A
female
age
30-35,
*hhitsasecret
writes:My dad doesn't want me dating black guys.Which I think is terrible, but there's nothing I can do to change it.I just started going out with this back guy (I'm white), and I'm afraid of how my dad might react..it's not that he's racist, he has many black friends himself, I think he just can't picture me with someone of a different background...I'd hate to be with someone that my dad won't except, but i'd hate to not be with someone just because they're different.I don't want to lead this guy on if I know it can't work out.Should I tell my dad yet?Should not tell him and if he finds out, he finds out?Should I talk to this guy about it?What do you think?Ever been in this situation?I'm confused :S Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Why don't you switch to a nice white man instead? There are lots out there for you to chose from who would love and respect you and of which your father would approve. You also could try a nice Asian man. There are also plenty of good Asians who would jump at the chance to date you if you just gave them the time of day.
It seems to me like you need to have a more open mind. You are too closed to new things, new ideas. There are many varieties of men out there and you just have to have only one type.
Come on. Give your old Dad a break for the holidays. Give him something to smile about.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Congratulations on finding one of the 25 black men in Canada. Whereas I can understand your concern, I think you should tell your father or he'll eventually want to know why his grandchild is so dark.
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Its a difficult one to deal with this...
I am in a similar situation with my daughter... I am white and not racist, for the record one of my best friends was Pakistani.
Your Dad is looking out for your best interests first and foremost. Here in the U.K. statistics show that marraiges/relationships between mixed race couples usually end much more prematurely that same race marraiges/relationships. This is fact. Now I appreciate that the facts are difficult to accept, and not particularly supportive or Politically Correct, but these facts maybe the same over your way and they are what your Dad see's too.
We all now societies can be difficult accepting mixed race relationships and maybe your Dad feels this extra burden on you is more than you deserve. It's not your Dad's fault, he is looking out for you and trying to make your life easier.
However, if you genuinely love this guy then go for it.. your love will overcome it.
One thing I would be careful of as a white none-racist guy, make sure his parents are not racist either!
As I said to my daughter - I have no problem your non-white boyfriend coming to my home, but his parents may have a problem with a white girl going to their home.. kinda test the ground a little.
Apologies for any offence I may have created in this post, it is unintentional and I apologise if it has caused offence.
Steve
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Living in the UK, I grew up surrounded with this attitude against me.
I have dated mostly Caucasian girls and women, my partner is white, my son is mixed race. I come across this situation quite a lot.
Unfortunately, having black friends doesn't mean a thing. Your Dad is racist, as he feels that a black guy isn't good enough for his daughter. His mental images are very poweful too. He cannot bear the thought of inter-racial sex, especially as you would be one half of it.
In many ways, it isn't your Dad's fault. People learn a lot from their parents and peers. Your Dad's attitude was shaped many years ago.
You can only ask him to try to look past the colour of your boyfriend's skin, and try to see the man inside. It is difficult for anyone who has never been black. After all, if I walk into a room, people dont see my height, or my build, or my clothing. They see my colour first.
Honesty is always the best policy. Tell your Dad. Your boyfriend will understand if things go wrong, believe me.
He won't like it, but he will understand. But in the long run, it is down to you. Are you prepared to risk the support and love of your family, the snide comments and back-stabbing from your so-called friends, and the judgemental attitude of those on both sides of the colour issue?
If you are, then I applaud you, and you should date who ever you choose.
My opinion is that as you are here asking the question about what you should do, you and I already know the answer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Be upfront with the guy. One girl would probably have been mine, but religious differences were too much for her parents (even though we're the same race). She led me on, and she realized that it wouldn't work out. So what did she do? She broke up with me on prom. I still haven't gotten over it until this day (and I'm 23 right now). I liked her since junior high, and she ripped me apart. Don't hurt the guy. Be upfront with him, and don't lie. This girl lied and lied to me. It hurt a lot. I'd say get out of the relationship, and alleviate the long term pain for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Thank him for his opinion, and tell him that you're unlikely to limit your selection of the dating pool to people that he approves of. You need to listen, but not follow his direction. If you shut him out, he's likely to go even weirder on you... make sure he knows you heard him, but that you're an adult and while you will consider his suggestion (all be it no much!), you've heard him...
Then go out and find some really nice guys... of any race they happen to be...
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (13 December 2009):
You're an adult and you should be able to date whoever you want; however, I think your dad is going to have to get to know him in order to hopefully accept him.
My parents (my mother in particular) didn't want me to date anyone except men who are white. Although it made no sense to me since my mother is hispanic, she had her own opinions that are based on stereotypes, which I think is probably why your father thinks the way he does. He has black friends, but based on stereotypes--that's the type of person that he thinks you will end up dating (the gangster thug, with no respect for women, and 5 kids from 5 different baby mommas). It's sad, but that is the stereotypical view of many black men. Even though a lot of us know there are a lot that aren't like that, it's the few that screw it up for everyone else. Not to mention the white trash men out there that basically do the same thing.
I think you should tell your father first and let him know why you like him etc. and hopefully he can learn to understand why you like him and if they ever do meet he can see for himself.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Anonomous reader- I cant believe you agree with him!
Yes your dad only wants whats best for you, but your going to have to ask him WHY he doesnt want you with a black guy. Then tell him your a big girl now and can make your own decisions.
Take it from there :)
x
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Your dad can't stop who you go out with. Is he really not rasicit or is he one of those people who doesn't like black people except for the ones that he knows, because that is still rasicit but it would mean that he can make friends with this guy.
good luck
xx
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