A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's mother just got out of jail/rehab, very suddenly and unexpectedly. Apparently she has no place to go, and misses her daughter so she asked to move in with me and my gf, temporarily (a few months) to get back on her feet. We do have a extra room, and I want her to be in my daughter's life but it's technically not my house, (my gf's father paid for the down payment) and my gf is extremely jealous of other woman, like extremely!!! She gets very angry when I talk to any kind of girls, even old friends. I don't want the mother of my child on the street, but I don't want to be on the street for inviting her into our house. How do I tell my gf about this?? Should I just sneak her in during the middle of the night? I wake up before my girlfriend and go to sleep after her so it would be easy to sneak her in and out. Any advice is good advice right about now
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 November 2015):
 Don't be at all surprised if you,your ex and daughter get kicked out on your arse if you choose to go ahead with such a silly plan. You have no rights what sever to be going to such lengths in someone else's property let alone deceiving your spouse in favour of your ex's housing problem. Are you sure your ex isn't trying to pull one over on you because isn't their some sort of community assistance with ex inmates re establishing themselves back into society? Especially if she is out on parole. Get in touch with corrections yourself to see what options are available to her and help her that way. don't believe in turning your back on someone in need but I think going about it this way at the expense of your relationship is really just absurd .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2015): Are you out of your mind?!!!
Sneaking a convict and former addict in and out of your home? Don't paint a picture of your girlfriend being insanely jealous, because jealousy has nothing to do with letting someone like that into your home. Without her knowledge!!! You are placing her at risk, your child at risk, and you haven't a clue what jail has done to this woman. People still get drugs while in prison. They aren't necessarily rehabilitated from drug abuse. Rehab doesn't guarantee a person doesn't return to their old habits.
She needs time in transitional counseling through a program, she has to find a job, and earn her way back into society. She needs to be monitored through a probation officer to make sure she is on the up and up.
It's her fault she has no where to go. She has to re-establish trust and prove she is rehabilitated to those she let down in her life; when she put herself in the criminal justice system.
Your child should not be exposed to a former convict, who just got out of jail. You could lose her if someone decides to contact child protection authorities. If your girlfriend finds out, and she will; you will be in a world of sh*t! Sneaking a woman, your ex mind you, in behind her back!!! That in itself is criminal. I'd throw you out!
I'm not sure how you could even consider subjecting an innocent child to a person who just got out of prison? A
former addict, who lost her daughter because of it.
Apparently her daughter didn't mean enough to her to stay out of prison and not abuse drugs. You want to sneak her in and out? If she would even want you to do that in itself proves she still thinks and behaves like a criminal. I question your judgement. Your child's safety and security should come first. You have no idea what that woman may be capable of, and you'd give her cover to do who knows what in the process. What if she's jealous you have a new girlfriend, or decides to kid-nap your daughter?
Until she has gotten totally rehabilitated, found herself help through a transition program, and you know for sure she is no longer an addict, you had better protect your child.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): Um it's not your house!! You have no right to sneak in your ex withoht your current girlfriend's permission- i mean come on! Does she not have any relatives that she could turn to?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): Sorry but this is a ridiculous idea and such a cheeky deceitful plot. I understand you don't want the mother of your child on the streets, bet you did not want her in prison either,but she made her own way into prison as a mother.I don't know how your system works where you live but here, she would receive some support, like a half way house, maybe.You can not or you can sneak your x jailbird into your's and (technically) girlfriends house, who's father helped pay for.If anyone did that to me I would sling them out onto the streets without any question, no sob story would cut the ice, deceit is deceit and cheating in this way is so cunning, it's almost unbelievable that a partner could sneak around like this.Why don't you be honest and be a man, tell your girlfriend that you think it best that you go and support your ex girlfriend and get a place together, no deceit here.I understand you want the best for your child so this includes her mother but hasn't she got a good steady home right now, with you two? unfortunately her mother is unstable and gets taken to prison rehab, why would you even consider wrecking a stable home for your child, unless you have feelings still for x.Be honest and be a good dad and partner or assist in wrecking stability.I may sound a bit harsh but it's a one way ticket if you take this sneaky move, and the ones who suffer will be:Your DaughterYour current GirlfriendYouAnd guess who ONLY benefits? and remains unaffected when everyone's life is turned upside down your X. She needs to get her self sorted out and seek the correct support, even work and start building a good solid relationship with her child by trust and commitment, this is her responsibility not yours. Of course she misses her, and vise versa no doubt, so it's about time she started been a mum.Your choice, to cheat or not to cheat....good luck to your x though and hope that she makes it through okay in the end. You are supporting her by bringing up your daughter with your current partner, and who should be acknowledged for doing so and treated right, she does not deserve low sneaky stunts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): whatever you do... just be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this stuff or you will end up losing her :( which is sad because someone better who will treat her better will be with her then you will be left with yoru daughters mother and you will regret it
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 November 2015):
 No, you do not sneak in the ex.
You EX needs to find a halfway house solution or even use a homeless shelter, or HER family or maybe even yours. I am sorry, I don't care how jealous your GF is, this is HER home, HER house.
And I do think if you make the choice to "sneak" the ex in she WILL find out and YOU will be out on your rear too and so would your CHILD!
Sorry, you are GOING to have to put your child first. Yes, it would be good for her (if her mom is worth a darned) to spend time with her, but that doesn't mean your NOW GF is somehow responsible for your ex.
And while I do understand you feel sympathy for your ex, it almost sounds like you don't really understand WHY your current GF don't want another woman under her roof, one that YOU have a child with and one that also have been in prison/rehab.
So if you feel a NEED to help you ex- then find her a place to stay that ISN'T your home.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 November 2015):
 When were you castrated?
A real MAN would bring this subject up to his S/O.... and the two of them would make a decision on how to handle this sensitive predicament....
(How many times to you suppose you could "sneak" ex- in to the house before S/O has to get up to take a pee and notices that there is another woman there, somewhere????)
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (8 November 2015):
 "How do I tell my gf about this??"
Well you just tell her - sooner rather than later. You and she are a partnership. Between the two of you you need to work out a satisfactory solution.
As they used to say, it's good to talk.
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