have documented proof for a libel and slander suit. If you've been playing tit for tat; you lower any chances of seeking legal restitution. You can still have him cited for abuse.
When you believe you love somebody, be logical and rational about it. How much of a beating and psychological-abuse can you take before you get out of it?
Report the abuse to your therapist; so you can get a referral to a trauma-counselor specializing in domestic violence, if necessary.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): You report abuses of social media to the website; and you block the abuser. If you were older, I could understand if you didn't know this; but you know that all websites have rules and a means to report scammers and abusers.
Love is no excuse to put-up with abuse. It's the 21st century, and online-bullying has remedies and protections. You wanted to hold-on to him; so you allowed him to get to you. You also participated; so you prolonged and incited your situation unnecessarily.
You'll have to live it down; now that's out in the open. You can only shock people with the same old information for so long; unless you are constantly feeding him information to humiliate you with! If you're also participating in social media bashing; you're provoking attack and just as guilty.
You'll have to have all the information online deleted; and stop airing all your business online. You go to counseling and therapy for a reason; so you already have that available and in-place. Use it.
You'll have to power your way through the humiliation as best you can. What's out there is out there.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 December 2018):
 Why are you humiliated and ashamed? It should be him! Whoever he's sending these texts to, if they support him then they're as bad as him! Any rational person would block him and sympathize with YOU!
However, I think you should not take this lying down. Women have been humiliated and bullied into silence since time immemorial and you should show this idiot that you are not going to take any shit from him. Contact the police immediately, tell them that you are being harrassed on different forums by this man and let them deal with him. One word from them and I bet he'll go running for cover. Bullies are always cowards and this man is no exception
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): Look, people know that we're only human and people who care about you will support you, because what he's doing right now is just showing what kind of a horrible person he is.
Being human makes us prone to mistakes. We chose bad partners, we make bad decisions, we lash out... Nobody will judge you for it. At least nobody you should care about.
I would avert the police and see what, if anything, could be done.
I went out with a guy for 2 months, who turned out to be a complete lunatic. And I'm being gentle when I say this. He had a serious diagnosis and kept contacting some of my friends (who let him) YEARS after I had left him.
I too was ashamed for about a second. I too asked myself what I was thinking when I decided to go out with him... In my case I could say that he was fun... until he wasn't.
My husband, who has never met him, makes jokes about it from time to time. Nothing mean. And I'm OK with it... because I decided NOT TO BE ASHAMED. All experiences are good experiences if we learn from them. And I did learn so much in those 2 months...
So we do the best that we can. It's your decision if you will allow him to demean you. Fight back and change your attitudes. Love yourself, speak kindly to yourself about yourself. Give yourself a break.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 December 2018):
 Oh to be human. Who in this life time has not made mistakes or done things they regret. No one, therefore no right to judge. Not that this will make you feel any better but- who cares what other think, especially those that dont know you. Block, delete and if it continues in any other form seek some legal advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 December 2018):
That is what he WANTS you to feel. He knows exactly how to push your buttons, not just to your face but to everyone you know.
I don't know if this constitutes harassment in Canada, but I would advice you to go to the Police.
Secondly, I think you NEED to accept that you CAN NOT control what this man says, does, feel or think. ONLY how you react to it.
As for those former friends who "chooses" his side, write them off ASAP. BLOCK them, delete them DO NOT have any contact, because HE will use that too.
Thirdly, you need to take responsibility for your own actions. If you threw crap at him, you don't really have any high ground here. Unfortunately. What you need to do is keep working on yourself, moving forward.
Learn from this. Contact the Police, contact the social platform and have his posts about you removed.
Keep moving forward. Don't let him hold you back.
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