A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I were together for over three years and had an amazing sex life. We had sex atleast once a day if not more, but when he would get drunk and wanted to have sex he would be so ruff and demanding which was a complete turn off. Everytime we would end up getting into a huge fight and he would say horribly mean things to me and the conversation would always turn into "I never satisfy him enough." After I started believe the things he said and started to feel bad about myself I ended it. I completely cut all ties and realising I couldn't deal with this for the rest of my life. My question is though why would he act like that? Was it possibly true that for him I didn't give him enough (granted I know he was drunk and is in all actuality a complete a**hole)but I think back and I feel like I maybe should have given him more if it would have made him happier (he never said anything sober though) Also, how do I keep this from affecting my next relationship? I was talking to a friend about this and she said when the topic of sex comes up to be straight forward with him and ask how often he "expects" it. Advice please??
View related questions:
drunk, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 September 2007):
 You're lucky he's your ex. It sounds as if he has controlling personality traits which really come out when drunk. You did nothing wrong. It's you body. A relationship DOES NOT give either person ownership over the actions of the other person. I can't make someone not cheat. I can trust them not too. If they choose to, I can choose to not be with them. A relationship is sharing time with people you want to share your time with. The reason I say people is including friendships too. Sharing your time, you should never feel pressured into doing something, or be told you have to do something. That's not a relationship, it's slavery. If sex is demanded in order to keep the relationship. That person needs to go. You need someone who is grateful you chose them to spend your time with, and treats you in that way.
A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (5 September 2007):
 No man can demand sex from because it is your body. You dont live to satisfy the sexual needs for men unless it is your husband. Each man has a level of sexual need and that ranges from every day to every three days. As a wife you'll have to work that out with your husband. With a boyfriend, they get whatever is given to them because that have no rights over your body nor can they demand anything from you because there is no promise or life long commitment created to bind them to you. *The guy was drunk and forceful with you getting upset when he didnt get what or the amount he wanted. That is like a child throwing a tantrum. Dont go back thinking that you should have given in. Alcohol doesnt deserve to get its way because it is influencing a person's thinking and judgment.
...............................
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Sex EVERY DAY wasn't enough? Yikes! You were right to run from this guy. Most men are happy with 2-3 times a week.
(Well, maybe not at 18, but you get my point.)
When you get far enough along into a new relationship, you might confide in him that you had this problem with your ex, so that he'll know you're sensitive about it. And if he's not sensitive about it, dump him too. You deserve better.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (5 September 2007):
Why give the a**** any further thought. Since no 2 guys are alike, save your energy for your new guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (5 September 2007):
 When you mentioned..."when he would get drunk"...this has me wondering if he did this quite often. Being once married to an alcoholic, I can understand your feelings. I to was never "satisfing", however, when sober, everything was great. This has me wondering if he might be one? If so, then it is probably best you did end the relationship and no, trust me, you did nothing wrong. As far as future relationships, I can't say this is something I would ask, I see this as time for you to get to know your next partner more. Talking more and understanding through well rounded conversation and excellent communication between you and him should assist you not only in making a better choice in my opinion, but in understanding him more as an individual. Best Wishes in your new future.
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 You need to stop second guessing yourself! You did the right thing by dumping this guy, so dont look back and wonder if you were at fault in any way.
When you settle down into your next relationship I strongly doubt you will have the same issues you had in the last one if you just make a better choice in men. Most guys wouldnt complain about only getting sex once a day! Myself included!
Relax and stop letting the dysfunction of your last relationship cloud your ability to see the next one.
Take care,
Duce
...............................
|
