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female
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anonymous
writes: my ex bf of 5 yrs raped me infront of my children, he has been charged by police and i am due to appear in court soonish. he was violent towards me during the relationship, which he has also been charged for. The problem i have apart from the above are, i still think it was my fault, i still blame myself for his actions. He would often say how ugly and skinny I am. My confidence is zilch and I mistrust men severly. Do you have any suggestions to how i trust myself and men again please! thank you. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): my ex of 4 months has raped me but i feel like its all doen to me cause i so stupid and should of been able to see what was going to happen, he laughs about it all and his life going great. I am in so much emotional pain i dont know where to turn, reported it to police but was to emarrased and felt silly telling them what he done to me , im an adult i should know better. can anyone relate pls pls pls
A
female
reader, chinadolls +, writes (17 March 2006):
 It's definetly not your fault that your sick ex boyfriend did this to you in front of your children.I think you should sit down and think good thoughts about yourself mabey this will help you bring up your confidence in your self and as far for men mabey you should try dating again and if the relationships don't work out you can always give the relationship a break and date other people untill you find the right one for you.I hope i've helped and goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Hi there,
Please don't blame yourself over what this man has done to you, the beast has robbed you of you confidence and self worth, and no doubt made you feel guilty about your children having to witness his behaviour.
The main thing is you were brave enough to report him, many women in your situation never have the courage to do that.
Be thankful he is out of your life, and you are now free of the abuse he inflicted on you and your children.
There are many good men out there and in time I'm sure you'll meet someone who will treat you with love and respect, although I'm sure it will be some time before you will be ready for another relationship, and of course there is no rush.
You do not need to trust anyone immediatly, that will come naturally over time and you will need to be completly sure about anyone you place your trust in is worthy of it, but it can be done, believe me.
There is no excuse for what he did to you and by blaming yourself means his abuse will carry on long after he is out of your life.
Take comfort in your children, and time to rebuild your self confidence. Tell yourself everyday you are a good person who deserves to be happy, and let no one tell you or convince you otherwise.
I'm sure you have a happy future ahead of you, you were strong enough to end this abusive relationship and I have no doubt you will find the strength to get over this and live a full and happy life.
Well done, and the best of luck.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): Bridget, did you just call her "Pet"? 8x
8]
Anyway, Ms. Anon, why would blame yourself for his actions? By calling you ugly, skinny, and unhealthy, and possibly stupid and retarded, he just branded himself a dishonorable, ungentlemanly pile of excess filth! Only you can judge yourself whether you deserve better or not, and from an objective point of view, he has no right to judge you like that. Obviously, he has very low self-esteem, and must abuse you the way he has. With this fact in mind, you must not give in to his aggressive habit and make way for yourself to see outside your mental prison.
Indeed, throughout the years, he has poisoned your emotions and your thought processes, but expose yourself to what the world is capable of and what life has to give in its steed, and maybe you can stop blaming yourself, and realize how foolish you are to believe in such blatant insults from a man who deserve nothing more than crap, and nothing less than jail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): First, things first. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!! He raped you, all the responsibility lies with him. When you said NO, he should have walked away. I'm very worried for your children as this will take them their whole lives to get over. You need to see proffessional counselling immediately. You need a guiding voice, that can help you in how to approach your children on this subject and how you move on. You have every right to be angry at the world, but you are the victim!! Please get help asap. Forget about men right now and think of your children. You did the right thing by going to the police. Well Done. Take care and stay safe.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (16 March 2006):
 Hey there Pet,
Please please please dont blame yourself, (I can understand how you feel) and you should not blame yourself, Its definately not your fault..
People who confess that they have been raped, do blame themselves and Its only because they are in such miserable pain and stress in coming to terms and dealing with the problem itslef..
It is totally normal and I think you should see a Counsellor to overcome the problem.. Maybe even take the chance at the family councellor for the kids aswell..
This type of issue never leaves the person and at times in the daily life the problem appears in many ways and they can learn to deal with this..
As for the court issue it takes mega guts to do this and Im sure you will shine on throught your life,
I hope you get on
Its not our fault, and always remember that..
I wish you the best of luck
Jacqueline
x
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