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My boyfriend won't go down on my unless I'm shaved

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 July 2010) 21 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *zDiva2u writes:

My boyfriend and I were talking about "what ifs". and it came up, "what if i was nine months pregnant and couldnt shave "down there"?" his response, "i wouldnt go down on you". my thought was arent you suppose to love someone even in there natural state? I mean his hairs dont stop ME from going down on him(yes i know the differences but still)..IDK should i find someone who will love me for me, and not for how i should be?....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010):

look i ain't here to judge or anythin but i'm a bloke and if a girl would let me "go down" on her i wouldn't turn it away just coz she's hairy and anyway does that even really matter. I'm sure he would be the same just coz your hairy is no reason for him to not want to "go down" he wouldn't be able to resist

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI can't see why this would be a deal breaker either.

A little trimming of the hedges is not going to kill you. Personally totally shaved makes me think prepubescent and not sexy at all, but EACH to their own.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

if you are thinking of breaking up over a what if question...about an imaginary pregnacy, you are 1) way to immature to be dating seriously, 2)the one with the committment problem. In truth neither of you have a clue...what if you feel like a whale, are grouchy and tired and dont want sex at all...what if...what if...CaringGuy has it right.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

I think you are mistaking love and lust; they are not the same thing in my opinion. I'm sure he would love you to bits if you were nine months pregnant and expecting his child, but this strikes me as unrelated to whether he would find it sexually appealing to go down on you when you are all hairy. I wouldn't make my fiance do that. I think it is selfish. Sexual acts are not a test of how much someone loves you, plus this whole "natural thing" is so contrived. It is "natural" not to wash or brush your teeth. Would you still find your partner attractive in this case?

This question is also particularly immature anyway, at least to me. Hopefully you will find that if you ever are nine months pregnant you will have more important priorities regarding how you value your partner. I think you need to grow up somewhat, and on the basis of this question PLEASE do not even think about getting pregnant yet.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2010):

I don't even think you know what love is. This is such a teenage question it's unbelievable. Love is not about him giving you oral sex when you're pregnant. Love is about him standing by you when you're pregnant and looking after you. I think you need to think about what love actually means to you.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2010):

I don't even think you know what love is. This is such a teenage question it's unbelievable. Love is not about him giving you oral sex when you're pregnant. Love is about him standing by you when you're pregnant and looking after you. I think you need to think about what love actually means to you.

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A female reader, Traycie United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

The what ifs are way to hypothetical yes he should love you for you no matter but he is just a boy and if he wants you to shave down there before he goes down on you then tell him he needs to shave his parts before you go down on him i mean after all fair is fair

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

... What? You think just because a guy won't go down on you that he doesn't love you? Just because he won't go down on you when you don't shave doesn't mean he doesn't love YOU. It means he doesn't love HAIR in his MOUTH. Vaginal pubic hair is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay different from male pubic hair. That's just a personal sexual preference and it is not right for you to press him there.. Some men and women never perform oral on their partner ever, shaved or not. It has nothing to do with love. Sex should be fun and everyone has their comfort zones.

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A male reader, StevenTasker United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

Well for some guys that is totally normally. You should probably respect his stand on that and just stay shaved.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

I saw this on a blog somewhere, wish I could remember the source!

"If you're invited to a garden party, don't complain about the bushes."

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (28 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntAs for the pregnancy thing, he could just offer to shave you for you. That is sexy and intimate.

As for the no comparison possible between men and women on this area... Hairy balls are hairy.. And yes you do get hairs in your mouth when you go down to lick and suck on them. And no it is not pleasant. The penis isn't hairy, but the balls are indeed.... And imagine a woman is usually more hairy down there than a guys balls.

The trick to doing it on a full bush is to spread the cheeks/lips enough, as the vagina and lips and clitoris itself doesn't have hairs growing on them.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (28 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntHe is young and doesn't know how to say the right things. Yes he should love you for you in your natural state, but obviously no one likes hairs in their mouth. That would be like you asking him to lick your head, or even worse, a cat. No one wants that. There are ways for the talented to do it on women with a natural bush, but at his young age I am afraid he needs more practice before he can master that.

Remember though, that most guys are perfectly fine with a trimmed area down there, you don't have to be silky smooth. It's just the full bush that can cause irritation and hairs in your mouth.

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (28 July 2010):

SirenaBlusera agony auntNo offense but I think the pregnancy thing is hypothetical...

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A female reader, Oregongrl1 United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

Aw, you are so right! what a cute question! thats minor compared to some of these post, be thankful. but try to understand him because what you may like doesn't mean he has to like? and visa versa it's called talking it out don't get offended by it. alot of men are like that it's normal some grose out easier then others.

understanding him will get you further and much more comfortable w/ each other about anything so hear him out and tell him you'll be ok w/ his honest answers not that some wont hurt your feelings but you are communcating about how you both feel and your love will only blossom you know there are things of course we dont want to hear or know the answer too! but then how are you to work through things?

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntWould you rather your boyfriend never shaved or used deo or any of those little things that ALL of us do to make ourselves a little more attractive? We're entitled to our little preferences and so are men.

The 'Natural state' thing went out the first time homo sapiens discovered razors. If you're considering this a deal breaker,it's your commitment to him rather than his to you that I find questionable.

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (28 July 2010):

SirenaBlusera agony auntI'm not trying to be mean, but things like this make me glad I'm single.

I can understand that all guys have their preference, but I think your boyfriend is a little insensitive... everyone's body grows hair there naturally, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Everyone's body grows hair in that region, it doesn't make you unattractive. He could always help you to shave it or get you a gift certificate for a salon to have it waxed, but I don't know if waxing during pregnancy is safe... babies are fragile.

Best of luck, anyway. I don't think it's worth ending the relationship if everything else is good.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (28 July 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntYou can love someone and have them love you for who you are... doesn't mean there won't be little things they do or don't do that you won't like... and vice-versa. This will happen regardless of who you're with, soul-mate, prince charming, it doesn't matter, there's always going to be little dislikes.

And since we're on the topic of "what ifs?"... I wouldn't go down on a girl who's 9 months pregnant shaved or not...

Not worth tempting fate.

Best of luck :)

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (28 July 2010):

The Realist agony auntThis is reasonable to ask you to do because it can be very unpleasant to go down on someone with the hair there but he needs to offer something in return. If you have to go through the trouble of saving then he should have to as well. I would never ask someone unless I was well kept myself. If your willing to compromise for that than ask him, if he says no than say you just won't go down on him. Personally I find the hair to be a big turn off but that is also for myself so I've always kept up with it even when I wasn't with anyone. Tell him its a two way street and see what he says to that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

Shaved just looks SOOOOOOOOO much sexier.

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A female reader, luvingme21 United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

luvingme21 agony auntLmao! I get what you're saying..but there is a total difference between the "vagina" and the "penis". Most guys don't shave at all. And if I were you I wouldn't make a big deal about it. You can always wax,trim or even use the nair cream they have for shower use only! I mean if you see it for his point of view-you wouldn't want to go orally with a girl who hasn't shaved and her bush is in the way of you trying to get your job done.

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A female reader, candygirl_iraq Iraq +, writes (28 July 2010):

I dont think this dilema is a deal breaker....sorry

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