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My drug addict ex boyfriend dumped me, he just puts drugs before me!

Tagged as: Health, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 July 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A female Canada age 30-35, *ior84 writes:

My ex bf began taking cocaine at age 10 as well as drinking and having sex. His parents sent him to a rehab in grade 9 but when he got out he became a dealer and ended up doing time in jail. When he got out he went back to his old ways and ended up leaving a bad breakup of a 3yr relationship/family/friends all behind due to owing people money and the consequences he’d face if he stayed.

He moved back to the city where we went to school 10 years later and begged to take me on a date. I was hesitant because he was so bad as a kid and we weren’t friends but I eventually went and fell in love. Their were so many ups and downs in the relationship taking money from me, selling his possessions ect. I stuck by him no matter how long he went without talking to me or what he did. I would do anything I could to show how much I cared, gifts, taking him out because he had no $ no job, cards, letters you name it I tried it. I took him on a carribean vacation and a week after we got home I was waiting for him to come over and he broke up with me when I called to ask where he was. For almost a month he’d call me on wknds saying he called me by accident b*tch and hang up. When I finally received a nice call he told me he was trying to make me hate him, it was his plan, he had wanted me to tell him to F off, but all I ever said were nice things and he couldn’t understand why I want to talk to him. Things had been good for about 2 months minus the fact he was still hard into cocaine/drinking that of which come before anything else any chance he gets. He always will choose going on benders with his friends over seeing me or any other normal activity. We were talking about what good terms we were on and planning a summer vacation a few days ago when 2 days later I call him and he txts saying “I have a girlfriend” when I called him he was with his friends prob 3 days without sleep on a drug/alch spree, I was so shocked and upset, he just told me not to call him, stay the F away from his family ect. I don’t believe he has a gf because I know him well enough to know we wouldn’t have spoke for the last few months if that was the case. I just don’t understand how addicts can abrubtly change their minds so quick and lash out for NO reason! I am so hurt and not stupid, I am not happy when we are together because all he wants to do is drugs or drink (which I only drink) but when I am apart from him or know he wont speak to me I am so upset, it hurts to see him do this to himself.. what should I do?

He always says things like " i wont be around for long" "everyone knows ill die from drugs or alchohol" "i dont want to stop doing cocaine, its just who i am" "when hes doing the drug he says he doesnt care about ne thing else except continuing to party" he eventually calms down when the high is over but he paces around cant sit still mumbles, looks through windows freaks out its so scary :(

He has a crazy temper and wants to starts fight with friends or anyone, he once threw a 26 across the room full... at the cabin he poured chocolate milk all over his sisters friends because he was mad

i texted him the other day its been 2 wks no contact. i know he had this week off work, i said i miss you. 12 hrs later he writes back, i dont miss you.

that HURT so bad. im guessing he was high or drunk otherwise he doesnt even respond. :(

View related questions: broke up, drugs, drunk, fell in love, in jail, money, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

He loves the drugs more than you, he loves the drugs more than himself isn't anything against YOU....please don't think if you do...he is an ADDICT and he needs HELP ASAP.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010):

Love is blind, and being in love with a drug addict makes you blind. It has you believeing in every word he says. You don't care if he lies through in teeth about. He'll just use his skills and tell you he loves you just to shout you up. You know what his skills are don't you. I'll tell you what you already know. His malniplative, charming, sweet, and nice when he wants to be which will transform into "I know you love me baby". Now! what will you do. I'll tell you that too. You'll give him your money, your good loven, pay the bills, and even buy him a car. Cause he says he loves you. Oh! and add a couple of bunches to the head if he in one of his crazy high spells. You can't see yet. Oh! I forgot your still blind. Last but not lest he enjoys spending more time not paying attention to, can't hear you,can't feel the love for you, don't care to know you dear, disappears from you, love. Why? cause his girlfriend won't like it. She wants all of him. She'll keep him very busy and happy. She'll kill him before she'll let him come back to you. And he will let her have her way because he loves her to death. Do you want to know who your competions is her name is "Ma-dame Crack". Run, run, as fast as you can. She'll run you crazy and leave you hurt, just cause she got your man! "FOOD FOR THOUGHT"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010):

I feel that the love you have for your ex is for real but, is his love for you forever. Let me make a point here. I'm going to ask you some questions about your relationship, you must be real with yourself. This will give you the answer that you are looking for:

1.Would he choose drugs over you?

2.Would he love you first or his drugs.

3.Would he stop if you ask him to?

4.Does he ask you for money for this or that?

5.Who pays the bills to keep things afloat?

6.Does he disappear from time to time?

7.Have things in your home seem to just get up and walk away?

8.Does he show you his malnipulating charm?

9.With his charm does he lie through his teeth?

10.Would he leave you for another women who could give him more money for his habit? If you have answer these questions in your mind. Then the question to you is do you really want to feel hurt, miserable, and unloved. He does not care about his own life, do you care about your life or Do you want to live, or do you want to live. The choose is yours. Good Luck to you!

