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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend now for 5 months, going really well. He told me he was engaged to his last girlfriend, together 7 yrs and he loved her. They broke up because she cheated on him and ended it. Then not long after, he and I got together. He saw her recently and she wanted him back. He said he was seeing me but whether he was or not couldn't get back with her cos he couldn't trust her. The other day he told me he'd come across their wedding invitations and replies and that the date they would have been married is in a few weeks' time. So it's been on his mind. He says he feels guilty that he's thinking about her when he is with me. He has been a little distant lately. I am glad that we talk so openly but I'm not sure what to do. He says he needs to work things out in his head. I have been very understanding and suggested he take his space if he needs it but he is still keen to see me often. I am naturally quite insecure and he knows I worry. I am worried that he is going to want to get back with her. Obviously I want him with me, but also I don't want him to let her to break his heart again. What should I do now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): Hun, your relationship with man is just 5 months old. It's still in it's infancy-it needs time to get established. This ex gf's arrival back on the scene is a huge test to his feelings for you. He may not trust her, but he cannot just simply turn 'off' his feelings of 'connection' to her. They have a long history. This is called baggage and you have to decide whether you can ride this out with him and bear up to the test, your relationship is undergoing. Meeting up with his ex has brought some feelings to the forefront of his mind. But that does not mean he will be leaving you for her. Quite the contrary. It just means he's going through a 'confusing' time in dealing with his feelings. I say stick by his side and show him some genuine support. Be happy, smile, distract him with fun things to do together and allow him to see your fun, happy side. Be confident and be honest and build the trust. That is what will make this relationship like no other. When you both eventually find that kind of connection, nothing life throws at you both will separate the two of you. It may take him a little time to get over old memories, but give your bf credit for learning from his past. Take this opportunity to share your feelings with him. The greatest joy of being with the right person--the man perfect for you--is that you can be completely honest, completely open, and completely authentic. As for the ex gf interfering...remember, she cheated on him. The trust was virtually shattered. Do you think he'll ever forget that? I don't think he will. If she is aware of you, then she is simply doing what a lot jealous, scorned women do, when they have NO respect for an ex bf's new relationship..she feels entitled and she's now attempting to deny him any happiness. He likely knows this. If she was a woman with some inkling of integrity,she would leave him alone, accept her responsibility for messing up the relationship and move forward. So keep building trust with him..he's been hurt by her..and he likely needs your support more than ever right now. Good Luck Dear
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