A
female
age
,
*ick Mom
writes:My 34 year old daughter is getting a divorce from her husband that is 34 also. She is now dating a man that is 57 years old. Does anyone have any advice? He is almost as old as her dad
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (27 September 2012):
The advice I have is to be open minded about it. Your daughter is an adult, so she is free to date who she chooses. If this guy makes her happy, then that is what should matter most to you, right? I am a man that is close to your daughter's age (I am 36) and I have dated women as much as 12 years younger than myself. Age gaps may seem like an issue to outsiders, but to the couple actually in the relationship it may not be a problem at all.
Something that might help put you at east a bit is that strictly talking about the percentages, it is not likely that your daughter and this man will have a lasting relationship. Your daughter is just going through a divorce, so she is getting back into dating. This could be a rebound relationship for her, then. Alternately, perhaps it is because he is so different from her ex, that is what is attracting her to him. In time she may grow to realize that he isn't what she needs, though. Or perhaps things won't work out for him and he will end it. Just because she is dating him doesn't mean they will be together for very long.
I was once married, and in the 3+ years I have been single I have a fair number of women. I know that my parents wouldn't have agreed with me on all of them, but I felt I had to get to know a variety of women so I would be able to better tell when I was with a good fitting mate. Basically, there's no substitute for experience in dating. The only way to obtain it is to actually date.
The best thing you can do is be supportive of your daughter. Divorce is never pleasant, she is dealing with a lot emotionally from that. If you harp on her about the "old man" she is dating it will only make things worse.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 September 2012):
So? I've dated men that are technically old enough to be my dad...I liked them and they liked me. The end.
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (27 September 2012):
"He is almost as old as her dad"
Is Dad a presence in her life or his age calculated from a
date in a month in a past year on the calendar?
"Does anyone have any advice?"
Lots. Do you a question to which an offer of advice would be an applicable response? Lacking specifics, given current available info I have no reason to dispute ages and romantic states of three identified as existing viable life forms, and no reason to disagree with your equating ages of daughter's boyfriend and your partner in conception.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2012):
 My advice... as a mom, as a divorce woman with an overly involved mother and as an older partner in an age gap relationship... is to mind your own business.
my partner is 39.
I am 52.
my older son is closer in age to my fiance than I am.
BUT, this man treats me well. he loves me, he doesn't care about the age difference although I do. and we have a lot in common.
I know you are a concerned mom but to be honest your daughter is well past adulthood at this point and can make her own decisions.
unless there is something else about it that bothers you....
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 September 2012):
 I find that time takes care of these situations if they are not meant to be. However, I would not assume he is bad for your daughter based solely on his age. I know how you must feel as her mother, but she is an adult and can make her own decisions. She will have plenty of judgements to deal with outside of yours, so I'd let nature take its course.
He could also be the best thing to ever happen to your daughter, but only time will tell. Try to take a step back and wait it out.
The one thing that would concern me is that she has not taken the proper time to mentally and emotionally work through the divorce and is already dating, but what are you going to do? Just be there for your daughter when she needs you. If you try to steer her away from the older man, she will just resent you.
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