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A female reader, hendrix United States +, writes (31 August 2010):

I was in love a drug addict not to long ago. Your emotions run crazy you feel hurt, angry and sadden by your relationship with him. I spend 5 along years in a up and down roller coaster ride. I was never happy to afraid he was going to do somthing else that would make my life miserable over and over again. I helped him all I could. Then it started I felt physically and mentally sick being around him. He was literally making me sick. As much as I loved him his crack habit was making me sick. We broke up and with in two days he had gotten him another girlfriend. His new girl was the opposite of me, she gave him her money, she did things sexual that I wouldn't even intertain in my mind. He's molding her to fit his every desire( a sucker) I call her. Now, I see them both his weight was 205, his down to 150, it take him four to five months to look like a drug addict or the other name for it would be a crack head. I thank "Jesus" everyday that I am not with this ex boyfriend anymore. His new girl looks like she smokes too. I don't care what he says that she doesn't smoke crack. I will tell you this, he will not stop using crack. He went from a respectable life to the pits of hell and the sad part about it he loves using crack. He doesn't love this new girl nor does he love me, he loves his crack and will use you and anybody else to get it. His using her to supply his drug habit. She loves him so much that she will do anything to keep him with her. I'm not being mean but she very ugly big bulging eyes and men looking features. Girlfriend, run as fast as you can. I prayed everyday and ask the Lord to take him from me. The "Lord" works in his time fame not ours. But! When he works his power He" will take all your pain, hurt, angry, and most of all that love that you gave him all away. It's sad but when I see both of them together he looks sick and she looks miserable. I Thank the "Lord" everyday that he took this crack head out of my life. You! know I haven't been sick sense and I feel good about my life, myself and the joy of not feeling emotional hurt and upset all the time. Being a partner of a drug addict, and your not a user can physically make you sick. Girl I don't care how square people think about praying it really works and "Jesus" hears you sorrows and pain. Pray about and the one day you get up out of bed thanking the "Lord" that, that emotional drama has disappeared. Just the memories of what he lost is gone.

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A male reader, beachguy United States +, writes (29 July 2009):

beachguy agony auntHe is not going to quit what he is doing until he is out of options and has suffered enough consequences.

LEAVE HIM! It is best for all involved.

I work as a drug counsellor by the way and I am a recovering drug addict. My family basically disowned me and when I was out of options and hit "bottom" I got better (that was 13 years ago).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):


He is a drug addict nad he well put drugs before anything

get rid of him let him live in the living hell that he has chosen all alone

and find your self another resaonable BF

remember you only live once so live it right for GOD sake!!

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A female reader, shna Ireland +, writes (21 July 2009):

shna agony auntyou have to leave him be . . . . i know is hard its love ?? an love is a bastard believe me my sisters an alcohlic and my brothers hooked on crack which most people would think were sum kind of scumbags but we were all brought up really well but like any family weve had problems .

when i grew old enough to understand my sister told me there is nothing an alcoholic wont do to get drink and its the very exact same for drug addicts .

addicts wont let anything or anyone stand in the way of what they want like you said he always picked boozing over spending time with you

its not really his fault he cant change now after doing this since his childhood and he enjoys it if he didnt it would be a totally diffrent story .

all you can do is be here for him . . as a friend you need to move on with your life because you not only need but you deserve better . . i no you dont care you dont want anybody else you want him but

if you stay with him . . see yourself in 20years kids sugar bowls full of coke ? do you really want your children to be around him while hes having his temper tantrums or even have your children live with the emitional scare of their junkie father dieing . . . you deserve better one day he might come around and realise man i fucked up but only he can decide thatfor himself all you can do is be there for him as a friend and only that

good luck xx

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A male reader, wherestheinstructions? United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

You don't have a relationship here - you just have a project that you have taken on, attempting to fix something that can't be fixed.

He is who he is and you won't be able to change that.

So, take a look at what you have with him NOW, not IF this or IF that, or MAYBE.

If the situation you are in right NOW gives you no joy - and it sounds pretty hopeless - then it will not get any better.

He's an adult and the only one responsible for him is himself, not you.

Get yourself out of this situation before he hurts you, or you lose more money, or end up with the nightmare complication of getting preganant to him.

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

aphexinfinite agony aunthe doesnt want to save himself and everyone who shows him a good life he throws it at them because their showing him what perhaps he never got and because it feels so good he feels like its so wrong. he is in love with his addiction hes had help and hes turned away. unless he wants a better life without drugs he will never change and hes trying to do the best by you and send you packing because deep down he knows you could do better than a druggy like him and lord knows hes right. but he does love you thats why he is doing this. but its funny how they wont do it to them selves. sometiems you have to learn in life is that no matter how much you want to save someone unless they help themselves its useless an OH LORD does it hurt hurt so much you feel like your soul is splitting into two. sometiems you have to tell them that you will always love them and wish things were better for them than they are and the only one that can do that is you! and walk away and hope they either sober up or die either way to let their misery out. life takes us all on a ride an adventure we never expected or one we would say that would never happen to me! but shock its all upside down and side to side some handle it better others dont we can help them as much as possible but unless they take that leap we can only stand and watch. im sorry your going through this my thought are with you"! good luck aphex xx

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