A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to a guy online for a month. Yesterday he said his ex wife had put on a lot of weight after two children going up to a UK size 14 (12 USA) and that he struggled to find her attractive and things went downhill after that. I said I am a UK 12 (USA 10) and if weight was a huge problem for him maybe I am not the right woman for him. I had a lot of pressure from my ex to maintain a UK 10 (USA 8) and after this I feel anxious about meeting him tonight. Its brought back all those feelings of anxiety and now I feel I dont want to go out for dinner with him tonight. He joked she put on 2 stone after the wedding cake and was pear shaped. I find this quite a nasty thing to say considering he left her and she behaved in a dignified manner according to him. I just feel its a dealbreaker and I want to cancel....
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ex-wife, his ex, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (28 January 2016):
 He's given you a pretty strong clue about his character and maturity.
Cancelling the date the cutting ties with him is perfectly reasonable, in my opinion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): 'douche bag alert!' you are totally justified in not wanting to date this guy,personally I would give him a swerve and be lucky you didn't waste your time.i had a similar thing happen talking to a guy online I was going to meet for a date over the phone.thank God we talked first saved my petrol. The man started running his ex and previous dates down to me and he hardly knew me! in theory should be on good behaviour as we are about to date. I pity men that can't see how offensive this is-surely they can't get many dates!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Must be hard for him being so perfect and all. A turn off is a turn off.For him it's weight and for you his attitude towards it. If it were me I'd still go to dinner and see how it pans out. Maybe a bit of foot in mouth and tacky but not so much intended as a mean way, just came across that way. When ordering you could jokingly make comment that you are a bit scared of what you order incase you dont live up to his weight expectations. He might realise just how it came across and have a rethink or he may just agree and spend the night watching everything you put in your mouth lol. Either way you just need to say you are happy with the way you are and have no intention of changing that for anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): He is shallow. What you learnt from the experience with your ex is telling you not to go there again. People show you who they are early on. Be strong and cancel it. You deserve a date with someone who thinks you're amazing and who you feel relaxed with.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I agree with Honeypie totally. It is up to yourself how you proceed from here, but nobody wants to hear a man say that he left his wife because she put on weight, A size 14 is average enough, its not like she put on so much weight that she couldn't live a normal life. He is shallow. Simple as. You want a man who loves you for who you are, not someone who you know might leave you if you gain a few pounds, looks aren't everything, especially if you are in love with someone. He sounds like a loser to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 January 2016):
 I think you are WELL within the "realm" of not wanting to see/talk to him any more.
Talking smack about an ex is rarely a good sign. Yes, there probably was some kind of bad blood there, but when it's a person who makes it ALL the ex's fault the marriage or relationship failed you know you got a person who takes no responsibility.
Unfortunately SOME women think it's GREAT that a dude disrespect the ex, because it means SHE is better or at least better looking, smarter, etc... But all it means is, he is a disrespectful person.
Now with THAT said, he isn't your ex. So while your ex might have been "riding" your behind to keep slim - it doesn't mean this guy would. He would however think it's OK to dump you of you put on (according to him) too much weight.
He doesn't sound like a keeper to me.
Someone so focused on the weight of his partner is kind of a shallow Hal to me.
HE didn't go through what his wife did with the pregnancies - all he did was his "2 minutes" and then left the rest to her. And if he talks smack like that to you, I bet he did to her too, which probably didn't help matters either.
A partner SHOULD be someone to life you up, not put you down.. And this one? He is already making you feel crappy...
Move along, let this one go.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (26 January 2016):
 You dont want to go out for dinner with him, so dont. I wouldnt want to either.
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