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My ex is demanding money that he gave me as a gift

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 September 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 9 September 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my ex and i broke up almost a year ago, however since that time we have remained 'friends' (i say that loosely as its been a very turbulant time, sometimes we've got on and acted like a couple still, other times we argue constantly) he made my life hell during the relationship and after finding out he'd been lying to me i broke up with him. his manipulation and emotional abuse is the reason its taken me this long to finally realise i need him out my life.

ive met someone else and although its very early days i do like them and feel human again knowing that i can get over my ex.

however my ex is crazy, controlling, rude and basically petrifying, after finding out about this new guy hes called me all the names under the sun and demanded that i repay him money that he gave to me as a gift a year ago when we were a couple.

i dont know what to do, whether to just give him the money so i can get him out of my life for good?

or after just receiving a message off him saying that he hates me and thinks im weak pathetic and stupid should i stay strong and not give him the money that was given to me as a present (may i say its only £100, not a lot)

does anyone know how this would go if the police became involved? does he have any right to get that money back off me if it 12 months ago he gave it me willingly?

View related questions: broke up, emotionally abusive, money, my ex

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (9 September 2011):

No don't pay him the money. It was given, he has no right to it, moral or legal.

Instead, stop taking his phone calls and stop returning his sms messages, probably for about a month, until he has calmed down and gotten on with his life. This guy is not ready to be your friend, stop all communication until he is.

He is harrassing you because his ego is bruised due to the break up, and he is morning the loss of the relationship even though it was a long time ago. He is being angry and irrational. Stay away from him until this has all passed.

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A male reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall Canada +, writes (9 September 2011):

give him the money back. It's worth it not to have the hassle of him always holding this over your head. He's desperate and using the only thing he can to get back at you. gladly pay him and tell him to do one.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 September 2011):

Honeypie agony auntPersonally, I wouldn't pay him a dime. NO LAWYER will take this case for an amount of 100 Pounds.

He can not take back money he gifted you, because you broke up. He is trying to control you still.

If it was me, I would tell him to go ahead and take you to court.

Change you number or put his on blocked.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011):

I would say write a check or a money order (so you have proof you gave him the money) and be done with it. It's a small amount to pay to be rid of him.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (8 September 2011):

It was a gift, therefore he has no legal right to take it back from you. His threats and texts etc will all count against him. If anything, you'll be able to counter claim and say that he's harassing you. So entirely cut contact, keep anything that he sends to you and if the police do get involved, show them the lot and tell them it was a gift.

And whilst the others say send the money, I would say DO NOT, on the basis that he might start demanding other things or whatever. Do not be blackmailed by this guy.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (8 September 2011):

Lola1 agony auntYour ex is responding with jealousy. I would pay the 100pounds and enjoy the freedom from him it offered. Be prepared that he may not accept the money, but I would wordlessly send it to him anyway.

Good luck and enjoy your new relationship.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (8 September 2011):

Jmtmj agony auntI'd pay 100 just to avoid the headache personally.

Legally speaking though, he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, cops won't take this guy seriously, let alone a judge. Even if he had proof that it was a loan, its only 100, nobody is going to waste thousands in court fees for that- especially given your ex's pointlessly transparent motive.

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