A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I met a girl online and struck up a conenction over a few weeks we corresponded one way or another everyday if more than anything she seemed keener so much so she was curious as to how many other people I was chatting with and teasing me about it etc.. etc..Anyway We Went on a first date last weekend and it went really well we had a picnic in a park for 3 hours got along great everything went well for a first date, no awkwardness laughter and she reciprocated that feeling after the date Two days later I invited her for dinner that weekend she knew i was calling and it went to straight to vm so I left a message asking. she responded late that night yes she was free sunday, sorry she had her phone off dinner with friends?? then we chatted a little online. However she made a point of letting me know that she had a date on Friday night, she didn't make a big deal of it or anything but said she wanted to be honest and didn't want me to get frazzled said it wasn't a "date date but still" not sure what that means?? She also said it was a blast from the past so yeah. I glossed over it as it's none of my business and moved swiftly on in conversation she made a point of saying it wasn't an ex.I haven't had this happen before, I am not naive enough to think people aren't dating other people just not sure why she told me and the day ? It's put me off kilt a little bit I now feel a little more pressure to impress and stand out and than I normally would and I know from experience that is never a good thing. I know I just be myself and show her a good fun time on Sunday but I can't help thinking about the competition even though i shouldn't and can't help thinking of her motives for telling me in such a vague way. I have now decided to go underground a little until later in the week let her initiate any contact between now and then.. and for the first time in 4 weeks she hasn't contacted at all which would be out of character so I am trying to figure out if I should just bail it all seemed a bit odd and her wording was bizarre. So my problem is I guess now I feel the pressure for a special second date and I don't normally feel that, usually more so first up. I figure it is eithera) had someone from the past pop upb) doesn't want to tell me straight no thanks for a second datec) something else complicatedThe red flags for me are - - turning your phone off all night when having dinner with friends even though you knew i would call ??-lack of general interest in the last few days, flirting and compliments have dried up.- telling me a vague I have a sort of date friday night with a blast from the past - not sure I quite needed to know that!Any suggestions from daters out there? My gut tells me to bail from sunday as it seems a pretty big u-turn re attention wise the other part of me feels I have nothing to lose by shooting a text confirming time and place on Saturday.Sorry for the long winded post. Thanks in advancce :)
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 As you've already stated it's perfectly acceptable to accept more than 1 date at a time. You two aren't in a relationship so there's no lines to be drawn.
There's nothing too alarming about this other date. The only thing I would call a red flag on would be a blast from the past. Then again it could be an old guy friend or an old boyfriend. Who knows? Another thing you have to take in account is that she told you about it. When I've got dates lined up for the weekend I sure as hell don't tell them about one another. It's just unneeded.
As for your other red flags, I often turn off or put my phone on silent when I'm eating dinner with friends or family. It's just proper etiquette. Also, she did call you back later that evening. So I wouldn't say this is a red flag. Lack of flirting, contact..I'd say this is red flag for sure.
I'd say keep the date for Sunday, see what happens. But if you're completely second guessing her, and don't like the fact she accepted another date, then cut your losses.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Maybe she just wanted to be straight with you and have it out there. But my guess is that she was looking for a reaction out of you. She was fishing to see if you where seeing other people and I think she wanted to then see how you would feel about her dating someone else. I am not sure she even has a date more like trying to get your attention. I think it might be a little game she is playing. As for her phone being off at a meal with friends well don't judge her on that. I know lots of people who think it is rude for someone to accept a call at meal times, so she obviously felt that her phone being on was inappropriate. Just because she knew you where calling doesn't mean that she should drop everything to take your call. If you like her well then go on the second date and just see how things go. It is still early days and way to soon to be having serious talks so just take things slow and see what happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): She's not so Honest if she can play the field but get jealous about you chatting up other people.
People who make jokes about such things and carry on- its not a joke but a ruse to get information. Totally showcasing her jealousy/insecurity and my Alarm bells go off if anyone acts like that. Its not what healthy, secure adults say or do.
I'd say she has been cheated on before and is insecure and she also is playing games by seeing how you will react that she is seeing an Ex.
Seeing an Ex means emotional ties, a connection. You basically were asked if it was okay and you didn't respond like it was a big deal so yah, she's keeping you on as Option B while she plays and dates and who knows what else with Option A.
You deserve someone of serious mind who will WANT to date you and then LIVE MONOGAMOUSLY and honour you and treat you with dignity and respect.
She wasn't vague, she was deliberate.
Cut her lose and find yourself a worthwhile, Honest Gal.
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