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My boyfriend watches a lot of porn and it makes me feel insecure about my own body!

Tagged as: Dating, Pornography, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 August 2009)
A female Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i just turned 17 and im a cup A :(

i have a boyfriend.

he is my first ever boyfriend and i am also his first.

last month i told him my bra size. he told me it's fine and he doesnt mind small breasts as long as there's something to touch.

lately, he watches porn a lot. when we're on the phone, there must be a time when he talks about the girls on porn he just watched, how big and yummy their breasts are etc etc~

i know he loves me cos he tells me every morning and every night. i love him too.

i thought talking about porn is normal for couples.

i just found out it's not, and most girls despise their bfs/husbands watching porn.

now i want to talk to my boyfriend about how i feel but i just dont know how to start :(

i dont want him to feel guilty, i love him.

i think he doesnt know that him watching porn and commenting on the girls on the porn hurt me so much.

help me.

View related questions: bra , breasts, insecure, porn

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

dont feel insucure and tell him that you dont like it when he talkes about the porn stars sexy bodys or fine legs or how he gets a erection so fast while watching angolie jolie play with herself, just sit down (try and be naked it helps him concentrate on you and not the pornstars in his head) and he will understand and then do some foreplay and have sex with him ===== 0 lol... and if that doesnt work i bet hes just trying to get under your skin so go tell him to go fuck himself, besides what kind of boyfriend talkes about the porn he watching with his girlfriend!?!?!?!?! -sick...-

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009):

From a male perspective, it appears to me that you are hurt because you're insecure with your body and you feel threatened by the girls in the videos he's watching.

First of all, most honest guys will admit they watch porn regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship. And someone here said that porn is not real life. Well, actually it is if you're doing it right.

The issue is not his, it's yours and you should deal with it instead of trying to change him. A lot of girls believe that there's something wrong with them if their bf's watch porn because it must mean that they are inadequate lovers.

Well that's not the case and even if you think he has stopped watching porn for you, chances are that he is hiding it from you.

However, I do think that he is asking for trouble by telling you about it. Maybe he thinks he's turning you on or something. I wouldn't worry about it. Just let him know that you don't want to hear about it. On the flip side, why not try to get into it and watch it with him once in awhile.

You're only tripping over this cause you're young and inexperienced. In every relationship I've been in, I've watched porn with my gf and it was something that brought us closer together. It should be something you share with each other, but that's just my opinion.

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A female reader, Dom123 United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2009):

Okay, I know a lot of girls with the same problem. One day, say to him, oh you know what, my friends were sayin that its really cool watching porn with your boyfriend. Do you think we should watch it together. If he says no, you say oh ok and walk away. What ever he says, on day go and sit with with him and huddle tightly with him. If he pauses it whilst you are there, you click play or tell him to carry on. Once you are watching it, lightly bounce up and down and grown saying this like, oooohh and omg that looks good. Then try and do what the people are doing on the screen to him. He will definately love it.!

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (16 July 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntHe talks about the porn he just watched while on the phone with you?

Just how old is he?

Normal for couples? Normal might be sex talk but talking about the size of a porn actress tits in a porn movie YOU DID NOT SEE? That is... rude?

Would you consider it normal for him to call you up and tell you all about the women he saw today and their bra-size? If that is normal, I don't want to be normal.

I would say your BF lacks social skills. There are somethings you talk about and somethings you don't.

Willing to bet he is not the most considerate person out there.

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A male reader, Your friend Australia +, writes (16 July 2009):

Your friend agony auntYou need to talk to him. Take him for coffee and explain how you feel uncomfortable about the porn...and then explain why. He will probably be glad you brought it up because he now knows it hurts you. By the way, when he tells you your boobs are ok, they really are otherwise why would he be with you.

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A female reader, bobbles32 Canada +, writes (16 July 2009):

bobbles32 agony auntSo, wait. You're okay with your bf watching porn if it's "normal" because other girls are fine with it? I think when you talk to him you should just state that you're okay with him watching porn but you don't want to hear about the girls' bodies because it makes your feel bad.

Unless you're not okay with him watching porn at all now.. but you were before you knew that some other people don't like it when their husbands/partners watch it.

Just so you know, a lot of girls and guys are fine with their partners watching it, it's just you don't see forums and it plastered all over help websites.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

Well porn isn't real life, but your relationship definitely is, and communication is everything. Tell him you don't like his comments, and if he's as decent as you think then he'll respect you and not mention this again.

It doesn't mean that he'll stop watching porn, but as I said it's not real life, and sooner or later he'll realise that plastic ain't fantastic, and real women have real breasts in all sizes.

And as a guy, I can tell you that I love A cups - good things come in small packages :-)

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A female reader, sugar_sugar United States +, writes (16 July 2009):

sugar_sugar agony auntI don't mind my boyfriend watching porn, but if he called me up afterwards and started talking about how yummy their bodies were - that's where I'd draw the line!

If it bothers you tell him to tone down the conversation, if he wants to discuss other girls suggest he calls a friend, rather than his girlfriend!

And if it's any consolation I know plenty of guys that like girls with smaller breasts, so don't feel like you're lacking anything, you're not.

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntjust sit with him and say that when he makes these types of comments about other girls on porn video's it makes you feel small and you feel insecure about your body i am sure he doesn't do it intentionally.

just tell him how insecure you feel about yourself and your body and i am sure he'll stop :)

he needs to know because otherwise he'll keep hurting you without realising it.

hope this helps :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009):

honestly, talking about watching porn isnt weird in a relationship. every relationship is different. couples talk about porn and masturbating all the time.

of course, the best advice anyone can give is to talk to him about how what he says hurts you.

give it a try :)

best of luck

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